43 Days and Counting

I don't know if you can make it out, but this is a picture of Emerson's feet. One foot is more clearly defined than the other. Anyway I love baby and kid feet pictures, so I love this sonogram.

She cannot get here fast enough. I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here on out, because like I told Gavin, I love having the kids, but I really hate being pregnant. I am so tired of it at this point since having four kids in five years. I still want more, just without the pregnancies, and more importantly, NOT NOW! We've always talked about adoption, so I'm sure we'll do that at some point, but that's another topic all-together and I'm sure I'll be pregnant again at some point - but like I said, I need some TIME for my tired self! (I'm sure many of you are thinking, "well, doesn't she know what causes all these babies and how she can stop them?" Well, yes we do and we have apparently had quite a bit of Divine intervention in this particular area). I actually really enjoy the challenges of parenting and being at home all day with the kids, but it's when you throw that pregnancy aspect into it that I get really beaten down at times. And I really don't like to complain, and I feel like I do a mostly good job of having a good attitude and being thankful that I get to be pregnant again. After all, I know plenty of other women that never get the joy of experiencing another life within them, and I also know what it's like to lose a child of my own. All this to say that I am extremely thankful for another little baby, but you better believe I'm counting down these days until she is out of my belly and into my arms!

I am also doubly excited about Emerson's arrival because she will be here the day before Thanksgiving! I'm having a c-section on November 26 bright and early in the morning. Actually, it will probably still be dark. Anyway, I'm excited about this because she is getting here just in time for us to fully enjoy her through all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas days. I have always enjoyed this time of year up until Eveyn died. We've had two years of holidays without her, and it has never been close to the same. I haven't been as interested in the "normal" holiday stuff nearly as much just because it doesn't seem as important, even with having Elijah and Ella here with us. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy the holidays together and have fun, there's just always that missing piece that you never forget. And this past Christmas was difficult because my grandma was very sick and in the hospital. It was the first Christmas in my life that I wasn't with Grandma to celebrate. She then passed away later in February. So this Thanksgiving and Christmas will have that additional missing piece. All this to say that I think Emerson is coming at just the right time. There is one saying about grief that I know to be untrue, and I think whoever said it must not have ever really experienced grief. But it says that "time heals all wounds." I don't think that time heals any wounds, but it does make them more bearable. And that's how I think of Emerson's arrival and timing. Even with the amount of joy she will bring, her coming into our lives doesn't heal any wounds, or make any sadness go away, but it does allow us to remember that no matter how deep our wound, life does still happen every day all around us and we are called to continue to take part in that.