Mommy

Every once in a while it occurs to me how awesome it is that I have a little person in my life that calls me "mommy." I think it's the most wonderful sound in the world to me. I love hearing "mommy up" first thing in the morning and "hi mommy" as we're going through our day and passing by eachother in the house. I just think it's so cool that I am able to be someone's mommy. It's got to be one of the best gifts I've been given in my life and I am forever thankful for it.

Praise You In This Storm

"Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us."


I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth





"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
My Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

Six Weeks

This past Thursday, Eveyn would have been six weeks old. I have found myself thinking about her constantly over the past couple of days, wondering what she would be doing and what she would look like at this point. I look at the pictures of Elijah when he was that age, and judging by how she looked when she was born, I can't help but think that she would look very similar to Elijah. Her thick black hair would probably be starting to fall out wherever she laid her head to sleep. She may even be sleeping through the night like Elijah was at this point. But then again, she may have been keeping me up all night long with collick. What I wouldn't give to hear her screaming all night.
I miss being able to hear those beautiful little breathy sounds when she tries to talk to me. And the drunk look on her face that comes with a full belly. But most of all I just wonder what she would look like with her eyes focused in on mine as she begins to make those first little smiles. I would love to see her toothless smile right now.
I've heard that the first year after a loved one dies is the hardest. To experience all of the holidays and special dates for the first time without that person is like experiencing their death all over again; and that really is how I've felt the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about what Eveyn would be doing through each hour of the day, how she would be interacting with Elijah, and how I would be juggling the two of them together. I guess eventhough it's only been six weeks, I'm surprised when it all of a sudden gets so hard not to have Eveyn here.
I can only rest in God's promises and divine knowledge and understanding for the life of my family. After all, it's not really my life or my family. It's his; and he has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it while I'm here on this earth.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... Plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

A First

Okay - this is a picture of the fire truck leaving our house this morning. I had to take a picture to commemorate our first call to 911 for Elijah. Before anyone gets concerned - he's fine.
But, he did lock himself in the house today as I was unloading groceries from the car. Normally, I leave my keys in my pocket "just in case," but today I didn't. They were inside along with my cell phone. Thankfully, my good friend Lizzie was only about 20 minutes from the house anyway, so I just waited for her to get there to use her phone. While I waited I tried to talk Elijah through instructions to unlock the door, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even now how he locked it in the first place, so my instructions were not helpful. But it was getting a little comical listening to him yell at me through the door as if I was the one that locked him in.
Finally Lizzie arrived and I first attempted to call Gavin at work for him to come home and unlock the door. After about 4 tries, I gave up and called my mom. She wasn't at home and was not able to come help me either. So, she told me to just call 911. So, I decided that was my best option since I didn't know how promptly a locksmith would get there.
When I called 911 the dispatcher told me that the firemen could take care of it, but they would have to use forced entry, which means I would then be paying for a busted door or window. At that information, my first thought was, "Gavin's going to kill me." So, as I hear the sirens start up (the fire station is only a couple of miles from the house) I made a last ditch effort to get into the house. Amazingly, I found our bedroom window unlocked. So, in my excitement I hurridly threw the screen off, pushed open the window, and pushed away the oversized chair that was sitting in front of the window as if it weighed no more than a throw pillow. I wasn't expecting to see Elijah standing in my dark room watching me and he wasn't expecting to see his mom crawling through the window, so we scared each other to death. We looked at each other with the same surprised expression while he said, "mommy?" and I said, "Elijah!" I still don't know if he was more relieved to see me or just confused as to why I locked him inside only to come get him 30 minutes later through my bedroom window.
So, no broken doors or windows, and better yet, no injured toddlers!
And, the very friendly firemen came out anyway just to double check and make sure we were all okay.
Hey, at least he was locked inside his own nice, cool house and not the car! See Gavin, it could always be worse!

Cutest Kid in the World

I know, I know... everyone thinks their kid is the cutest. But look at this picture! This was taken in Ft. Worth when Gavin and I took Elijah to see the cattle drive and walk the cattle pin maze. It was the first time we were really able to enjoy a family day with each other after Eveyn was born. It was a great get-away day for us!

Car Wash

Elijah and I went to wash my car today. He was excited to go and "wash mommy's car," but when we pulled up to the station, he got worried and started saying, "all done." We go to a drive-thru wash by our house that you don't get out of the car for, and he's never been too sure about all of the noise of the wash. As I was putting the money in to the automated woman on the touch screen, Elijah started to become more and more concerned. And I started to reassure him more and more. As we pulled up to the opening of the car wash, I looked back at him to tell him it was going to be okay and he looked at me, reached out his hand and said, "hand mommy." So I reached back and held his hand the whole way through the car wash until he bravely let go of me as we exited the other side.
The majority of my days are filled with thoughts that Elijah is growing up too fast and becoming old enough to where he doesn't need me as much as he used to. So I was thankful today for those three minutes that he desperately needed me in order to make it through the car wash.

Name Change

I've decided to change the name of my blog because although we lost Eveyn, it just doesn't feel right for the blog name to remain all about Elijah. While Eveyn is not physically with us every day the way Elijah is, she is just as much a part of our family and our home as he is. I plan on writing about her and her influence on our family from time to time, so I needed the blog to reflect that in the name. So, welcome to Casa de Pate. Mi casa es su casa!

Eveyn Elizabeth Pate
April 27, 2006
5:14 am
7 lbs., 4 oz.
I wanted to post a picture of Eveyn for others to see. None of the pictures I have do justice to her beautiful and unique characteristics. We will love her and miss her as long as we're here on this earth.