Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Never the Same Again

Casa de Pate

I didn't think it would come true for me, but it did. In the months leading up to the Christmas season, I read numerous articles in my many parenting magazines about how to prepare for the holidays as a new mom. Why would it be any different? Other than the fact that I had this wonderful new person with me to share it with, why would Christmas be any different? Well, just as the holidays are changed forever once you get married, they are also changed forever once you have a kid. And the only problem with that is that I sometimes still feel like a kid myself - selfishly wanting Christmas to hold all the same magic it did growing up. But I guess that's all over now and I have to grow up and start making that same magic for my own son. I discovered all of this while sitting at my parent's house, all by myself in their bedroom nursing my son, while sounds of laughter and fun wafted through the hallways. I then re-discovered it all over again later that same night while I was again alone in my parent's bedroom with my screaming son, trying to put him to sleep.
I had read in my magazine articles that during the holidays all of the grandparents, aunts and uncles would be fighting eachother off in order to hold your little one, as long as he wasn't crying. And, to my surprise, that actually wasn't the case. I have to give my aunts and my parents credit for trying, but it seemed that only I could soothe him at the end of an exhausting, overwhelming Christmas day. So, there I was, left alone. After going through my emotions of resentfulness and anger toward the rest of my family for leaving me all alone in the back of the house with a screaming baby (remember I still feel like a kid myself, and still getting used to this whole baby thing), I realized that it's no one's fault that I am in this situation. I have a wonderful, supportive family that would gladly hold onto my son no matter how loud he was screaming. I'm just a mom now. Plain and simple. My life is changed forever. I'm no longer the kid, I'm no longer without responsibility. I am one of the adults in the family and more importantly, I am a mom - and I couldn't be happier or more proud of that fact.
So, while Christmas is forever changed, I am excited about creating a lifetime of memories for my son like the ones I have of my own childhood.