New Life

I have had a dead tree in my back yard for several months, with no intention of pulling it up and trashing it. This tree happens to be the Japanese Maple that was given to us as just a little sapling when Eveyn died six years ago. When I realized it was not blooming this past spring, I was heartbroken. Gavin got on the phone with several tree experts to get opinions, and they all agreed there was no saving my poor little tree. As a last ditch effort, we had a guy actually come out and look at it to make sure. The guy understandably had no idea the significance of my tree, or the level of emotion that he was unfairly walking in to. Once he said the words, "that thing is firewood. I'll rip it up and get rid of it for you," and I started to cry and felt like I could punch him, I knew that it would absolutely not be pulled up until I had a plan for it. So, I've had a dead, abandoned and sad-looking tree just sitting and waiting for me to do something with it. Waiting for it's new life. Along comes Ann Voskamp and my little Eveyn tree has a new life. I knew that something would come to me to let me keep this sweet tree and reminder of our thankfulness for Eveyn's life.

The kids and I set out this morning with a saw to finally cut down the branches. It is still rather big to have in the house, and I need a much better vase or container to put them in, but it works for now. We cut out the paper leaves, read the verses on each one, and talked about our thankfulness for so many things. We are abundantly blessed.

Even though it's still just a grouping of bare branches, I can't tell you how much life it now has with these lovely leaves of thankfulness on them. I am truly thankful for this new life for my little tree.

I will also use my tree for a Jesse Tree for Christmas, and an Easter tree in the spring.

Dinner Conversation

My kids love the Dinner Question Game. It's not really a game, but a box of questions that I bought before I ever had kids. We've hardly ever used it until this year, but it has become a family favorite.

Gavin is a conversation starter, in case you didn't know. When the places are finally set, food is on plates, when the trio of noise has pulled up to the table, and a hungry prayer of thanks is said, dad is always eager for the conversations to begin. It started tonight with Eli miserably complaining about the homemade mac and cheese and green beans that were in front of him, because apparently the boxed variety is much tastier. He chose not to eat it. Fine by me - as long as his ravenous belly doesn't wake him up at 6:00 a.m. ready to be filled. Gavin, ever the encourager and optimist, instead of engaging Eli in a discussion about his distaste for this lovely meal, used it as a conversation starter.

"It's ok if you don't like it right now. Can you think of something that you used to dislike eating that you really enjoy now that you're older?" It worked. He immediately got out of his "I don't want to eat this" grumpiness and enthusiastically started listing foods while munching on his green beans (something that used to literally make him gag).

As we usually do with these conversations, we go around the table and take turns getting each person's opinion so that no little person or little voice is left out or talked over. However, when we got to Ella, she was bored with this topic of food likes/dislikes and instead went and picked up the question box. No matter how simple or boring the question is from the box, Ella gets excited about it. I think there is a bit of mystery to it for her that makes her enjoy it so much. Or it may just be the fact that it comes from a cute little box instead of her dad who asks her questions all the time.

Question #1: If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you, what would it be?

Well, this question totally threw them off. "What? My house is on fire? One thing?" Their answers reveal so much about their little minds, personalities and development at each age.
Emmie: "Flowers. And my Tangled flip flops." Makes perfect sense.

Ella: "I would just take a hose so that I could spray it on the fire." Clever. But if you can't take the hose, you have to take something that is important to you, that belongs to you. "OH! Then I would take my lovable Simba!" What if you couldn't get Simba because he's already out? What favorite item would you take? (I have no idea why we kept asking her for different answers when she clearly has already given us two very good answers).

Before Ella could try to answer, Emmie broke into tears since she had concluded from our interrogation of Ella that Simba was going to be left in the fire. I thought she didn't even like him! Apparently her attitude toward him has all been a sham, and she cares very deeply for him. I am touched. And we assured her that we would never leave Simba in a house fire.

Eli's analytical mind was tortured by this question. "Only ONE thing? I DON'T KNOW!" So Eli passes. Next question.

Question #2: If you could spend a day with a famous person, who would it be and what would you do?

Emmie: "Nana! We would sit and pet Bluebell all the time." Done! Check that one off your list! What an accomplishment in your little life.

Ella: "Pop! We would go to the fair or the circus all day!" Again - Check! Move on to the next big dream in life. (Am I being too sarcastic with their sweet little minds?)

Eli: Said with such certainty and enthusiasm. "Roger Federer. We would play tennis all day."

A little peek into my sweet kids' minds. I love the way they work.

Thankfulness

Either race car driving or pod racer driving. Either way, they were racing.


Today I am thankful for the creative genius in the heads of my kids. We spend a whole lot of time outside of the house running errands, playing tennis, seeing various family members, going to church, friends' houses, etc., etc., etc. But, as a homeschool family, we also spend a good amount of time at home doing chores, reading, writing and being "bored" with down-time.

I love the "I'm bored" state that the kids get to. It's in this state of boredom where their true creativity and thoughtfulness comes shining through. It only takes about five minutes of realizing they have "nothing to do" before they realize this actually isn't true. The melancholy voices and glum faces are quickly faced with a mom demanding a list of things they are thankful for. There is an amazing transformation that occurs with this practice. Their selfish boredom gives way to thankful creativity, which in turn makes this mom very thankful!

Lost Time

Yes, here I am again...3 years later. Amazing. I am writing again with both enthusiasm and apprehension. Enthusiasm because I am motivated to start recording the happenings of our little family again - if only for myself to be able to have my favorite memories recorded. Apprehension because I am very critical of myself on many different levels, and to once again put myself out here feels kind of like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. I realize most of the time my entries here consist of tales from the lives of my little people, however I have been consistently prompted and lead to write about some of my more personal journeys in life.

I have told myself over and over that I don't need to put that stuff out there on my blog, but I don't really think that's true. What I have discovered that I need most (and I really do mean "I". This is a personal journey, which everyone does differently) is to share these things, these issues, struggles with others.

It's difficult for me to describe the amount of anxiety and panic I feel when I encounter someone who I feel could benefit from and be ministered to by my own experiences and trials. I want to share openly so very badly, but I just can't. My heart starts pounding, my head gets light and dizzy, my stomach starts turning and I get about one step away from passing out. It's crazy!

But here's the deal - I'm convinced it's gotten worse each month, each year that I keep it all to myself. I cannot change the fact that certain struggles and trials have been brought into my life. Some of them make some sort of sense, some of them I have no clue what the point of them are. But one thing I can't deny is that God has allowed them to be there. I believe strongly that the trials in our lives have two general purposes - 1) for ourselves to learn, grow and change, and 2) for someone else to learn, grow, and change from our experiences.

I have been half-way allowing the first part of this to take place from my experiences. I am half-heartedly trying to learn, grow and change from my struggles because there's a part of me that is fighting the fact that they are in my life in the first place. And the second part, the part about letting others learn, grow and change from my experiences, I'm not doing at all because I'm keeping it all to myself. And I think this is where the anxiety really comes into play. If I am completely open and honest with others about where I'm coming from, what I've struggled with in life, then I have to fully admit and accept that it's a real, present part of my life. Ouch!

I have recently been distantly introduced to a family that lost their almost full-term baby girl a few weeks ago. My heart breaks for them. When I first learned about it, I cried for them and their loss, and had an instant desire to make contact with them. And then immediately following that, I cried for myself and my absolute panic when I think about talking to this other grieving mother. An instant wave of emotion and grief came over me as if Eveyn had just died. How could I possibly be a voice of experience, comfort or wisdom if I'm in this emotional, panicked state? And how could I not reach out to this hurting woman simply because I couldn't pull myself together emotionally?

It was an epiphany moment. And a very scary moment. I have known for a while now that I have never processed through my grief over losing Eveyn. I'm emotionally stuck just a few weeks past her death. I have been half-heartedly trying to move beyond this point, because again, if I really start moving forward in this, I have to really accept that it's there. Yes, that one stings.

So, here's what I have decided. This blog is one where I want to and NEED to record my memories with my funny kids and dear husband (which I have apparently missed the last three years of!). But it also needs to be a place for me to process through bigger issues and allows me to get them out in the open. My thought, and my hope is that as I write them out here, it will not only be therapeutic for me, but also a first step in sharing them with others. And then, just maybe, I won't feel like I'm having a heart attack when I need to actually talk to someone in person.

Homeschooling Thoughts

This is an entry I found through the Pioneer Woman blog that I follow (the author is not the Pioneer Woman, but another author named Mrs. G).
I love it. It is so true that the number one question and/or comment from anyone that finds out you homeschool is about the socialization of your kids. I will just add my response to that topic: Public school does not equal "socialized and normal kid." I think we can all think about kids we know or knew growing up that have/had socialization issues in various ways. And secondly, homeschool does not equal "socially awkward kid that never gets out of the house." All we are doing is teaching our kids during the day, which actually usually only takes up about an hour or two instead of 8-9 hours sitting in a class. We're not boarding up the windows and creating a compound where no one may leave or enter. In fact, we often do school OUTSIDE, possibly while even out in PUBLIC living a normal life. Scary, I know. Anyway, here is the post. And sorry, but you will have to put up with the author writing in the annoying third person.

The Oldest One in the Book

Mrs. G. has been in the homeschooling business for fourteen years and she has taken great pleasure in watching it become more mainstream and garden variety. She can’t visit a Barnes & Noble to this day without stopping by to visit and admire the homeschooling section. Back in the day, Mrs. G. ordered some homeschooling how-to books out of the back of Mother Earth News that were photocopied and stapled. We’ve come a long way friend.

And yet, Mrs. G. notices that it is still, all these years later, almost impossible to have a homeschooling discussion without more than a couple of people (usually blood relations) bringing up that one question, the question that has plagued homeschoolers since that first brave mother threw on an appliquéd denim jumper and sent the school bus on its way without her children on it:



What about socialization?

Mrs. G. has dealt with this question so many times that she is going to have to take a moment to whack her head on her desk three times to call herself back to order. Hold on a sec…
She’s back.

What about socialization?

Mrs. G. is going to start out by taking you back to a crisp fall evening in the early nineties. The G. family was invited to dinner by a woman named Linda who was in Mrs. G’s food co-op. Linda and her husband had four kids, ages 7, 9, 14 and 16. The two families sat around a big table eating lasagna and talking. Dinner and conversation went on for over two hours, and Mrs. G. couldn’t help noticing that Linda’s kids, particularly her two teenage boys, were the most polite, interesting and respectful kids she had ever spent an evening with. They were comfortable discussing all the things they were up to (writing and illustrating comic books, gardening, filming high school football for a local cable access channel, playing guitar, dismantling computers) and seemed so confident and at ease. When Mrs. G. brought up how she was looking into kindergarten for her daughter, Linda mentioned that her kids had never been to school though her oldest was off to college in the fall. Mr. and Mrs. G. were slightly scandalized. No school school. They had never heard of such a thing.
Driving home that night, Mrs. G. remembers thinking that she hoped her kids, small potatoes at 5 and 1, would turn out half as likable as Linda’s crew. A couple of months later, she found book of essays on homeschooling at the library and that was that.

Mrs. G. isn’t sure when “socialization” became such an urgent and determining concern in shaping a child’s future, but she’s got to tell you, loud and clear, that she thinks the idea that a public school setting fosters a higher caliber, gold standard set of cultural skills, habits and norms is a used and tired bill of goods. It’s a crock. She’s feeling unusually strident and squawky on this subject, because last night she had to swill a gin & tonic to come to terms with the letter her son brought home in his backpack, yesterday, on week three of his first-time-in-public-school experience.

And just because we’re all friends here and this has nothing to do with the topic at hand and this is the way Mrs. G’s mind works, Mrs. G. is going to confess that she has some serious misgivings about her son wanting to give their local high school of 1700 students a try. She isn’t concerned about the quality of his education. He’s loving his classes and all of the opportunities a huge school has to offer. She’s concerned that his fourteen years of experiencing the luxury of the freedom and time to become who he really is is going to be undone by four years in a school where pop culture and cliques rule the roost. Laugh if you want, but Mrs. G. has invested years in raising a young man who is gentleman and she knew exactly what some of his homeschooled girl friends meant when they registered alarm that he was heading to the big leagues of high school. I hope they don’t ruin him, one of them whispered. His own older and wiser sister bit her lip at the news and said, oh lordy, he is in for some culture shock. He doesn’t do the whole crude thing.

Mrs. G. isn’t suggesting that children can’t thrive in public school, because, of course, she knows they can. She did. And she knows that public schooled kids are perfectly wonderful in general. Kids are just plain wonderful in general. She has spent a considerable amount of time living and working with kids of every educational stripe and she knows there is no one formula to successfully raising and educating children, there are infinite formulas. And here’s the rub: she and homeschoolers at large are only asking for the same benefit of the doubt…don’t assume it takes a school to produce a kid capable of successfully functioning socially in the world.No doubt, the socialization question is the byproduct of not understanding that most homeschooled children aren’t spending their days chained to the kitchen table with their fourteen other siblings while their overbearing, oversheltering mothers drill them all day with grammar or math facts, making special efforts to assure they have no thoughts of their own. Mrs. G. can’t speak for all homeschooling mothers, but she has to tell you that along with the work they did at home and the planned and spontaneous field trips they took weekly, her kids took classes, volunteered at the Humane Society or food bank, played with friends, babysat, dogsat, lived at the library, glued things, grew things, the list is endless. At least once a month, Mrs. G. would stomp her foot and say, we are not going anywhere for two solid days. We need to get some stuff done around here! Mrs. G. had to occasionally curb socialization.

Mrs. G. isn’t sure when we decided that it was more important for kids to spend most of their time with their peers rather than society at large. She’s got to tell you that in this arena, she thinks homeschooled kids are the victors; they tend to be unusually comfortable and secure in dealing with people of all ages. When homeschoolers get together, you can be sure that there will probably be babies, toddlers, little kids, big kids, bigger kids, moms, dads, grandparents, a crazy aunt… and Mrs. G. loves seeing all of them interact. She remembers many sunny homeschooling play dates at the park where at any given time you might see a group of teens playing football using a toddler as the ball (they never spiked the little cuss) or a group of silly girls teaching someone’s Papaw how to braid a friendship bracelet or a couple of seasoned moms giving a young mom a tutorial on how to deal with tantrums at the grocery store. This is life, healthy life—interacting with all people, not just 300 of your peers, 300 kids all trying to grow and figure out life at the same time.

Mrs. G. is going to bring this communique to a close, because she know she’s been all over the place in this post. She’s hotblooded on this subject; she gets worked up. There are some legitimate reasons to be skeptical of homeschooling but the issue of socialization is certainly not one of them.

How do you spend time at Wal-Mart when you have to wait 2 hours for your car to get fixed? Play with every size funnel in the automotive section.

Wow, it feels good to be writing again after four months of NOTHING. So, here's what I know about myself. I am a perfectionist. Not a perfectionist in the sense that I look like I have it all together, and I never stop working - that would be my dear husband. My style of perfectionism is debilitating. I allow many things to be left undone because I am fearful that they won't be done exactly how I want them to be. Thus, no blogging for four months at a time. But fear not - I am working on this and plan on contributing to my blog much more often than I have been.
So, what's been going on in the last four months? Really the last nine months since I haven't truly posted anything of significance since Emerson was born. Oh my - I've just realized I have fulfilled a stereotype of the third child. Isn't that the child that's always left behind and forgotten? Now I've let her entire first nine months of life go by without any updates, stories, or pictures on here. I must get better at this.
Back to the update - what's been going on with us? A lot. The last shall be first, right? So I'll start with little Emie Ray (which she is so affectionately referred to as by everyone in our house). So hard to believe she is nine months old! I am really enjoying seeing her own personality start to come out. She absolutely adores Elijah and Ella, and they are pretty smitten with her as well. Emerson usually spends the day chasing them around the house and playing with whatever they are playing with. I honestly don't remember the last time she played with any of her own baby toys. Which reminds me, I need to put them away somewhere instead of junking up my living room for no reason.
She hasn't made it to her 9 month check-up yet, but I'm very curious to see how she's weighing and measuring. I'm pretty sure she weighs about the same as Ella now who is 2 1/2. To set anyone's mind at ease, Emerson is not as big as a 2 year old, I just have a very skinny and petite little girl in Ella.
So, on to little Ella Bella. Wow, she is a two year old in every way. She is silly, happy and wants to do everything her way and in her own time. And she is so sweet and generous. It is also very obvious to many that she is just like her mom. I like this because it makes it very easy for me to relate with her and I feel like we've got a special bond through that. But, there's definitely a part of me that isn't so thrilled about it because I know what a tough road it can be at times with some of those traits.
I'm pretty sure that the last time I wrote anything about Ella she wasn't walking or talking yet. Once again, she did things on her own time. She started walking at 18 months. LATE, I know! She was 2 before she started saying much more than a handful of words, but now she is speaking full sentences non-stop, all day long. She still has some things that can only be understood by me, but for the most part she is understandable. Which brings up another aspect of her personality. I remember Elijah would try to tell me something one or two times and if I didn't get it, he'd just move on and forget about it. Ella is persistent. And loud. She will say something over, and over, and over and get louder with each attempt as if you can't hear her. It cracks me up because she absolutely will not give up until you get what she's saying.
And last but not least, Elijah. Elijah's only terms of endearment these days are Eli, dude, bud and babe. He's not real into being called by any other nickname like the girls. The best way I can sum up Elijah is that he is just like his dad. He is really into telling jokes and hearing jokes, but the poor kid tries way to hard to understand the entire situation surrounding the joke that has no relevance what-so-ever. Like, why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off.
Elijah: "so where was the chicken?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe at home resting."
Elijah: well, where does the chicken work and why was he taking the day off?
Me: I don't know. that's not the point of the joke.
Elijah: well, it would be funnier if it went like this. why did the elephant cross the road? because the chicken had been working a lot and he was really tired from crossing the road all the time, so he asked the elephant if he could cross the road that day, and the elephant told the chicken, you can take the day off and go play at home!
So, we are working with Mr. Analytical, Jr. on how to tell jokes. He is also FIVE now! And he eats like he's 25. We're going to have to start taking it easy on the food and keep that in check. Like he said today after asking if he could eat Ella's cheeseburger after already finishing his, "This is kind of like junk food, and if I eat too much food like this, I'll end up like a Sumo Wrestler wearing one of those diapers they wear." Still not sure if he's got that whole cause and effect relationship quite right since it sounds like he may be equating over-eating with Sumo wrestler loin cloths?? Not sure.
We will also be starting his school with him next week. He is excited about it. I will post pictures and more info once we actually get started on it.
Also, in the last four months Gavin has completed a very taxing summer of Greek I, II, and III that we are ALL thankful that he is done with!! He has also started a job as the ministry assistant at our church, in the last week lost that same job due to finance issues with the church, and gained a new, more stable position at another ministry. A lot has gone on and continues to come about in those situations, but we continue to be thankful and in awe of God's providence and protection over us. Gavin will start his new position October 1 and is starting the fall semester at school this week. Done with Greek, now on to Hebrew. Fun times.

So, here I am. Still alive, just very busy and with a major writing block. I'm not sure why I feel I have little to write about with all of the material that I get from the kids each day, but somehow I have let 5 months pass since my last post. And even that wasn't a real post - just pictures. So, I know all five of you who actually read this are super excited to be reading about my life again (blogs are so self-righteous aren't they?!), but beware of the following content. If you don't have a dark or inappropriate sense of humor at times, you may be offended by parts of the story below. Just fyi...

Today we decided to celebrate Eveyn's birthday a day early. She would be 3 years old tomorrow. However, tomorrow is Monday and I wanted to be able to go out to the cemetery with all of us together and knew that would be much easier on the weekend rather than during the week. So, after church we grabbed a quick lunch at Jack in the Box and then headed out to the cemetery where Eveyn is buried. Well, it was supposed to be a quick lunch, but since Elijah has to either tell a story or demonstrate something after every few bites, it was not as quick as I had hoped. But that's beside the point.

Ella of course had no idea what we were going to do, but Elijah did and he was excited about it. He talks about Eveyn all the time and tells me how much he misses her and wishes she was still here with us. I have written about this before, but I just love the things he says about her and the way he sincerely misses having his other sister with him. Now, he hasn't been out to the cemetery in a very long time, so like I said he was pretty excited. On the way there he started talking to Emerson and telling her what we were going to do (Ella was asleep at this point). He told Emerson in his happy little sing-song Elijah voice/baby talk voice, "we're going to visit Eveyn's graveyard! That's your sister, but you can't see her because she died! But we're going to her graveyard! Isn't that fun?!"

Once we arrived at the cemetery and before we got out of the car, I told Elijah that he couldn't run around and act crazy because he needed to be respectful of other people that were visiting people they loved also. He did well with this most of the time, but he was pretty happy since we were having cupcakes. As I was trying to secure a wreath that I had bought, Elijah took a break from asking when we were going to eat the cupcakes to ask a more important question. "When are we going to dig up Eveyn?" I'll just write out the rest of the conversation:

Me: "Dude, we aren't going to dig up Eveyn."
Eli: "Why not?"
Me: "Well, remember how we've talked about what happens to our bodies once we die?"
Eli: "Yeah, they decave."
Me: "Right, they decay. And Eveyn's spirit, her true self, is with Jesus in heaven. Eveyn's body is not alive anymore, so you wouldn't want it here with us now."
Eli: "Yeah, I know that mom. But we could dig up all her bones."
Me: "Why would you want to do that?"
Eli: "Well, I could give them to my dog someday."

And at this point, you just can't help but laugh. A lot. And Elijah doesn't get the joke, but he really likes that he has somehow said something funny. And sorry Pop, but he went on to tell the same "joke" about feeding Pop's bones to his dog someday too.
Once the totally inappropriate joking was over, we sat on the grass, enjoyed cupcakes together and talked about what we thought Eveyn would be like if she was still with us. Elijah became more serious and real quietly said, "yeah, I think she'd be pretty cute right now." It's hard to imagine what she would be like as a three year old, but I agree with Elijah that she'd be pretty cute.
Happy Birthday Eveyn

More pictures of Emerson

Pop, Uncle Steven, Elijah showing Emerson the bear he made for her at Build A Bear



Ella and Elijah taking a good look at Emerson for the first time with Gavin



Elijah and Ella watching Emerson get checked out and have a bath in the nursery




Nana and Emerson


Pretty blue eyes

Emerson Rae

Here are pics of baby Emerson!
















She was not happy to come out of her warm, dark home! She started screaming before she was even all the way out! She has adjusted well now and has become very fond of cuddling - see the picture of her zipped up in Gavin's jacket.
Will post more pictures when we are home. Should be going home Saturday morning.

A Day to Be Thankful

We are so happy to announce that Emerson Rae Pate has arrived!! She was born yesterday, November 26 at 8:18am. She's 8.5 pounds and 19 inches with a lot of cute, chubby rolls on her legs and arms. Of course, we think she is pretty dang cute! I wish I had a picture to share right now, but we're obviously still in the hospital and I forgot to bring my usb cable to hook up my camera to the computer. We should be going home on Saturday and I can post some pictures then.
I am recovering well after a couple of small complications during my c-section. I am thankful that that part is over and we have our new little girl!
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for the health and safety of both Emerson and me - we are very thankful!
I can't think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving!

Halloween

This is the Hulk and a ballerina, in case you can't tell. I never got a very good picture of either kid, or one of them together. But it's fitting since Halloween was pretty lame this year anyway. We tried to find a good church carnival or something to go to, but it didn't really work out. We did more driving than trick or treating, but lesson learned, I guess.

Wonderful Reminder

Not that I need any reminding since Eveyn is on my mind and my heart every day, but Elijah continues to be such a blessing in this realm of our life. He brings up Eveyn in the funniest ways sometimes and at other times in ways that are so gentle and sweet.

Last night I was folding laundry, some of which included baby blankets in preparation for Emerson's arrival. One of the blankets had some gross looking stains on it, so I asked Elijah to go throw it in the trash for me. He reluctantly did so, and then came back to me crying. I asked him what he was upset about and he told me that blanket was his favorite one and he didn't want it in the trash. I was thinking this was silly because it's been stored away forever and he was just overreacting because he doesn't like to get rid of anything. But then he got even more upset and told me that this particular blanket reminded him of Eveyn and it made him sad to put it in the trash. Well, obviously at this point the discussion was over and the blanket was immediately taken out of the trash and re-washed. How can I argue with that?

Even so, I was still doubting the legitimacy of his story a little since he hadn't seen the blanket in years. However, later that night at bedtime, he insisted on not only sleeping with the blanket, but placing it under his head and cuddling with it. So I guess for some reason, something about that blanket reminds him of his sister Eveyn that he still remembers and still misses quite a bit.

I am continually thankful for moments like these.

Elijah's Rain Issues

These pictures have nothing to do with his rain issues, but I don't post without pictures! So these are just various activities of Elijah.

Anyway, we got some great rain today! It's been so overcast for the last two days and today it rained. I thought it would be a great thing, but the afternoon was filled with problems for Elijah.
This morning I was cleaning out all of their clothes that don't fit, one of which was a Mavericks warm-up suit that is a size 3T. Elijah pretty much wears a 5 now, so I was definitely putting that in the discard pile. But of course when Elijah saw it, he wasn't going to let that happen and had to put it on right then. So I let him thinking he would see how short the pants were and have a meltdown and then agree that they didn't work anymore. Of course Elijah's comment was, "they're a bit short, but they work great!" Yeah, whatever. I don't really care to argue at this point after he's gone through all this work to put his basketball shorts on, his Dirk jersey, the entire warm-up suite, his socks and his shoes, and he's even got the jacket zipped all the way up to his neck just like Dirk does, and then with a big smile he stands back and says, "How great do I look, mom?!"

So later we're outside where it has been sprinkling off and on for the last several hours and I'm thinking he's going to play basketball with the warm-up suite on since he has all day and since it's pretty wet outside. But in fact, he now announces to me that he needs help taking it off so that he can play. The real players don't play in their warm-ups. Of course, they don't. But the real players actually have warm-ups that are baggy enough to fit over their shoes, and don't pull down their shorts and underwear when they're trying to take them off. And yes, I am complaining about this to Elijah as I'm trying to pry the ankle of the pants over his shoes, while bending over and coming close to fainting because the weight of Emerson being upside down is somehow cutting off my airway. And Elijah says, "oh mom, it's easy." Alright bucko, you sit down and take them off yourself. Yeah, not as easy as he thought. And then to top it off, about five minutes into playing without his warm-ups on, he starts complaining about getting wet. The warm-up suite is NOT going back on.

Once that fiasco is over and he's done playing, it was time to hop in the car and run around to the drugstore to get a couple of things. And amazingly, it started pouring down rain right as I was starting to put Ella in the car. So I quickly got her buckled in while Elijah was scrambling to just get in the car. I was about to run around to my door as I told Elijah to buckle himself in, when he yelled in a panic, "I can't do it!!!" So, I instead ran over to his door to begin buckling him in, all the while getting completely soaked while I listen to him tell me, "it's okay mom, I'm safe and dry in the car!" Thank you for caring, sweetie. Now here's where he really doesn't care one ounce about his mom's level of dryness - As I pull the car out of the driveway, he asks me where his blanket is. I say it's inside the house. "Mommy, you HAVE to go get it. I NEED it!" Sorry, babe, you've gotta take one for the team on this one. He did alright and his sweet little sister shared a corner of her blanket with him for about two minutes. Then she giggled and took it away.

The rain really started coming down hard while we were driving. It was one of those where you can barely see and the streets flood in about two minutes. I was actually enjoying it quite a bit. But, I really didn't want to get out at the store with both kids, and all get soaked just to get some candy for Elijah and Gavin to take to a soccer game later. So, I called Gavin and told him he might need to pick it up on his way home from work because of this rain, however Elijah was not happy about this because he wanted to pick out his own candy in the store. I kept reassuring him, but he wasn't convinced. And all of a sudden from the back seat I hear a little voice pleading with Heaven, "Please God will you make the rain stop now?!" It was so desperate and so funny. But sure enough as we pulled into the drugstore parking lot, the rain stopped and we were able to go inside.

I'm not real sure what that kid just learned about the power of prayers, but I'm just wishing it was still raining!

43 Days and Counting

I don't know if you can make it out, but this is a picture of Emerson's feet. One foot is more clearly defined than the other. Anyway I love baby and kid feet pictures, so I love this sonogram.

She cannot get here fast enough. I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here on out, because like I told Gavin, I love having the kids, but I really hate being pregnant. I am so tired of it at this point since having four kids in five years. I still want more, just without the pregnancies, and more importantly, NOT NOW! We've always talked about adoption, so I'm sure we'll do that at some point, but that's another topic all-together and I'm sure I'll be pregnant again at some point - but like I said, I need some TIME for my tired self! (I'm sure many of you are thinking, "well, doesn't she know what causes all these babies and how she can stop them?" Well, yes we do and we have apparently had quite a bit of Divine intervention in this particular area). I actually really enjoy the challenges of parenting and being at home all day with the kids, but it's when you throw that pregnancy aspect into it that I get really beaten down at times. And I really don't like to complain, and I feel like I do a mostly good job of having a good attitude and being thankful that I get to be pregnant again. After all, I know plenty of other women that never get the joy of experiencing another life within them, and I also know what it's like to lose a child of my own. All this to say that I am extremely thankful for another little baby, but you better believe I'm counting down these days until she is out of my belly and into my arms!

I am also doubly excited about Emerson's arrival because she will be here the day before Thanksgiving! I'm having a c-section on November 26 bright and early in the morning. Actually, it will probably still be dark. Anyway, I'm excited about this because she is getting here just in time for us to fully enjoy her through all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas days. I have always enjoyed this time of year up until Eveyn died. We've had two years of holidays without her, and it has never been close to the same. I haven't been as interested in the "normal" holiday stuff nearly as much just because it doesn't seem as important, even with having Elijah and Ella here with us. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy the holidays together and have fun, there's just always that missing piece that you never forget. And this past Christmas was difficult because my grandma was very sick and in the hospital. It was the first Christmas in my life that I wasn't with Grandma to celebrate. She then passed away later in February. So this Thanksgiving and Christmas will have that additional missing piece. All this to say that I think Emerson is coming at just the right time. There is one saying about grief that I know to be untrue, and I think whoever said it must not have ever really experienced grief. But it says that "time heals all wounds." I don't think that time heals any wounds, but it does make them more bearable. And that's how I think of Emerson's arrival and timing. Even with the amount of joy she will bring, her coming into our lives doesn't heal any wounds, or make any sadness go away, but it does allow us to remember that no matter how deep our wound, life does still happen every day all around us and we are called to continue to take part in that.

I Have to Get Back on Track!

Man, I'm not doing so well at keeping up to date on this blog! A lot has been going on, so I'll do my best to do the updates without rambling too much.

In Elijah's world, his main concerns are watching each and every episode of the original Speed Racer cartoons which Gavin has been renting from Netflix, planning his 4th birthday party which he really wants to have at the skating rink, having sword fights with anyone and everyone, being the best super-hero he can be, going commando under his shorts, peeing outside (the other night at some friends' house, I looked out the back window to see Elijah standing in the middle of their yard completely naked while explaining his actions to the other boys), and becoming very open and honest in his curiosity and discussions of the human body.
This last interest has given me a lot of good laughs and some more serious discussions with him. An example of a good laugh: Elijah was shooting a foam dart gun, and ended up shooting Ella right in the front part of her diaper. He laughed and exclaimed, "I shot Ella in her penis!" After telling him that Ella actually didn't have a penis because she's a girl, he laughed again and said, "oh yeah, I forgot. I meant to say that I shot her in her anus!" Nice. I just don't like that word, not that it's a bad word, it just always sounds weird. I guess that's still my 7th grade immaturity in me! But it sounds extra weird coming from my 3 year old! Still funny, though.
We've also had some more serious discussions about pointing out obvious differences in other people. He seems to have an obsession with noticing peoples belly's and using the word fat. He doesn't even mean it in a cruel way, he just uses it in a very matter-of-fact way, just like pointing out someone who's really tall. But, the word fat isn't very well accepted by anyone, so we've had many talks about the right and wrong way to use that word - which is really confusing to him.

On to the world of Ella. She will be 16 months on Aug. 5, and she's getting ever closer to finally walking someday, I think! At least I hope so. Elijah didn't walk until he was 16 months old, so I'm not really concerned. She does signs with us really well, and she's very verbal, but she doesn't have too many discernible words yet. Her doctor said to give her until 18 months to see some improvement, so I'm hoping that will happen as well. But again, Elijah didn't really say much until around 18 months, so it doesn't worry me at this point.
Although she's not actually walking, Ella does have an awesome little knee-walk that she does most of the time now. Just like it sounds - she sits upright and walks on her knees. It's pretty cute, but she also kind of looks disabled, like she's an amputee or the bottom half of her legs just don't work.

And in new baby news, I'll be 21 weeks this week and we just found out on Monday that we are having another girl! Her name is Emerson Rae. The first name is obviously an "E" name that we just thought was unique and pretty, and the middle name is my grandmother's middle name. So, we are mostly excited about this! I only say mostly because Elijah is dealing with a little bit of disappointment about the baby being a girl! When I told him we weren't having a boy, he put his head down and started crying. Poor guy! I really felt bad for him! But I think he's getting over it by now. Another story will be Miss Ella and her reaction to Emerson when she gets here. I think we will have issues in our home!

Some Recent and Not-So-Recent Photos