Mavs #1 Fan!

Check him out! This headband is the latest addition in Elijah's Mavs wardrobe. It came in the mail two days ago since joining the Mavs Kids Club, and he has been wearing it ever since. And the shirt and shorts he has on, he's been wearing every day since Feb. 20 (it's been washed since then). The only day he hasn't worn it was yesterday when we went to church. It is an outfit that my mom brought back for him from Las Vegas - she happened to be there during the All-Star game and got him All-Star shorts and a jersey. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's the best thing that's happened in his life so far.

IPod

I couldn't remember if I had posted this before, but I came across the picture and I wanted to put it on here. Elijah loves playing with q-tips and floss from our bathroom. The floss, he actually uses to floss his teeth, but the q-tips are used to make an ipod. He always sticks the q-tips in his ears and says he's listening to daddy's ipod. And then he proceeds to dance and bang on his drums. I hope he never gives up on his drum playing - I love it!

Eli Kisses

This is the face I get to see several times a day. How could you ever resist those lips? Today he was extra sweet with me, snuggling up with me while we had lunch with a friend and saying, "I love you mommy". At one point he leaned over to me with these lips you see here and said, "kiss me, mommy." Another one of my favorites that I actually hear several times a day is, "I want to be with you, mommy." I can't complain - he just melts your heart.

Actually...

Elijah's two new phrases that he uses crack me up. He says, actually and by the way. The crazy thing is that he uses them correctly in his sentences. For instance, he may say, "actually, mommy, I want juice, not milk." Or the other day he told me, "by the way, mommy, Nemo was on tv today." He never stops amazing me with his vocabulary and sentence structure. I think he may have better grammar than I do.

SNOW!!

Amazingly, we have been hit with some winter weather. Gavin got to stay home from work so we had some fun play time in the snow. We made a teeny-tiny snowman that Elijah thought was awesome, but I think his favorite part of the snow was eating it. He was kind of like a little cow just grazing through the back yard trying the snow from each area. It was very exciting, and we were happy to have daddy home to share it with us.

Eveyn and Ella

Just writing the title of this post gives me very bitter-sweet feelings. I've never put our two daughters together like that, or really thought of them as sisters together. It's so overwhelming to think of - if we had Eveyn here with us, would we have Ella now? Or is Ella purely the result of us losing Eveyn? Would they have ever been sisters here on this earth in God's plan? It's unbelieveable how many questions go through my mind on a daily basis. I never stop thinking about all of my children and their relationship to one another and to Gavin and me. It's amazing and a wonder to think about.
During this past week, we have gotten down all of Eveyn's things from the attic that she never got to use - bedding, clothes, carseat, toys, etc. We are beginning to prepare now for Ella's arrival in early April. I am now re-washing all of the clothes that were meant for Eveyn, but now her little sister will use. And we are now re-teaching Elijah what it's going to mean to have a little sister in his house.
I thought I would be more sad than I have been as I go through this whole process, but it's more of a feeling of awe and wonder. I can't really describe it very well. But I have realized what a gift Eveyn has been to her sister Ella. She has provided Ella with so many things - beyond the clothes and toys. Because of what we've experienced as a family in the last nine months since losing our daughter and sister, Ella will be so much more enriched by it. As a family, we have experienced so much love, grace and peace from God that we never would have been able to come in contact with on the same level as we have now. I know that we have such an unquenchable appreciation and desire for our relationship with God and the people in our lives that we didn't have before. And now we will be able to share this with Ella. All because of Eveyn and our life experience with her. She is an incredibly special little girl, and I am so thankful to have her influence in our lives.

I'm Back

I know I have received many comments from people stating that I haven't put anything on my blog in sooooo long. I realize this - thank you for telling me. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's been tough for me to write when so many things are on my mind at once. I am completely enthralled by Elijah and all of the new things he does and funny things he says, and I would love to be able to share every single one of them with everyone. I am also still very much in the process of sorting through all of the multitude of feelings and emotions of not having Eveyn here with us, while also anticipating the birth of Ella in just a couple of short months. So, my mind has been a little jammed up, which makes is difficult for me to convey any of my thoughts to anyone other than God. Thankfully, he understands me even when I don't quite understand myself.
However, now that I am through the Thanksgiving/Christmas season - which proved to be much harder than I anticipated - I am moving toward a more peaceful state of mind and heart. (It has been a long couple of months). My emotions aren't rumbling up quite so much and my head is much clearer now that the rediculousness of the holidays are over.
All this to say, I plan on writing much more entries much more frequently now that I have had some time off.

700 Q-Tip Pick-Up

Has anyone ever gotten to play this game? If not, you are missing out. If you are unfamiliar with it, let me tell you about it.
The best time for this game to take place is when you are unable to really get to your toddler - say for instance you decide you HAVE to take a shower today, so you lock both yourself and your toddler in your bedroom while you take a 5 minute shower. Of course, you could get to him in a real emergency, but 700 Q-Tip Pick-up isn't an emergency - even if it is extremely annoying. So, basically while you are attempting to wash your hair and your body fast enough to prevent any other fun toddler games from happening, you realize that your very excited two year old is frantically shaking a massive Costco-size box of Q-tips all over the bathroom. Once he has completed this task, he then begins to clean out his ears with every Q-tip he can get his hands on - because he hears you making annoying empty threats from within the shower, and he knows his freedom will soon come to an end. So, the game continues even after I emerge from the shower because I am really not interested in squatting down to help him while I am unclothed and dripping with water. And now he realizes he's getting an extra three minutes of freedom, so he begins wildly running through the Q-tips to spread them out even more all over my filthy bathroom floor - which is another issue altogether.
Once I'm finally dressed, he's already had so much Q-tip fun, that it's almost impossible to really gain control of this situation - he's just so excited about his masterpiece that he's created. Because of this, it takes about half an hour to clean them all up, which he amazingly makes into another frustrating game of throwing handfuls of Q-tips into about a 3-inch opening in the box, or picking them up one by one and putting them away in slow motion. Is this kid already mocking me??
So, after way too many motherly cliche's that I thought I'd never hear myself saying, and a couple of time-outs, we both went on with our day happy that he had such a fun time with the Q-tips.

Too Many Memories?

I don't know about the rest of you parents out there, but I definitely love to capture my memories of my family on film. Whether it's pictures or video, I feel like if I don't get it on some type of film, it will probably be forgotten. Especially now with all of the editing you can do and deleting of pictures from your camera, there's no such thing as a "wasted picture" anymore. However, Gavin stays a little annoyed at me because of this.
Take for instance the picture above. I took this when Gavin and Elijah were playing a game called "camp-out" where they pretend the blanket is their tent, and they listen for animal noises. But Gavin claims that my picture taking interrupts the actual "memory" that I'm trying to capture because when Eli sees me get up and come back with a camera, he usually stops what he's doing and just wants to see the camera. But after much encouragement and hiding of the camera, I was able to convince him to go back to his camp-out with daddy. So, I can understand Gavin's point of view - I tend to mess up a lot of their time together for the sake of a Kodak moment. But, I really want those pictures because I have such a bad memory I know I'll forget all of this day-to-day stuff that goes on. And if I didn't get the camera, we wouldn't have this really cute picture of the two of them playing - is this selfish of me?
Besides, it's not all my fault either. I can't really help it that Elijah keeps his mommy radar on at all times. No matter where I am in the house, he will locate me within five seconds if he feels it is necessary. And he can sense it when I leave the room even if he can't see me because he's sitting under a blanket. It can be kind of creepy sometimes.
I think my solution is going to be to just keep taking pictures and keep filming - hopefully Elijah will just get so used to it that he won't care anymore and he'll just ignore me.
And then I'll have to figure out what to do about the fact that he ignores me.

Mommy

Every once in a while it occurs to me how awesome it is that I have a little person in my life that calls me "mommy." I think it's the most wonderful sound in the world to me. I love hearing "mommy up" first thing in the morning and "hi mommy" as we're going through our day and passing by eachother in the house. I just think it's so cool that I am able to be someone's mommy. It's got to be one of the best gifts I've been given in my life and I am forever thankful for it.

Praise You In This Storm

"Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us."


I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth





"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
My Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

Six Weeks

This past Thursday, Eveyn would have been six weeks old. I have found myself thinking about her constantly over the past couple of days, wondering what she would be doing and what she would look like at this point. I look at the pictures of Elijah when he was that age, and judging by how she looked when she was born, I can't help but think that she would look very similar to Elijah. Her thick black hair would probably be starting to fall out wherever she laid her head to sleep. She may even be sleeping through the night like Elijah was at this point. But then again, she may have been keeping me up all night long with collick. What I wouldn't give to hear her screaming all night.
I miss being able to hear those beautiful little breathy sounds when she tries to talk to me. And the drunk look on her face that comes with a full belly. But most of all I just wonder what she would look like with her eyes focused in on mine as she begins to make those first little smiles. I would love to see her toothless smile right now.
I've heard that the first year after a loved one dies is the hardest. To experience all of the holidays and special dates for the first time without that person is like experiencing their death all over again; and that really is how I've felt the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about what Eveyn would be doing through each hour of the day, how she would be interacting with Elijah, and how I would be juggling the two of them together. I guess eventhough it's only been six weeks, I'm surprised when it all of a sudden gets so hard not to have Eveyn here.
I can only rest in God's promises and divine knowledge and understanding for the life of my family. After all, it's not really my life or my family. It's his; and he has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it while I'm here on this earth.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... Plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

A First

Okay - this is a picture of the fire truck leaving our house this morning. I had to take a picture to commemorate our first call to 911 for Elijah. Before anyone gets concerned - he's fine.
But, he did lock himself in the house today as I was unloading groceries from the car. Normally, I leave my keys in my pocket "just in case," but today I didn't. They were inside along with my cell phone. Thankfully, my good friend Lizzie was only about 20 minutes from the house anyway, so I just waited for her to get there to use her phone. While I waited I tried to talk Elijah through instructions to unlock the door, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even now how he locked it in the first place, so my instructions were not helpful. But it was getting a little comical listening to him yell at me through the door as if I was the one that locked him in.
Finally Lizzie arrived and I first attempted to call Gavin at work for him to come home and unlock the door. After about 4 tries, I gave up and called my mom. She wasn't at home and was not able to come help me either. So, she told me to just call 911. So, I decided that was my best option since I didn't know how promptly a locksmith would get there.
When I called 911 the dispatcher told me that the firemen could take care of it, but they would have to use forced entry, which means I would then be paying for a busted door or window. At that information, my first thought was, "Gavin's going to kill me." So, as I hear the sirens start up (the fire station is only a couple of miles from the house) I made a last ditch effort to get into the house. Amazingly, I found our bedroom window unlocked. So, in my excitement I hurridly threw the screen off, pushed open the window, and pushed away the oversized chair that was sitting in front of the window as if it weighed no more than a throw pillow. I wasn't expecting to see Elijah standing in my dark room watching me and he wasn't expecting to see his mom crawling through the window, so we scared each other to death. We looked at each other with the same surprised expression while he said, "mommy?" and I said, "Elijah!" I still don't know if he was more relieved to see me or just confused as to why I locked him inside only to come get him 30 minutes later through my bedroom window.
So, no broken doors or windows, and better yet, no injured toddlers!
And, the very friendly firemen came out anyway just to double check and make sure we were all okay.
Hey, at least he was locked inside his own nice, cool house and not the car! See Gavin, it could always be worse!

Cutest Kid in the World

I know, I know... everyone thinks their kid is the cutest. But look at this picture! This was taken in Ft. Worth when Gavin and I took Elijah to see the cattle drive and walk the cattle pin maze. It was the first time we were really able to enjoy a family day with each other after Eveyn was born. It was a great get-away day for us!

Car Wash

Elijah and I went to wash my car today. He was excited to go and "wash mommy's car," but when we pulled up to the station, he got worried and started saying, "all done." We go to a drive-thru wash by our house that you don't get out of the car for, and he's never been too sure about all of the noise of the wash. As I was putting the money in to the automated woman on the touch screen, Elijah started to become more and more concerned. And I started to reassure him more and more. As we pulled up to the opening of the car wash, I looked back at him to tell him it was going to be okay and he looked at me, reached out his hand and said, "hand mommy." So I reached back and held his hand the whole way through the car wash until he bravely let go of me as we exited the other side.
The majority of my days are filled with thoughts that Elijah is growing up too fast and becoming old enough to where he doesn't need me as much as he used to. So I was thankful today for those three minutes that he desperately needed me in order to make it through the car wash.

Name Change

I've decided to change the name of my blog because although we lost Eveyn, it just doesn't feel right for the blog name to remain all about Elijah. While Eveyn is not physically with us every day the way Elijah is, she is just as much a part of our family and our home as he is. I plan on writing about her and her influence on our family from time to time, so I needed the blog to reflect that in the name. So, welcome to Casa de Pate. Mi casa es su casa!

Eveyn Elizabeth Pate
April 27, 2006
5:14 am
7 lbs., 4 oz.
I wanted to post a picture of Eveyn for others to see. None of the pictures I have do justice to her beautiful and unique characteristics. We will love her and miss her as long as we're here on this earth.

Happy Easter

Butter Head

Toddlers do some weird things. One morning over breakfast, Elijah decided it would be a good idea to rub his buttered toast all over his hair. I'm still not sure why, and he's never done it again. He must have decided that the greasy look isn't a good one, which I'm thankful for.
Another strange behavior that he's decided he really likes to do is to very carefully drop down on the floor in mid-stride to lay down. He just rolls on his back and watches the world go by for a few minutes. He might roll over to get a different angle, but he generally just kind of hangs out for a few minutes. It's actually pretty entertaining to watch, because a lot of the time he looks like he's in deep thought about something. So, unless he's in a spot where it just doesn't work to stop and lay down, I generally let him do his thing. I think he must need the break, or need to ponder something pretty important.
I never really knew how entertaining it would be to watch your child grow up. I know it's not always fun (like when he threw a fit and screamed at the top of his lungs in the store today because he wanted more Cheerios, which makes you feel like everyone is looking at you like you need to get your child in control), but I hope I never lose sight of the humor and joy in my kids at any point.

This was actually back in February on a day that was freezing, and sleeting as we sat and watched Eli play b-ball. This outing didn't last too long.