Wow, it feels good to be writing again after four months of NOTHING. So, here's what I know about myself. I am a perfectionist. Not a perfectionist in the sense that I look like I have it all together, and I never stop working - that would be my dear husband. My style of perfectionism is debilitating. I allow many things to be left undone because I am fearful that they won't be done exactly how I want them to be. Thus, no blogging for four months at a time. But fear not - I am working on this and plan on contributing to my blog much more often than I have been.
So, what's been going on in the last four months? Really the last nine months since I haven't truly posted anything of significance since Emerson was born. Oh my - I've just realized I have fulfilled a stereotype of the third child. Isn't that the child that's always left behind and forgotten? Now I've let her entire first nine months of life go by without any updates, stories, or pictures on here. I must get better at this.
Back to the update - what's been going on with us? A lot. The last shall be first, right? So I'll start with little Emie Ray (which she is so affectionately referred to as by everyone in our house). So hard to believe she is nine months old! I am really enjoying seeing her own personality start to come out. She absolutely adores Elijah and Ella, and they are pretty smitten with her as well. Emerson usually spends the day chasing them around the house and playing with whatever they are playing with. I honestly don't remember the last time she played with any of her own baby toys. Which reminds me, I need to put them away somewhere instead of junking up my living room for no reason.
She hasn't made it to her 9 month check-up yet, but I'm very curious to see how she's weighing and measuring. I'm pretty sure she weighs about the same as Ella now who is 2 1/2. To set anyone's mind at ease, Emerson is not as big as a 2 year old, I just have a very skinny and petite little girl in Ella.
So, on to little Ella Bella. Wow, she is a two year old in every way. She is silly, happy and wants to do everything her way and in her own time. And she is so sweet and generous. It is also very obvious to many that she is just like her mom. I like this because it makes it very easy for me to relate with her and I feel like we've got a special bond through that. But, there's definitely a part of me that isn't so thrilled about it because I know what a tough road it can be at times with some of those traits.
I'm pretty sure that the last time I wrote anything about Ella she wasn't walking or talking yet. Once again, she did things on her own time. She started walking at 18 months. LATE, I know! She was 2 before she started saying much more than a handful of words, but now she is speaking full sentences non-stop, all day long. She still has some things that can only be understood by me, but for the most part she is understandable. Which brings up another aspect of her personality. I remember Elijah would try to tell me something one or two times and if I didn't get it, he'd just move on and forget about it. Ella is persistent. And loud. She will say something over, and over, and over and get louder with each attempt as if you can't hear her. It cracks me up because she absolutely will not give up until you get what she's saying.
And last but not least, Elijah. Elijah's only terms of endearment these days are Eli, dude, bud and babe. He's not real into being called by any other nickname like the girls. The best way I can sum up Elijah is that he is just like his dad. He is really into telling jokes and hearing jokes, but the poor kid tries way to hard to understand the entire situation surrounding the joke that has no relevance what-so-ever. Like, why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off.
Elijah: "so where was the chicken?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe at home resting."
Elijah: well, where does the chicken work and why was he taking the day off?
Me: I don't know. that's not the point of the joke.
Elijah: well, it would be funnier if it went like this. why did the elephant cross the road? because the chicken had been working a lot and he was really tired from crossing the road all the time, so he asked the elephant if he could cross the road that day, and the elephant told the chicken, you can take the day off and go play at home!
So, we are working with Mr. Analytical, Jr. on how to tell jokes. He is also FIVE now! And he eats like he's 25. We're going to have to start taking it easy on the food and keep that in check. Like he said today after asking if he could eat Ella's cheeseburger after already finishing his, "This is kind of like junk food, and if I eat too much food like this, I'll end up like a Sumo Wrestler wearing one of those diapers they wear." Still not sure if he's got that whole cause and effect relationship quite right since it sounds like he may be equating over-eating with Sumo wrestler loin cloths?? Not sure.
We will also be starting his school with him next week. He is excited about it. I will post pictures and more info once we actually get started on it.
Also, in the last four months Gavin has completed a very taxing summer of Greek I, II, and III that we are ALL thankful that he is done with!! He has also started a job as the ministry assistant at our church, in the last week lost that same job due to finance issues with the church, and gained a new, more stable position at another ministry. A lot has gone on and continues to come about in those situations, but we continue to be thankful and in awe of God's providence and protection over us. Gavin will start his new position October 1 and is starting the fall semester at school this week. Done with Greek, now on to Hebrew. Fun times.

So, here I am. Still alive, just very busy and with a major writing block. I'm not sure why I feel I have little to write about with all of the material that I get from the kids each day, but somehow I have let 5 months pass since my last post. And even that wasn't a real post - just pictures. So, I know all five of you who actually read this are super excited to be reading about my life again (blogs are so self-righteous aren't they?!), but beware of the following content. If you don't have a dark or inappropriate sense of humor at times, you may be offended by parts of the story below. Just fyi...

Today we decided to celebrate Eveyn's birthday a day early. She would be 3 years old tomorrow. However, tomorrow is Monday and I wanted to be able to go out to the cemetery with all of us together and knew that would be much easier on the weekend rather than during the week. So, after church we grabbed a quick lunch at Jack in the Box and then headed out to the cemetery where Eveyn is buried. Well, it was supposed to be a quick lunch, but since Elijah has to either tell a story or demonstrate something after every few bites, it was not as quick as I had hoped. But that's beside the point.

Ella of course had no idea what we were going to do, but Elijah did and he was excited about it. He talks about Eveyn all the time and tells me how much he misses her and wishes she was still here with us. I have written about this before, but I just love the things he says about her and the way he sincerely misses having his other sister with him. Now, he hasn't been out to the cemetery in a very long time, so like I said he was pretty excited. On the way there he started talking to Emerson and telling her what we were going to do (Ella was asleep at this point). He told Emerson in his happy little sing-song Elijah voice/baby talk voice, "we're going to visit Eveyn's graveyard! That's your sister, but you can't see her because she died! But we're going to her graveyard! Isn't that fun?!"

Once we arrived at the cemetery and before we got out of the car, I told Elijah that he couldn't run around and act crazy because he needed to be respectful of other people that were visiting people they loved also. He did well with this most of the time, but he was pretty happy since we were having cupcakes. As I was trying to secure a wreath that I had bought, Elijah took a break from asking when we were going to eat the cupcakes to ask a more important question. "When are we going to dig up Eveyn?" I'll just write out the rest of the conversation:

Me: "Dude, we aren't going to dig up Eveyn."
Eli: "Why not?"
Me: "Well, remember how we've talked about what happens to our bodies once we die?"
Eli: "Yeah, they decave."
Me: "Right, they decay. And Eveyn's spirit, her true self, is with Jesus in heaven. Eveyn's body is not alive anymore, so you wouldn't want it here with us now."
Eli: "Yeah, I know that mom. But we could dig up all her bones."
Me: "Why would you want to do that?"
Eli: "Well, I could give them to my dog someday."

And at this point, you just can't help but laugh. A lot. And Elijah doesn't get the joke, but he really likes that he has somehow said something funny. And sorry Pop, but he went on to tell the same "joke" about feeding Pop's bones to his dog someday too.
Once the totally inappropriate joking was over, we sat on the grass, enjoyed cupcakes together and talked about what we thought Eveyn would be like if she was still with us. Elijah became more serious and real quietly said, "yeah, I think she'd be pretty cute right now." It's hard to imagine what she would be like as a three year old, but I agree with Elijah that she'd be pretty cute.
Happy Birthday Eveyn

More pictures of Emerson

Pop, Uncle Steven, Elijah showing Emerson the bear he made for her at Build A Bear



Ella and Elijah taking a good look at Emerson for the first time with Gavin



Elijah and Ella watching Emerson get checked out and have a bath in the nursery




Nana and Emerson


Pretty blue eyes

Emerson Rae

Here are pics of baby Emerson!
















She was not happy to come out of her warm, dark home! She started screaming before she was even all the way out! She has adjusted well now and has become very fond of cuddling - see the picture of her zipped up in Gavin's jacket.
Will post more pictures when we are home. Should be going home Saturday morning.

A Day to Be Thankful

We are so happy to announce that Emerson Rae Pate has arrived!! She was born yesterday, November 26 at 8:18am. She's 8.5 pounds and 19 inches with a lot of cute, chubby rolls on her legs and arms. Of course, we think she is pretty dang cute! I wish I had a picture to share right now, but we're obviously still in the hospital and I forgot to bring my usb cable to hook up my camera to the computer. We should be going home on Saturday and I can post some pictures then.
I am recovering well after a couple of small complications during my c-section. I am thankful that that part is over and we have our new little girl!
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for the health and safety of both Emerson and me - we are very thankful!
I can't think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving!

Halloween

This is the Hulk and a ballerina, in case you can't tell. I never got a very good picture of either kid, or one of them together. But it's fitting since Halloween was pretty lame this year anyway. We tried to find a good church carnival or something to go to, but it didn't really work out. We did more driving than trick or treating, but lesson learned, I guess.

Wonderful Reminder

Not that I need any reminding since Eveyn is on my mind and my heart every day, but Elijah continues to be such a blessing in this realm of our life. He brings up Eveyn in the funniest ways sometimes and at other times in ways that are so gentle and sweet.

Last night I was folding laundry, some of which included baby blankets in preparation for Emerson's arrival. One of the blankets had some gross looking stains on it, so I asked Elijah to go throw it in the trash for me. He reluctantly did so, and then came back to me crying. I asked him what he was upset about and he told me that blanket was his favorite one and he didn't want it in the trash. I was thinking this was silly because it's been stored away forever and he was just overreacting because he doesn't like to get rid of anything. But then he got even more upset and told me that this particular blanket reminded him of Eveyn and it made him sad to put it in the trash. Well, obviously at this point the discussion was over and the blanket was immediately taken out of the trash and re-washed. How can I argue with that?

Even so, I was still doubting the legitimacy of his story a little since he hadn't seen the blanket in years. However, later that night at bedtime, he insisted on not only sleeping with the blanket, but placing it under his head and cuddling with it. So I guess for some reason, something about that blanket reminds him of his sister Eveyn that he still remembers and still misses quite a bit.

I am continually thankful for moments like these.

Elijah's Rain Issues

These pictures have nothing to do with his rain issues, but I don't post without pictures! So these are just various activities of Elijah.

Anyway, we got some great rain today! It's been so overcast for the last two days and today it rained. I thought it would be a great thing, but the afternoon was filled with problems for Elijah.
This morning I was cleaning out all of their clothes that don't fit, one of which was a Mavericks warm-up suit that is a size 3T. Elijah pretty much wears a 5 now, so I was definitely putting that in the discard pile. But of course when Elijah saw it, he wasn't going to let that happen and had to put it on right then. So I let him thinking he would see how short the pants were and have a meltdown and then agree that they didn't work anymore. Of course Elijah's comment was, "they're a bit short, but they work great!" Yeah, whatever. I don't really care to argue at this point after he's gone through all this work to put his basketball shorts on, his Dirk jersey, the entire warm-up suite, his socks and his shoes, and he's even got the jacket zipped all the way up to his neck just like Dirk does, and then with a big smile he stands back and says, "How great do I look, mom?!"

So later we're outside where it has been sprinkling off and on for the last several hours and I'm thinking he's going to play basketball with the warm-up suite on since he has all day and since it's pretty wet outside. But in fact, he now announces to me that he needs help taking it off so that he can play. The real players don't play in their warm-ups. Of course, they don't. But the real players actually have warm-ups that are baggy enough to fit over their shoes, and don't pull down their shorts and underwear when they're trying to take them off. And yes, I am complaining about this to Elijah as I'm trying to pry the ankle of the pants over his shoes, while bending over and coming close to fainting because the weight of Emerson being upside down is somehow cutting off my airway. And Elijah says, "oh mom, it's easy." Alright bucko, you sit down and take them off yourself. Yeah, not as easy as he thought. And then to top it off, about five minutes into playing without his warm-ups on, he starts complaining about getting wet. The warm-up suite is NOT going back on.

Once that fiasco is over and he's done playing, it was time to hop in the car and run around to the drugstore to get a couple of things. And amazingly, it started pouring down rain right as I was starting to put Ella in the car. So I quickly got her buckled in while Elijah was scrambling to just get in the car. I was about to run around to my door as I told Elijah to buckle himself in, when he yelled in a panic, "I can't do it!!!" So, I instead ran over to his door to begin buckling him in, all the while getting completely soaked while I listen to him tell me, "it's okay mom, I'm safe and dry in the car!" Thank you for caring, sweetie. Now here's where he really doesn't care one ounce about his mom's level of dryness - As I pull the car out of the driveway, he asks me where his blanket is. I say it's inside the house. "Mommy, you HAVE to go get it. I NEED it!" Sorry, babe, you've gotta take one for the team on this one. He did alright and his sweet little sister shared a corner of her blanket with him for about two minutes. Then she giggled and took it away.

The rain really started coming down hard while we were driving. It was one of those where you can barely see and the streets flood in about two minutes. I was actually enjoying it quite a bit. But, I really didn't want to get out at the store with both kids, and all get soaked just to get some candy for Elijah and Gavin to take to a soccer game later. So, I called Gavin and told him he might need to pick it up on his way home from work because of this rain, however Elijah was not happy about this because he wanted to pick out his own candy in the store. I kept reassuring him, but he wasn't convinced. And all of a sudden from the back seat I hear a little voice pleading with Heaven, "Please God will you make the rain stop now?!" It was so desperate and so funny. But sure enough as we pulled into the drugstore parking lot, the rain stopped and we were able to go inside.

I'm not real sure what that kid just learned about the power of prayers, but I'm just wishing it was still raining!

43 Days and Counting

I don't know if you can make it out, but this is a picture of Emerson's feet. One foot is more clearly defined than the other. Anyway I love baby and kid feet pictures, so I love this sonogram.

She cannot get here fast enough. I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here on out, because like I told Gavin, I love having the kids, but I really hate being pregnant. I am so tired of it at this point since having four kids in five years. I still want more, just without the pregnancies, and more importantly, NOT NOW! We've always talked about adoption, so I'm sure we'll do that at some point, but that's another topic all-together and I'm sure I'll be pregnant again at some point - but like I said, I need some TIME for my tired self! (I'm sure many of you are thinking, "well, doesn't she know what causes all these babies and how she can stop them?" Well, yes we do and we have apparently had quite a bit of Divine intervention in this particular area). I actually really enjoy the challenges of parenting and being at home all day with the kids, but it's when you throw that pregnancy aspect into it that I get really beaten down at times. And I really don't like to complain, and I feel like I do a mostly good job of having a good attitude and being thankful that I get to be pregnant again. After all, I know plenty of other women that never get the joy of experiencing another life within them, and I also know what it's like to lose a child of my own. All this to say that I am extremely thankful for another little baby, but you better believe I'm counting down these days until she is out of my belly and into my arms!

I am also doubly excited about Emerson's arrival because she will be here the day before Thanksgiving! I'm having a c-section on November 26 bright and early in the morning. Actually, it will probably still be dark. Anyway, I'm excited about this because she is getting here just in time for us to fully enjoy her through all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas days. I have always enjoyed this time of year up until Eveyn died. We've had two years of holidays without her, and it has never been close to the same. I haven't been as interested in the "normal" holiday stuff nearly as much just because it doesn't seem as important, even with having Elijah and Ella here with us. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy the holidays together and have fun, there's just always that missing piece that you never forget. And this past Christmas was difficult because my grandma was very sick and in the hospital. It was the first Christmas in my life that I wasn't with Grandma to celebrate. She then passed away later in February. So this Thanksgiving and Christmas will have that additional missing piece. All this to say that I think Emerson is coming at just the right time. There is one saying about grief that I know to be untrue, and I think whoever said it must not have ever really experienced grief. But it says that "time heals all wounds." I don't think that time heals any wounds, but it does make them more bearable. And that's how I think of Emerson's arrival and timing. Even with the amount of joy she will bring, her coming into our lives doesn't heal any wounds, or make any sadness go away, but it does allow us to remember that no matter how deep our wound, life does still happen every day all around us and we are called to continue to take part in that.

I Have to Get Back on Track!

Man, I'm not doing so well at keeping up to date on this blog! A lot has been going on, so I'll do my best to do the updates without rambling too much.

In Elijah's world, his main concerns are watching each and every episode of the original Speed Racer cartoons which Gavin has been renting from Netflix, planning his 4th birthday party which he really wants to have at the skating rink, having sword fights with anyone and everyone, being the best super-hero he can be, going commando under his shorts, peeing outside (the other night at some friends' house, I looked out the back window to see Elijah standing in the middle of their yard completely naked while explaining his actions to the other boys), and becoming very open and honest in his curiosity and discussions of the human body.
This last interest has given me a lot of good laughs and some more serious discussions with him. An example of a good laugh: Elijah was shooting a foam dart gun, and ended up shooting Ella right in the front part of her diaper. He laughed and exclaimed, "I shot Ella in her penis!" After telling him that Ella actually didn't have a penis because she's a girl, he laughed again and said, "oh yeah, I forgot. I meant to say that I shot her in her anus!" Nice. I just don't like that word, not that it's a bad word, it just always sounds weird. I guess that's still my 7th grade immaturity in me! But it sounds extra weird coming from my 3 year old! Still funny, though.
We've also had some more serious discussions about pointing out obvious differences in other people. He seems to have an obsession with noticing peoples belly's and using the word fat. He doesn't even mean it in a cruel way, he just uses it in a very matter-of-fact way, just like pointing out someone who's really tall. But, the word fat isn't very well accepted by anyone, so we've had many talks about the right and wrong way to use that word - which is really confusing to him.

On to the world of Ella. She will be 16 months on Aug. 5, and she's getting ever closer to finally walking someday, I think! At least I hope so. Elijah didn't walk until he was 16 months old, so I'm not really concerned. She does signs with us really well, and she's very verbal, but she doesn't have too many discernible words yet. Her doctor said to give her until 18 months to see some improvement, so I'm hoping that will happen as well. But again, Elijah didn't really say much until around 18 months, so it doesn't worry me at this point.
Although she's not actually walking, Ella does have an awesome little knee-walk that she does most of the time now. Just like it sounds - she sits upright and walks on her knees. It's pretty cute, but she also kind of looks disabled, like she's an amputee or the bottom half of her legs just don't work.

And in new baby news, I'll be 21 weeks this week and we just found out on Monday that we are having another girl! Her name is Emerson Rae. The first name is obviously an "E" name that we just thought was unique and pretty, and the middle name is my grandmother's middle name. So, we are mostly excited about this! I only say mostly because Elijah is dealing with a little bit of disappointment about the baby being a girl! When I told him we weren't having a boy, he put his head down and started crying. Poor guy! I really felt bad for him! But I think he's getting over it by now. Another story will be Miss Ella and her reaction to Emerson when she gets here. I think we will have issues in our home!

Some Recent and Not-So-Recent Photos