Little Tidbits of Life

I just wanted to share a few tidbits of our life over the past couple of weeks.




This is a picture of Rigaud. He is a pastor in Haiti that we hosted at our home for the weekend, and he and Elijah became instant great friends. It was so much fun to have him in our home and to learn from him and allow Elijah that experience and new friend!

Elijah saw a Blue Man Group bit on the Today show and he thought it was the coolest thing ever - because they were blue and playing the drums with paint splattering everywhere. So, later we decided to paint (I had long forgotten about the "blue guys") and Elijah decided he was going to become the newest member of the group. Seriously - that was his intention the whole time - to be a "blue guy." So, I had to take a picture of him.

I thought this was the cutest picture - Ella's little frog legs.

We found this strange disk in our back yard, apparently thrown over by a neighbor, and Elijah decided to wear it as a hat. I thought it was pretty funny because he looks like the paintings of baby Jesus with a halo over his head in all of those super-old paintings.

Elijah thought it would be a great idea to put his old, too-small boots on Ella, so he did. He thought it was pretty entertaining, and so did I. This was a game that lasted a good ten minutes!

And, finally, this is what I found when I came back in the living room after being gone for about two minutes. If you can't tell, Elijah had climbed into Ella's pack-n-play with her to hang out. He loves his baby sister.

Amazing Love

I love this picture and I just wanted to share it. I've discovered that an amazing thing happens with your kids. When they're born, you realize that you've never known how instant and unconditional love can be. But the truly amazing part is that with each day, as they get older, you realize that you have literally watched them grow and develop from day one as they become these little people, and you grow to love them even more and much deeper than you did the first day you met them. This love as a parent is truly a miraculous thing.

I didn't think it was possible to love Elijah more than I did the day he was born, but that love has grown immensely over the past three years. And then I was stunned and knocked off my feet with that same intensity in my sadness when Eveyn died. I never knew I could love so much with Elijah and I never knew I could hurt so much with Eveyn. And now, we have Ella.

The love and the capacity to love just grows and grows. I certainly don't love Ella any more than I love Elijah, but I think my ability to love has just gotten bigger with each kid. I feel like I can love better and freer now than when Elijah was first born. Does this make sense? Maybe my feelings also have a lot to do with going through the experience of losing a child and also going through the process of dealing with a long history of depression. I don't know - all I know is that I love my three children immeasurably more than I ever thought I could and the thought of having more makes me smile inside (but not yet). If the love seems to increase each time, I can't imagine not having any more. I'll let you know when the fourth comes along - but no big announcements here - like I said before, not yet!

It's Inevitable

Well, I swore I wouldn't allow it to happen, but Ella now has a little blanket that says Princess Ella (which I think is really cute) and this picture (which I think is absolutely adorable). So, I've realized something - there is a big difference between calling your little girl a princess and raising her like one. So, I'm no longer scared of the "p word" and I think my little girl looks beautiful in her tiara!

Sleep!

Ella has officially been sleeping through the night for a week now! Yes, that's right - Elijah slept through the night at five weeks old and now Ella is sleeping through the night at seven weeks old. I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself for either having the skills to teach my kids how to sleep or for passing on the sleeping gene to them.
Anyone who knows me well knows that there are few things I like more than a very long night of sleep. I love, love, love to sleep. And now, I am ecstatic that I am getting to do it for 7-8 hours at a time each night! If it were not for my little early-riser, Elijah, I would probably be getting about 9 hours each night. But I suppose I shouldn't complain, should I? Not only am I getting a full night of sleep, but most of the time when Elijah wakes me up in the morning, it is with a sweet little voice that says, "mommy, can you please move over so I can lay down with you?" He will then lay in bed with me for the next 20-30 minutes trying to gently wake me up - because he also knows that I love to sleep. He has even learned a few tactics to try to tempt me out of bed once he gets bored: he gets my robe for me, brings me my cell phone and pulls the covers off of me. At some point when all of these tactics fail, his gentleness will subside and he will completely lose all patience with me, which pushes me to the point of guilt that makes me finally get out of bed.
I realize that by admitting these morning rituals I am making myself very vulnerable to criticism from others. However, I know that just because I am a mom that loves to sleep, that I cannot survive on less than seven hours of sleep, and that my two year old has to drag me out of bed in the morning, it does not mean that I am a bad mom. Besides that, this all takes place anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30 am. It's not like I'm laying in bed with the covers over my head at 10:00. So don't try to make me feel bad about teaching my son some responsibility by having him help me start my day!
So, Vanessa, there is hope for you too! Just teach your kids from the very beginning that "mommy sleeping" is a normal part of their life, and be thankful that your kids will probably inherit the same great sleeping habits as you!
Sweet dreams everyone!

First Shopping Trip

Ella and I had our first shopping outing together on Thursday. It was just the two of us, and we had a great time. We had the whole day together because Elijah was in Plano with Gavin's parents, so I decided it would be a great time to venture out on our own without any chaparones (don't misunderstand - I love the help and company, but my independence really needed to be practiced at this point!)
So, what better place to have a first shopping trip than Target. It has always been one of my favorite stores, and I have spent many, many entertaining hours with great friends there, and I felt like I needed to share that with Ella. Like usual, it was a very pleasant and relaxing time and I'm looking forward to many more trips like that in the future. (And just in case Elijah is reading this - I absolutely love going to Target with him too. We have had many wonderful and fun hours together there - you just can't beat a good hot pretzel and lemonade!)

Another great part of the outing was the first real use of my Hot Sling! It kind of makes me feel like a kangaroo, but it is so awesome to carry Ella so close to me and so comfortably, and have complete freedom with both my hands. Plus, this allows me to not have to carry in and deal with her carseat carrier. It is the greatest thing ever!

I Need to Move On

I realized something major last week during my nightly routine of sitting on the edge of Elijah's bed while he drifts off to sleep. It was an emotional time anyway because I was also sitting there holding little 5 day old Ella in my arms. But it just hit me like a bolt of lightning - my baby was no longer my baby. As I sat there staring at his adorable profile against his pillow and surrounded by about 25 stuffed animals, I realized that the new baby I was holding was a replacement baby. Of course, not in the sense that one child could ever replace another, but in the sense that Ella is now the "baby" and Elijah is now the "big brother." This realization made me very sad and made me feel like I had to say goodbye to a certain part of Elijah that I was not ready to say goodbye to. So, I was at this point an emotional mess sitting in his dark room, trying not to wake him up with the sound of sniffing and wiping snot.
And then, I was led to a second realization - that I had prevented him from moving on and joining in the normal activities of his peers - namely preschool and potty training. So the emotional blubbering just intensified as I laid this massive guilt trip on myself. At some point I finally pulled myself together enough so that I wouldn't look quite so pathetic when I re-amerged. I decided that I would have to call upon Gavin to keep me accountable in order to allow myself and Elijah to move on to bigger and better things like big boy underwear and being in the care of strangers for a day or two a week.
I've never thought of myself as over-protective, but I'm starting to realize that the first day of kindergarten might really be hell for me. Maybe my main concern should be that he's out of diapers by then.

Just some cute pics of Gavin and Elijah

Some Scenes from the Hospital 4/5 - 4/6

Ella Grace

I can't believe I'm just now putting a picture of Ella on here since she is already two weeks old. For those who haven't seen her, here she is! She was born Thursday April 5 at 9:36 am. I cannot express how thankful and excited we are that she is finally with us. It's overwhelming!

I am also so thankful that she is a constant reminder to us of our little Eveyn. She resembles Eveyn so much, but at the same time she is definitely her own little person. What a blessing to have been given a gift like this after saying goodbye to Eveyn just one year ago. Our gratefulness is inexpressible!

I will be posting more very soon!

My Protector

Elijah has taken some advice to heart lately. Every day when Gavin leaves the house for work, he tells Elijah to make sure and take care of me and watch out for me during the day. And Elijah always agrees to do so. Well, today I saw his care and concern in action. We were in Costco grocery shopping and Elijah spotted another mom with her 4 or 5 year old son. He proceeded to sternly look at this kid and say, "Hey boy, this is my mommy." I guess this little boy looked threatening in some way. I'm just grateful he was there to protect me!

On a side note, he has also gotten very interested in all of the crazy mayflies that are everywhere. So much so, that when he feels an itch or gets something like a hair or little piece of food in his mouth, he blames it on the mayflies : "I have a mayfly in my mouth." "There's a mayfly flying inside my ear."

Listen Up!

This may just be some ranting from someone who has been pregnant for the last 26 out of 41 months, but I have a couple of requests from those of you who are not pregnant.

1. Out of courtesy, or just the kindness of your heart, when standing in a long line at a public restroom, if you see a woman who is obviously pregnant, feel free to offer her your place in line, or to cut in front of you. Maybe this thought will help - although you really have to use the restroom, keep in mind that not only do I really have to use the restroom also, but I have a 5 lb baby head-butting my bladder and pushing out a little urine every time this happens. I am literally about to wet my pants - it doesn't just feel like it.

2. When curious about how far along someone is from their due date, please be kind-hearted enough to not make any facial expressions that say, "wow, she's huge!" And if you're honest enough to actually speak instead of making an annoying face, please attempt to be a little tactful in what you say. Things like, "really? wow, 4 more weeks is a long time" or "oh! so you actually still have a while to go!" are not taken very well. First of all, I know much better than you how pregnant I am - there is no need to call my attention to it. Second, 4 weeks is not long at all, especially when you consider how long I've been pregnant. And third, it's just rude.
So, my advice would be to really try instead to call attention to the positive side of being this pregnant: "wow! how excited you must be to be so close to having your baby here!" or "you look wonderful! Congratulations!" or "that t-shirt is really cute, and I just love those sweats and flip flops!" (this last one is kind of a joke, but you get my point). Pregnant women don't hear nice things about themselves often enough if ever, so I would encourage you to change that trend.
I have a wonderful friend that every time I see her she tells me how wonderful I look, and I can't tell you how much that brightens my day and lifts me up. Just try to see pregnancy for what it is - allowing a child to grow and develop inside of another human body, preparing itself for life outside of that comfortable and secure womb. It's a beautiful miracle, not just a huge woman wearing overly casual clothes.

What's Up With Crazy Parents?!?

I recently had the privilage of going with Elijah and my mom to his first concert - Elmo Makes Music. As far as kid things go, this was actually somewhat entertaining and realistically short. Basically, I didn't feel like I was being tortured for three hours.
The only thing that was a real beating to me was watching and listening to the other parents and grandparents that were there with their kids. I think I witnessed for the first time, on a mass scale, how uninterested, impatient, annoyed, and mean adults can act toward children. It really was overwhelming to me, and sad. Why do any of them choose to take their kid to something like this if they're just going to be overwhelmed and ticked off the whole time and take it out on their kid? It just made me want to host a parenting class during the intermission and tell these parents that it doesn't have to be that way. This isn't to say that I think I'm the best parent in the world - I know plenty of places that I can make improvements, and no one will ever make all the right decisions with their children. But it made me realize that I think Gavin and I do a pretty good job and we've got a great kid. And it makes me thankful for all of the training that I have had and the complete dedication that Gavin has to being the best parent that he can be.
So, in the future I really look forward to taking our kids to various concerts and performances like this one, and maybe hand out pamphlets on ten ways to not be such a beating to your kids.

Mavs #1 Fan!

Check him out! This headband is the latest addition in Elijah's Mavs wardrobe. It came in the mail two days ago since joining the Mavs Kids Club, and he has been wearing it ever since. And the shirt and shorts he has on, he's been wearing every day since Feb. 20 (it's been washed since then). The only day he hasn't worn it was yesterday when we went to church. It is an outfit that my mom brought back for him from Las Vegas - she happened to be there during the All-Star game and got him All-Star shorts and a jersey. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's the best thing that's happened in his life so far.

IPod

I couldn't remember if I had posted this before, but I came across the picture and I wanted to put it on here. Elijah loves playing with q-tips and floss from our bathroom. The floss, he actually uses to floss his teeth, but the q-tips are used to make an ipod. He always sticks the q-tips in his ears and says he's listening to daddy's ipod. And then he proceeds to dance and bang on his drums. I hope he never gives up on his drum playing - I love it!

Eli Kisses

This is the face I get to see several times a day. How could you ever resist those lips? Today he was extra sweet with me, snuggling up with me while we had lunch with a friend and saying, "I love you mommy". At one point he leaned over to me with these lips you see here and said, "kiss me, mommy." Another one of my favorites that I actually hear several times a day is, "I want to be with you, mommy." I can't complain - he just melts your heart.

Actually...

Elijah's two new phrases that he uses crack me up. He says, actually and by the way. The crazy thing is that he uses them correctly in his sentences. For instance, he may say, "actually, mommy, I want juice, not milk." Or the other day he told me, "by the way, mommy, Nemo was on tv today." He never stops amazing me with his vocabulary and sentence structure. I think he may have better grammar than I do.

SNOW!!

Amazingly, we have been hit with some winter weather. Gavin got to stay home from work so we had some fun play time in the snow. We made a teeny-tiny snowman that Elijah thought was awesome, but I think his favorite part of the snow was eating it. He was kind of like a little cow just grazing through the back yard trying the snow from each area. It was very exciting, and we were happy to have daddy home to share it with us.

Eveyn and Ella

Just writing the title of this post gives me very bitter-sweet feelings. I've never put our two daughters together like that, or really thought of them as sisters together. It's so overwhelming to think of - if we had Eveyn here with us, would we have Ella now? Or is Ella purely the result of us losing Eveyn? Would they have ever been sisters here on this earth in God's plan? It's unbelieveable how many questions go through my mind on a daily basis. I never stop thinking about all of my children and their relationship to one another and to Gavin and me. It's amazing and a wonder to think about.
During this past week, we have gotten down all of Eveyn's things from the attic that she never got to use - bedding, clothes, carseat, toys, etc. We are beginning to prepare now for Ella's arrival in early April. I am now re-washing all of the clothes that were meant for Eveyn, but now her little sister will use. And we are now re-teaching Elijah what it's going to mean to have a little sister in his house.
I thought I would be more sad than I have been as I go through this whole process, but it's more of a feeling of awe and wonder. I can't really describe it very well. But I have realized what a gift Eveyn has been to her sister Ella. She has provided Ella with so many things - beyond the clothes and toys. Because of what we've experienced as a family in the last nine months since losing our daughter and sister, Ella will be so much more enriched by it. As a family, we have experienced so much love, grace and peace from God that we never would have been able to come in contact with on the same level as we have now. I know that we have such an unquenchable appreciation and desire for our relationship with God and the people in our lives that we didn't have before. And now we will be able to share this with Ella. All because of Eveyn and our life experience with her. She is an incredibly special little girl, and I am so thankful to have her influence in our lives.

I'm Back

I know I have received many comments from people stating that I haven't put anything on my blog in sooooo long. I realize this - thank you for telling me. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's been tough for me to write when so many things are on my mind at once. I am completely enthralled by Elijah and all of the new things he does and funny things he says, and I would love to be able to share every single one of them with everyone. I am also still very much in the process of sorting through all of the multitude of feelings and emotions of not having Eveyn here with us, while also anticipating the birth of Ella in just a couple of short months. So, my mind has been a little jammed up, which makes is difficult for me to convey any of my thoughts to anyone other than God. Thankfully, he understands me even when I don't quite understand myself.
However, now that I am through the Thanksgiving/Christmas season - which proved to be much harder than I anticipated - I am moving toward a more peaceful state of mind and heart. (It has been a long couple of months). My emotions aren't rumbling up quite so much and my head is much clearer now that the rediculousness of the holidays are over.
All this to say, I plan on writing much more entries much more frequently now that I have had some time off.

700 Q-Tip Pick-Up

Has anyone ever gotten to play this game? If not, you are missing out. If you are unfamiliar with it, let me tell you about it.
The best time for this game to take place is when you are unable to really get to your toddler - say for instance you decide you HAVE to take a shower today, so you lock both yourself and your toddler in your bedroom while you take a 5 minute shower. Of course, you could get to him in a real emergency, but 700 Q-Tip Pick-up isn't an emergency - even if it is extremely annoying. So, basically while you are attempting to wash your hair and your body fast enough to prevent any other fun toddler games from happening, you realize that your very excited two year old is frantically shaking a massive Costco-size box of Q-tips all over the bathroom. Once he has completed this task, he then begins to clean out his ears with every Q-tip he can get his hands on - because he hears you making annoying empty threats from within the shower, and he knows his freedom will soon come to an end. So, the game continues even after I emerge from the shower because I am really not interested in squatting down to help him while I am unclothed and dripping with water. And now he realizes he's getting an extra three minutes of freedom, so he begins wildly running through the Q-tips to spread them out even more all over my filthy bathroom floor - which is another issue altogether.
Once I'm finally dressed, he's already had so much Q-tip fun, that it's almost impossible to really gain control of this situation - he's just so excited about his masterpiece that he's created. Because of this, it takes about half an hour to clean them all up, which he amazingly makes into another frustrating game of throwing handfuls of Q-tips into about a 3-inch opening in the box, or picking them up one by one and putting them away in slow motion. Is this kid already mocking me??
So, after way too many motherly cliche's that I thought I'd never hear myself saying, and a couple of time-outs, we both went on with our day happy that he had such a fun time with the Q-tips.

Too Many Memories?

I don't know about the rest of you parents out there, but I definitely love to capture my memories of my family on film. Whether it's pictures or video, I feel like if I don't get it on some type of film, it will probably be forgotten. Especially now with all of the editing you can do and deleting of pictures from your camera, there's no such thing as a "wasted picture" anymore. However, Gavin stays a little annoyed at me because of this.
Take for instance the picture above. I took this when Gavin and Elijah were playing a game called "camp-out" where they pretend the blanket is their tent, and they listen for animal noises. But Gavin claims that my picture taking interrupts the actual "memory" that I'm trying to capture because when Eli sees me get up and come back with a camera, he usually stops what he's doing and just wants to see the camera. But after much encouragement and hiding of the camera, I was able to convince him to go back to his camp-out with daddy. So, I can understand Gavin's point of view - I tend to mess up a lot of their time together for the sake of a Kodak moment. But, I really want those pictures because I have such a bad memory I know I'll forget all of this day-to-day stuff that goes on. And if I didn't get the camera, we wouldn't have this really cute picture of the two of them playing - is this selfish of me?
Besides, it's not all my fault either. I can't really help it that Elijah keeps his mommy radar on at all times. No matter where I am in the house, he will locate me within five seconds if he feels it is necessary. And he can sense it when I leave the room even if he can't see me because he's sitting under a blanket. It can be kind of creepy sometimes.
I think my solution is going to be to just keep taking pictures and keep filming - hopefully Elijah will just get so used to it that he won't care anymore and he'll just ignore me.
And then I'll have to figure out what to do about the fact that he ignores me.

Mommy

Every once in a while it occurs to me how awesome it is that I have a little person in my life that calls me "mommy." I think it's the most wonderful sound in the world to me. I love hearing "mommy up" first thing in the morning and "hi mommy" as we're going through our day and passing by eachother in the house. I just think it's so cool that I am able to be someone's mommy. It's got to be one of the best gifts I've been given in my life and I am forever thankful for it.

Praise You In This Storm

"Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us."


I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth





"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
My Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

Six Weeks

This past Thursday, Eveyn would have been six weeks old. I have found myself thinking about her constantly over the past couple of days, wondering what she would be doing and what she would look like at this point. I look at the pictures of Elijah when he was that age, and judging by how she looked when she was born, I can't help but think that she would look very similar to Elijah. Her thick black hair would probably be starting to fall out wherever she laid her head to sleep. She may even be sleeping through the night like Elijah was at this point. But then again, she may have been keeping me up all night long with collick. What I wouldn't give to hear her screaming all night.
I miss being able to hear those beautiful little breathy sounds when she tries to talk to me. And the drunk look on her face that comes with a full belly. But most of all I just wonder what she would look like with her eyes focused in on mine as she begins to make those first little smiles. I would love to see her toothless smile right now.
I've heard that the first year after a loved one dies is the hardest. To experience all of the holidays and special dates for the first time without that person is like experiencing their death all over again; and that really is how I've felt the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about what Eveyn would be doing through each hour of the day, how she would be interacting with Elijah, and how I would be juggling the two of them together. I guess eventhough it's only been six weeks, I'm surprised when it all of a sudden gets so hard not to have Eveyn here.
I can only rest in God's promises and divine knowledge and understanding for the life of my family. After all, it's not really my life or my family. It's his; and he has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it while I'm here on this earth.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... Plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

A First

Okay - this is a picture of the fire truck leaving our house this morning. I had to take a picture to commemorate our first call to 911 for Elijah. Before anyone gets concerned - he's fine.
But, he did lock himself in the house today as I was unloading groceries from the car. Normally, I leave my keys in my pocket "just in case," but today I didn't. They were inside along with my cell phone. Thankfully, my good friend Lizzie was only about 20 minutes from the house anyway, so I just waited for her to get there to use her phone. While I waited I tried to talk Elijah through instructions to unlock the door, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even now how he locked it in the first place, so my instructions were not helpful. But it was getting a little comical listening to him yell at me through the door as if I was the one that locked him in.
Finally Lizzie arrived and I first attempted to call Gavin at work for him to come home and unlock the door. After about 4 tries, I gave up and called my mom. She wasn't at home and was not able to come help me either. So, she told me to just call 911. So, I decided that was my best option since I didn't know how promptly a locksmith would get there.
When I called 911 the dispatcher told me that the firemen could take care of it, but they would have to use forced entry, which means I would then be paying for a busted door or window. At that information, my first thought was, "Gavin's going to kill me." So, as I hear the sirens start up (the fire station is only a couple of miles from the house) I made a last ditch effort to get into the house. Amazingly, I found our bedroom window unlocked. So, in my excitement I hurridly threw the screen off, pushed open the window, and pushed away the oversized chair that was sitting in front of the window as if it weighed no more than a throw pillow. I wasn't expecting to see Elijah standing in my dark room watching me and he wasn't expecting to see his mom crawling through the window, so we scared each other to death. We looked at each other with the same surprised expression while he said, "mommy?" and I said, "Elijah!" I still don't know if he was more relieved to see me or just confused as to why I locked him inside only to come get him 30 minutes later through my bedroom window.
So, no broken doors or windows, and better yet, no injured toddlers!
And, the very friendly firemen came out anyway just to double check and make sure we were all okay.
Hey, at least he was locked inside his own nice, cool house and not the car! See Gavin, it could always be worse!

Cutest Kid in the World

I know, I know... everyone thinks their kid is the cutest. But look at this picture! This was taken in Ft. Worth when Gavin and I took Elijah to see the cattle drive and walk the cattle pin maze. It was the first time we were really able to enjoy a family day with each other after Eveyn was born. It was a great get-away day for us!

Car Wash

Elijah and I went to wash my car today. He was excited to go and "wash mommy's car," but when we pulled up to the station, he got worried and started saying, "all done." We go to a drive-thru wash by our house that you don't get out of the car for, and he's never been too sure about all of the noise of the wash. As I was putting the money in to the automated woman on the touch screen, Elijah started to become more and more concerned. And I started to reassure him more and more. As we pulled up to the opening of the car wash, I looked back at him to tell him it was going to be okay and he looked at me, reached out his hand and said, "hand mommy." So I reached back and held his hand the whole way through the car wash until he bravely let go of me as we exited the other side.
The majority of my days are filled with thoughts that Elijah is growing up too fast and becoming old enough to where he doesn't need me as much as he used to. So I was thankful today for those three minutes that he desperately needed me in order to make it through the car wash.

Name Change

I've decided to change the name of my blog because although we lost Eveyn, it just doesn't feel right for the blog name to remain all about Elijah. While Eveyn is not physically with us every day the way Elijah is, she is just as much a part of our family and our home as he is. I plan on writing about her and her influence on our family from time to time, so I needed the blog to reflect that in the name. So, welcome to Casa de Pate. Mi casa es su casa!

Eveyn Elizabeth Pate
April 27, 2006
5:14 am
7 lbs., 4 oz.
I wanted to post a picture of Eveyn for others to see. None of the pictures I have do justice to her beautiful and unique characteristics. We will love her and miss her as long as we're here on this earth.

Happy Easter

Butter Head

Toddlers do some weird things. One morning over breakfast, Elijah decided it would be a good idea to rub his buttered toast all over his hair. I'm still not sure why, and he's never done it again. He must have decided that the greasy look isn't a good one, which I'm thankful for.
Another strange behavior that he's decided he really likes to do is to very carefully drop down on the floor in mid-stride to lay down. He just rolls on his back and watches the world go by for a few minutes. He might roll over to get a different angle, but he generally just kind of hangs out for a few minutes. It's actually pretty entertaining to watch, because a lot of the time he looks like he's in deep thought about something. So, unless he's in a spot where it just doesn't work to stop and lay down, I generally let him do his thing. I think he must need the break, or need to ponder something pretty important.
I never really knew how entertaining it would be to watch your child grow up. I know it's not always fun (like when he threw a fit and screamed at the top of his lungs in the store today because he wanted more Cheerios, which makes you feel like everyone is looking at you like you need to get your child in control), but I hope I never lose sight of the humor and joy in my kids at any point.

This was actually back in February on a day that was freezing, and sleeting as we sat and watched Eli play b-ball. This outing didn't last too long.

"D-Dall" Pics

Sports Fan

Anyone who has come to our house in the last month has seen the very obtrusive toddler size basketball goal in our already not-so-spacious living room. This is Elijah's new obsession. Otherwise known at "d-dall" (or you might know it as b-ball). If he is awake he is either playing basketball or talking about playing basketball, or asking to watch basketball on tv, all while chanting "d-dall, d-dall, d-dall." He seems to think that at any point of the day or night, we can just turn on the tv and there will be a basketball game on. Right now, as I look at the living room floor, I can see four different "basketballs" that are on hand at all times.
But it's not only basketball that Elijah loves. He also has really enjoyed the football season this year. If there were football games on tv as often as basketball or if he had a football field in his backyard, he would be just as obsessed with this game. He does however have three different footballs that are constantly carried around the house and thrown to the nearest person - whether you are looking or not. And the kid has a great arm, so you could easily get nailed in face if you're not paying attention. This is something we may have to work on before his little sister gets here!
We really don't watch that much basketball and football, and what we do watch is usually when Elijah is sleeping. So it's interesting to me that he is so enthralled by these sports. It makes me wonder how much of this interest in sports comes from his genes and how much is learned.
This may just be a stage that he will grow out of and won't show much interest in later in his life. Or it could be the start of a life-long love. It's fascinating to watch him grow and form into his own unique little person with specific likes and dislikes, and it makes me look forward to the person he will be in the years to come.

Bookshelf Reorganizer

Sickness

Thankfully, Elijah hasn't ever been really sick or hurt in his young life. I know of many kids his age that have had every illness possible at this point. Even so, I think watching your child be sick or hurt is one of the hardest things to do as a mom. It's so hard to watch them hurt, even if it is just a cold they have.
In the last week or so Elijah has been trying to get over a somewhat nasty cold (which he's still fighting), fell face-first onto our tile floor while trying to chase me (and I always expect him to get hurt while playing the rougher-than-I-like games with Gavin), and today gets his first bout of diarrhea. It's been kind of a rough week.
But what I've noticed is that it doesn't quite affect Gavin the same way it does me. He feels bad for Elijah, but not in the same way or to the same degree as I do. His comforting words to me are, "well, I just think about when he gets older and he'll have to go through much worse and more painful things than this."
Thanks a lot. Now not only am I worrying about the possible damage done to his teeth and mouth and whether or not he's getting dehydrated from his sick stomach, I'm also worrying about his first car wreck that he gets in when he's 16 and too immature to be driving in the first place. Or like Gavin said, "he'll be a lot more sad and hurt when he can't get a date to the prom." Again, not a helpful comment to me, but thanks for trying.
Overall, Elijah is a very healthy, happy little boy. And it's times like this, when he's sick and hurt, that make me even more thankful for his health and all of the blessings that he brings us every day. I know there are so many kids that don't have their health and their parents have to watch them hurt much more than I could ever imagine.
So, it's nights like this that I read a couple more books to him than I normally do before bed, and stand over his crib rubbing his back and praying for him a little longer before rushing off to have the rest of the night to myself.
If this is the worst it's been in the last 16 months, then we are blessed.

Walking

Well, I was getting pretty anxious about this one, but as of December 15, at 15 1/2 months old, Elijah is walking. For that first week, he was only taking a few steps at a time, but over the last week he has discovered that most of the time he prefers walking over crawling. When he falls, instead of just breaking into a crawl, he'll carefully stand back up and try again. And his new talent he's learned just over the past couple of days is the pivot. That's pretty cute to watch. This is a very careful and serious task that he does with great concentration. And he's getting really good at it.
It's amazing how this one milestone literally changes your baby into a toddler. He looks so grown up now that he's on two feet. And he looks so proud of himself everytime he stands up that it's tough not to smile and show your own pride while you watch him.
So, one more milestone passed, and one more worry relieved.

Dress-Up

In the past few weeks, Elijah has become very interested in dressing up while he plays and we're just hanging around the house. These are just a couple of pictures of some of his favorite things to wear. He thinks his sunglasses are pretty cool, but the coolest thing is to wear socks on his hands. And he seems to prefer these pumpkin socks over all of his other socks. Once he has the socks on, the loves to clap his hands together either for the sound, the feel, or maybe both. He also likes trying to pick things up with his sock hands, but once it gets frustrating enough, he'll frantically pull the socks off to get the job done. But he immediately needs the socks back on once he has what he needs. This morning we were playing in his room and his outfit consisted of a onesie, a snow hat, one shoe and two pairs of socks on his hands. He's pretty entertaining!

It's a Girl!

For anyone who hasn't heard yet, we found out last week that our new little baby is a girl. Much thanks to the sonogram tech that wiggled, pressed and shook my belly from all sides in order for us to find out! We are very excited about the news, but it's amazing how different it is from the first baby. When we found out that we were having a boy the first time, it was a pretty emotional experience and very exciting. This time, we both just said, "Wow, a girl. That's cool." And then went on with our days. I think I'm feeling this way for two reasons. First, I had convinced myself that this one was going to be a boy, which has actually proven to me that I really wanted a girl much more than I wanted to admit. Now I think I'm just a little in shock with the idea. And this leads me to my second reason for feeling the way I do. I think there's a part of me that's a little scared about having a girl. There are so many neat and fun things that go along with having a girl, but when I start to think about adolescent and teen years, it makes me nervous! Girls have to deal with so much stuff that boys don't and I think it will be very hard as her mom to know that she is having to go through that stuff. But I know it's just part of life.
So, all this to say that yes, I am very excited to be having a little girl. I have always wanted one just like I have always wanted a boy, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to experience them both. As far as all of my other emotions about it - I'm pregnant. If I wasn't worrying about what she will be dealing with 15 years from now, I'd be worrying about something else.

"The greatest gift you can give your children is not your riches, but revealing to them their own."
- Max Lucado

First "Real" Halloween

Last year at Halloween Elijah was only 2 months old, so needless to say we didn't do much of anything. I bought him a giraffe costume, he wore it for about 30 minutes at our house and we handed out candy to neighborhood kids.
This year, I was determined to make his own costume, for two reason. One, I wanted it to be cheaper than a store-bought costume. Two, I wanted it to be original. As you can tell from the pictures, he was a skunk. The cost thing didn't work out like I expected. It was a simple costume, but it still turned out to be about twice as much as something bought at a store. But, the idea was that he would have a new black sweat shirt and pants that would last him through the rest of the fall and winter, thus justifying the cost. I was determined to make that stripe stick while still salvaging the sweatshirt, but I was not successful. So, he has a pair of pants to wear throughout the winter, but as far as wearing the hooded jacket, he now has a permanant skunk jacket.
My second reason for wanting to make the costume instead of buying was to be original. That was successful. I never saw one other skunk all night long, and only a couple of people mistakenly thought he was a cat. But those few people also thought he was a girl.
So, Halloween was much more fun this year. We went to the outside festival set up at our church where Elijah played a lot of games that involved throwing balls into buckets, and won a lot of candy for his parents!

Thoughtful Gavin

I just wanted to brag for a minute about my wonderful husband. Several weeks ago he received his annual pay raise at work. And a couple of days later I received some beautiful flowers at my door. The note with them just said that I was his partner in everything, even the work that he does at his job. Very sweet.

I realized I don't have any pictures of my little buddy and me on my blog, so I went looking for some and this is the most recent I could find! Pretty sad since this picture is 8 months old! Someone needs to take more pictures of us. This was hiking in Gorum, La when we visited Grandma.

Second Pregnancy Phenomena

I've discovered a couple of interesting things with this second pregnancy. First is the whole idea that you're not supposed to be lifting anything too heavy while pregnant. Since I am a stay-at-home mom of a 14-month old that's not walking yet, all I ever do is pick up and put down 25 pounds of baby, all day long. So, it just boggles my mind when someone notices that I'm carrying a plate, a little tv, a broom, a glass of water, etc. and they insist that I let them take it because I'm pregnant. But, when they see me bending over and picking up my heavy little boy, there's no offer what-so-ever to help me out. Interesting.
The second thing I've noticed is that I forget I'm pregnant with this one. I'm so consumed with Elijah all day long, that I don't have time to obsess about this new baby. I remember with my first pregnancy all I ever did was think about it, wonder what was coming next, worry that I was doing everything right to be healthy, and get impatient that I had to wait so long to meet this baby. Now I don't think about any of that stuff unless someone specifically asks me about it, or I have a doctor's appointment. For example, yesterday someone asked me how far along I was and I told them 12 weeks. Then I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon only to find out that I am actually 14 weeks along. Somewhere in the last month, I stopped counting and lost two weeks. But, it's probably a blessing since I stressed out so much over my first pregnancy. I'm obviously much more relaxed this time!

swingin' at the park

Toe Tapping In Gorum

A few weeks ago Elijah and I went to Gorum, La with my mom to visit my grandmother and other family. I knew it would be a fun trip for Elijah and that he would stay pretty entertained the whole time, but I never considered the idea that he would learn a new skill that he'll keep with him the rest of his life.
A couple of months ago, Elijah had started his own little version of "baby dancing" every time he heard any music. He mostly just sat on his bottom and rocked back and forth. He had kept up this same routine, without any adjustments for several weeks. Until we went to Gorum.
One afternoon we went to visit one of my great aunts. Elijah was playing in her living room with a toy that sings the ABC's, and Aunt Carley started to tap her foot along with the song. Elijah was fascinated with her "dancing" and watched her over and over as he continued to make the toy sing. He was studying her so intently that it was obvious he was trying to figure out how to do it himself. And then he made his move. He stood up holding on to the coffee table and began stomping his foot while watching Aunt Carley's. Ever since that afternoon, he hasn't stopped stomping his foot to music. Whether he's standing, sitting on the floor or even riding in his car seat, when he hears a song he likes, his foot starts moving.
Now, I know that at some point in his life Elijah would have learned this simple concept of tapping his foot along to music. But so many things kids learn, you have no idea when or how they picked them up. But I had the honor of watching the entire process right in front of me on Aunt Carley's living room floor. I will remember that day for the rest of my life.

Surprise, Surprise!

Well, as most of you already know, baby number two is on it's way. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle all of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and happy about this new addition to our family, but it's literally happening a year and a half earlier than I expected it. I don't know how long it's going to take for it all to sink in, but I'm still in a state of shock. It still doesn't feel real to me.
As I tried to fall asleep last night, all I could do was lay there remembering, minute by minute, the birth of Elijah. I thought your brain let you forget all of that in time to go through it again. That's what I've been told by so many people. It's not that I don't want to do it again, but I really wasn't planning on it this soon. And I remember SO MUCH of those 13 hours last August.
I keep reminding myself that with Elijah I gained almost 60 pounds, he weighed almost 9 1/2 pounds, and he was turned the wrong way and had to be vacuumed out of me. And, I had to be rushed into surgery right after he was born. These are all things that I plan on working very hard at NOT repeating with this baby. I know I can't do much about the baby's weight, but the rest of the stuff I should be able to handle.
I just can't believe my little Eli is barely one year old and I had to pull out the handy pregnancy books last night to start reading them again. I still can't wrap my head around it. It feels like I'm reading the books to get information for a friend who has just found out they are pregnant, instead of for myself.
I mean, I just finished storing away all of Elijah's tiny baby clothes, and I just recently finished space-bagging all of my maternity clothes. Now in a few short months I'll be getting all of that down again and trying to figure out how to fit two cribs in that small bedroom.
It sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not. I'm just processing. I know that this is a blessing and I am very thankful that Gavin and I don't have the frustrations and stress of those people that are never able to have children. And maybe that's part of my shock of this whole situation. We have been and continue to be extremely blessed. But I know all I can do is be thankful and respond to these blessings with respect and admiration.

The Blessing of a Child

I've written down the words to one of my favorite songs by Nichole Nordeman. It holds a lot more meaning now that I found out she wrote this after her son was born. It is such a great description of how I feel as a mother. In the first few weeks after Elijah was born, I remember being awake with him in the middle of the night, in a dark room somewhere in the house, just the two of us. It felt like we were the only people alive sometimes and I remember realizing what an awesome responsibility I had been given. And wondering why I had been chosen to raise this little boy. It made me feel so insignificant, but incredibly important at the same time. It was a life-changing realization that has altered me on so many levels. And it is such a gift.

Brave, by Nichole Nordeman

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...
Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything

Happy Birthday, Eli!

It's hard to believe that the little guy in this sonogram picture is a year old already. This last year has been more fun than Gavin and I ever expected. Of course it's been exhausting at times and frustrating at other times, but I can barely remember those times in comparison to everything else that Elijah has been to us.
We have been blessed with a beautiful, bright shining ray of light. This is really the best way I know how to describe Elijah. He is energetic, he is cheerful, he is very silly and loves to laugh, and he is so loving. I could list a thousand aspects of Elijah that I love and still not list them all.
I know I'm supposed to be a little apprehensive about the next year as he enters toddler-hood, but I'm not. I'm excited to watch him grow and learn. I'm excited to see his first steps, I'm excited to hear him learn new words, and I'm actually excited to see him start to assert his independence more. He is a beautiful kid with a wonderful personality and even at only one year old, I am so proud of the little person that he is. Happy Birthday, Eli!