Back on Schedule

Elijah and I had a rough day yesterday. Just when you think you have these kids figured out and in a routine and schedule, they change. I've heard it before, but I just realized last night that this applies to me and my own child as well.
Elijah is almost 9 months old. Which means he is extremely curious, active and mobile. What this means for me is that after about 5 minutes, he's bored with eating. He wants to do everything else but eat. Emotionally, I have had a very difficult time with this because over the last few months we have been in the process of switching him to formula in order to give him more calories than I apparently could through nursing, monthly weigh-ins at the doctor and ultimately trying to catch his weight back up to where it "should" be on the stupid percentile chart. (I have come to hate that chart and the word "percentile"). I have become so obsessed with his weight and making sure he's healthy that I have neglected the all-important schedule that has been so vital to me, and I have let Elijah take control. My common-sense and my child-development knowledge tell me that I can't let him take an hour to finish his bottle by taking a couple of ounces at time when he decides he wants it. But my emotions have been telling me that his nutrition is more important. So I hit a mental wall yesterday, put him on the couch and walked away in frustration. He then fell off the couch face first. I was pretty guilt-ridden the rest of the day. And now he has a carpet burn on his nose that is a constant reminder of my loss of control.
I know what I've been doing is not in the best interest of Elijah or our family in the long-run. But I was having a really hard time getting over this mental hurdle - until last night.
Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else. And last night I heard it from a mom of three and a pediatrician. Good sources!
Here's what made it click for me:
Number one - being told that I'm not alone in this struggle.
Number two - I'm not a bad mom for letting my son fall off the couch.
And number three - I was treating him the same way a parent might treat an older sibling when the new baby comes home. You neglect the older one because you are paying so much attention to the baby. So in turn, you let the older child get away with things that you normally wouldn't because you feel bad about the fact that they're not getting the attention that they're used to. I was letting Elijah get away with making his own rules and schedule because I ultimately felt bad that I had failed him in his nutritional needs.
So, I got over it. I'm a good mom. Elijah is a healthy boy. And I'm back in control.

Playing in the grass 

Visit from Princess 

Grateful For "Now"

It's so cliche, but so true! These babies grow up way to fast. While I'm excited about Elijah getting older and all the new things he learns every month, I find myself missing so many things about his first few months.
It's so exciting to see him trying to crawl and pull up on things to stand, but I miss just holding him when all he could do was lay in my arms and let me hold him.
It's very freeing after 18 months of pregnancy and breastfeeding to have my body back to myself, but I miss the cuddling and bonding that we got to do during all of those feedings.
I'm proud of the fact that I have an independent son who wants to just lay down and put himself to sleep at night, but I miss being able to rock him to sleep as he completely relaxed on my chest with his ear over my heart.
It's hard as a parent to really enjoy "now." I find myself always looking forward to Elijah being either in or out of a certain stage, or I find myself missing aspects of past stages. But now that he is almost 9 months old, I have realized that this first year went by faster than I ever imagined and that every year seems to go by faster than the last.
So, for now I will be grateful for this stage we are in now. Scooting, not crawling yet; babbling, not really talking yet; formula and baby food, not "real" food yet; and still taking two naps a day!

Independence

As I sit and write this, I am listening to Elijah talk/whine/yell over the baby monitor as he fights naptime. And he has now learned a new sound: ma ma ma ma. So I now feel even more guilty and annoyed as he calls out since it sounds as if he is specifically calling for me. I know he's tired, he knows he is tired, but he wants to win this battle. He wants to stay awake and play. It's amazing to me that this little 8 month old boy is already asserting so much independence. Probably the most frustrating times during my day are when it's time to eat. Every time, without fail, he will take 4 oz of his bottle and then decide to stop and play. It then takes me another 30-45 minutes to get him to take the last two ounces, which he really needs. It's a battle between us every single time.
And I know this is only a taste of what's to come in the future. Elijah has already demonstrated to everyone who knows him that he is very smart, independent and determined little boy. These are wonderful traits to have, and I am very proud that he is my son. But as his just as independent and determined mom, I pray every day that the two of us continue to learn and grow together and love eachother even more as we go through these battles.

ELIJAH'S FIRST RANGER GAME! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIZZIE!! 

What Is It With Bluebonnets?

So, it's Springtime in Texas and I have a baby, so that means I have to find a patch of bluebonnets for pictures. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea, and it makes for some beautiful pictures, but who started this craze? It's the one time in a child's life when a mother is willing to put her child in danger just for some pictures. When else is it okay to pull off the side of a major four lane highway, or better yet, a tiny two-way country highway with dangerosly sharp s-curves, set your baby on the ground, step back about 10 yards and snap a picture?
I'm willing to bet that if that child ever wanted to stop for any other reason, he would hear, "Are you kidding me? We're on the side of a highway! It's too dangerous. We'll pull off at the next gas station." But, every year at this time, you are bound to see multiple families pulled off on the side of the road trying to set up the perfect bluebonnet picture. Do these families just assume that the drivers in Texas automatically know that it's "bluebonnet picture season," so be on your best driving behavior? Maybe so. Maybe the danger is part of the fun!
Personally, I'm still searching for my picture spot so that I don't have to dodge 18-wheelers. I just hope this doesn't mean that I'll have to miss out on this Texas tradition. Call me over-protective.

Do You Work?

I think anyone who is a mom, whether you are a stay-at-home mom or you work outside the home, will be able to relate to this one, and laugh along with me.
I have discovered something to be true among men. They don't seem to know how to handle the ever-so-touchy issue of asking, "What do you do?", or "Do you work?" when talking to a mom. Every time the situation comes up with me, I can't help but laugh, but also feel a little bad for the guy. I mean, who can blame him? It can be a difficult situation to be in. Depending on what type of woman you are talking to, there's never really a safe way to go with it. Maybe she'll get annoyed that he's assuming she shouldn't work, but should stay home to raise children and clean the house. But, then again, maybe she'll be annoyed if she thinks he has implied that staying at home is not a full-time job in itself. There always seems to be some misunderstanding or implied sexism or something.
Personally, I think this is the fault of us moms. We're too hard on these guys. Don't get me wrong - I, just as much as the next woman, don't think that my job as a stay-at-home mom should be made into any less than it is - it's a full-time job. But, I think we need to lay off the guys a little. So what if they ask "Do you work?" There's no reason for me to assume that he thinks my days are spent watching soaps and eating ice cream. There's no reason for me to get defensive and shoot back to him with pride and disdain, "I do the hardest job in the world 24 hours a day. Of course I work - I'm a mom!"
Let's be realistic about this. Most men in today's world are very aware of the fact that many women have careers and many women stay at home with their kids. Most of them are married to one of these women. Most of them are intellegent creatures with logical thinking brains. And some of them are even sensitive and caring. So, the way I figure it, most men don't mean anything by their questions when inquiring about whether or not you earn any income for your family.
So, the next time a man stumbles over himself while trying to ask you about your life, let him off the hook. Don't assume he's implying anything. Just be nice and answer his question.
But if he really is an unintellegent jerk, let him have it!

I recently had to take my car in to get the oil changed. No big deal, right? Usually. But there are some things that are still difficult to work into Elijah's schedule, and this happens to be one of them. But, I had to get it done. So, Elijah and I woke up very early, ate breakfast, got dressed and headed out to the dealership. (Bear in mind that I woke up at 7:00, but by the time we actually left the house it was 10:00, which is 30 minutes later than when Elijah's usual morning nap takes place). Once we got to the dealership, I asked and asked again, and they assured me that they could have me out of there within an hour - as Elijah was due to eat again at about 11:00. So, I handed over my keys and prayed that they weren't just feeding me a line and that I would be done in at least an hour and a half. I then proceeded in to the waiting area, where I was thankful, yes thankful to see a tv on. I don't let Elijah watch tv at home, and he's probably the only 7 month old outside of the Amish community that hasn't watched a DVD yet. But, he is enthralled by the tv and I know that if all else fails in this boring waiting room, I at least have this to fall back on. But before I sit down and get us settled in for the next couple of hours, I realize Elijah needs a diaper change. I mean, this one is bad and it needs immediate attention. So, off we go to the bathroom. I open the door to this very nice, multi-million dollar car dealership bathroom, only to find that there is NO diaper changing station, NO counter space by the sink, NOTHING that I can put my son on to change his diaper - other than the bathroom floor. Unbelievable! So I turned back around, went straight to the cashier at the front desk and rudely inquired about this and asked for access to another bathroom. She proceeded to tell me that there was a bathroom in the sales office, but "oh yeah, it's exactly the same as this bathroom." Thanks a lot. I angrily walked away, back to the bathroom and gently laid my son on the hard, cold, dirty tile floor and quickly changed his diaper while I apologized to him and prayed that nothing too nasty was coming in contact with his little body.
So, all of this to say that it's unbelievable to me that any place of business in today's world would not have a place to change a diaper. I've even been to tiny, hole-in-the-wall restaurants with hardly what would qualify as a bathroom, and they still have a place to change a diaper. Many places even have these diaper-changing stations in men's bathrooms (which is wonderful, and I love and thank the first person that thought of that - I mean, why is it that only a mom can change their kids' diaper in public?). So, why in the world does this incredibly nice, full-of-money dealership not have anything? Who knows. But, the important thing is that they are now currently getting some installed. And, they did get me out of there within an hour like promised.

Diaper Begging

Yesterday I experienced a "first." Elijah and I decided to go to the Ft. Worth arts and jazz festival with my brother. We were having a nice time, enjoying the weather, cruising through all of the many booths filled with artists and their crafts. Some really great artists, some really not so great, which are good at starting up conversation and laughter. It had been a couple of hours since we had gotten there, and Elijah was due for a diaper change and bottle. We spent at least 20 minutes looking for a decent place to take care of all of this business. Once we found a bench in the shade, we got everything set up and ready go, only to find out that I had failed to re-stock the diaper bag before we left for our outing. I couldn't believe it. I knew it would probably happen at some point, but this was probably the most inconvenient time and place possible. And believe me, this was NOT a diaper that needed to be left alone and unchanged. Something needed to be done. So, I left my brother, diaper bag, stroller and my pride at the bench, gathered Elijah in my arms and went searching. Somehow, in the "family area" of the festival, I couldn't find any children that looked to be in the same age range of Elijah. But once I found one, I pounced. Now, anyone who knows me knows that asking a favor of a total stranger on the street is not easy for me to do. My shyness compounded with a sense of pride tends to make me run in the other direction of a lot of situations. But, since it involved Elijah, I didn't have much of a choice. So, I begged them for one of their diapers. Being a mother myself, and knowing how precious and expensive these diapers are, I was just praying that they were nice people and that they had plenty on hand so that they wouldn't mind giving one up. Just as I should have expected in the first place, they were very nice, understanding and helpful. They even asked if I needed any wipes, and if I only wanted one diaper. So, thank you to the nice family that helped us enjoy another couple of hours looking at art, and for chipping off another little piece of my pride.

First hike, Gorum, La in Kisatchie Natl. Forest 

Elijah Winston 7 months 

Never the Same Again

Casa de Pate

I didn't think it would come true for me, but it did. In the months leading up to the Christmas season, I read numerous articles in my many parenting magazines about how to prepare for the holidays as a new mom. Why would it be any different? Other than the fact that I had this wonderful new person with me to share it with, why would Christmas be any different? Well, just as the holidays are changed forever once you get married, they are also changed forever once you have a kid. And the only problem with that is that I sometimes still feel like a kid myself - selfishly wanting Christmas to hold all the same magic it did growing up. But I guess that's all over now and I have to grow up and start making that same magic for my own son. I discovered all of this while sitting at my parent's house, all by myself in their bedroom nursing my son, while sounds of laughter and fun wafted through the hallways. I then re-discovered it all over again later that same night while I was again alone in my parent's bedroom with my screaming son, trying to put him to sleep.
I had read in my magazine articles that during the holidays all of the grandparents, aunts and uncles would be fighting eachother off in order to hold your little one, as long as he wasn't crying. And, to my surprise, that actually wasn't the case. I have to give my aunts and my parents credit for trying, but it seemed that only I could soothe him at the end of an exhausting, overwhelming Christmas day. So, there I was, left alone. After going through my emotions of resentfulness and anger toward the rest of my family for leaving me all alone in the back of the house with a screaming baby (remember I still feel like a kid myself, and still getting used to this whole baby thing), I realized that it's no one's fault that I am in this situation. I have a wonderful, supportive family that would gladly hold onto my son no matter how loud he was screaming. I'm just a mom now. Plain and simple. My life is changed forever. I'm no longer the kid, I'm no longer without responsibility. I am one of the adults in the family and more importantly, I am a mom - and I couldn't be happier or more proud of that fact.
So, while Christmas is forever changed, I am excited about creating a lifetime of memories for my son like the ones I have of my own childhood.