Casa de Pate

Homeschooling Thoughts

2009-09-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

This is an entry I found through the Pioneer Woman blog that I follow (the author is not the Pioneer Woman, but another author named Mrs. G).
I love it. It is so true that the number one question and/or comment from anyone that finds out you homeschool is about the socialization of your kids. I will just add my response to that topic: Public school does not equal "socialized and normal kid." I think we can all think about kids we know or knew growing up that have/had socialization issues in various ways. And secondly, homeschool does not equal "socially awkward kid that never gets out of the house." All we are doing is teaching our kids during the day, which actually usually only takes up about an hour or two instead of 8-9 hours sitting in a class. We're not boarding up the windows and creating a compound where no one may leave or enter. In fact, we often do school OUTSIDE, possibly while even out in PUBLIC living a normal life. Scary, I know. Anyway, here is the post. And sorry, but you will have to put up with the author writing in the annoying third person.

The Oldest One in the Book

Mrs. G. has been in the homeschooling business for fourteen years and she has taken great pleasure in watching it become more mainstream and garden variety. She can’t visit a Barnes & Noble to this day without stopping by to visit and admire the homeschooling section. Back in the day, Mrs. G. ordered some homeschooling how-to books out of the back of Mother Earth News that were photocopied and stapled. We’ve come a long way friend.

And yet, Mrs. G. notices that it is still, all these years later, almost impossible to have a homeschooling discussion without more than a couple of people (usually blood relations) bringing up that one question, the question that has plagued homeschoolers since that first brave mother threw on an appliquéd denim jumper and sent the school bus on its way without her children on it:

What about socialization?

Mrs. G. has dealt with this question so many times that she is going to have to take a moment to whack her head on her desk three times to call herself back to order. Hold on a sec…
She’s back.

What about socialization?

Mrs. G. is going to start out by taking you back to a crisp fall evening in the early nineties. The G. family was invited to dinner by a woman named Linda who was in Mrs. G’s food co-op. Linda and her husband had four kids, ages 7, 9, 14 and 16. The two families sat around a big table eating lasagna and talking. Dinner and conversation went on for over two hours, and Mrs. G. couldn’t help noticing that Linda’s kids, particularly her two teenage boys, were the most polite, interesting and respectful kids she had ever spent an evening with. They were comfortable discussing all the things they were up to (writing and illustrating comic books, gardening, filming high school football for a local cable access channel, playing guitar, dismantling computers) and seemed so confident and at ease. When Mrs. G. brought up how she was looking into kindergarten for her daughter, Linda mentioned that her kids had never been to school though her oldest was off to college in the fall. Mr. and Mrs. G. were slightly scandalized. No school school. They had never heard of such a thing.
Driving home that night, Mrs. G. remembers thinking that she hoped her kids, small potatoes at 5 and 1, would turn out half as likable as Linda’s crew. A couple of months later, she found book of essays on homeschooling at the library and that was that.

Mrs. G. isn’t sure when “socialization” became such an urgent and determining concern in shaping a child’s future, but she’s got to tell you, loud and clear, that she thinks the idea that a public school setting fosters a higher caliber, gold standard set of cultural skills, habits and norms is a used and tired bill of goods. It’s a crock. She’s feeling unusually strident and squawky on this subject, because last night she had to swill a gin & tonic to come to terms with the letter her son brought home in his backpack, yesterday, on week three of his first-time-in-public-school experience.

And just because we’re all friends here and this has nothing to do with the topic at hand and this is the way Mrs. G’s mind works, Mrs. G. is going to confess that she has some serious misgivings about her son wanting to give their local high school of 1700 students a try. She isn’t concerned about the quality of his education. He’s loving his classes and all of the opportunities a huge school has to offer. She’s concerned that his fourteen years of experiencing the luxury of the freedom and time to become who he really is is going to be undone by four years in a school where pop culture and cliques rule the roost. Laugh if you want, but Mrs. G. has invested years in raising a young man who is gentleman and she knew exactly what some of his homeschooled girl friends meant when they registered alarm that he was heading to the big leagues of high school. I hope they don’t ruin him, one of them whispered. His own older and wiser sister bit her lip at the news and said, oh lordy, he is in for some culture shock. He doesn’t do the whole crude thing.

Mrs. G. isn’t suggesting that children can’t thrive in public school, because, of course, she knows they can. She did. And she knows that public schooled kids are perfectly wonderful in general. Kids are just plain wonderful in general. She has spent a considerable amount of time living and working with kids of every educational stripe and she knows there is no one formula to successfully raising and educating children, there are infinite formulas. And here’s the rub: she and homeschoolers at large are only asking for the same benefit of the doubt…don’t assume it takes a school to produce a kid capable of successfully functioning socially in the world.No doubt, the socialization question is the byproduct of not understanding that most homeschooled children aren’t spending their days chained to the kitchen table with their fourteen other siblings while their overbearing, oversheltering mothers drill them all day with grammar or math facts, making special efforts to assure they have no thoughts of their own. Mrs. G. can’t speak for all homeschooling mothers, but she has to tell you that along with the work they did at home and the planned and spontaneous field trips they took weekly, her kids took classes, volunteered at the Humane Society or food bank, played with friends, babysat, dogsat, lived at the library, glued things, grew things, the list is endless. At least once a month, Mrs. G. would stomp her foot and say, we are not going anywhere for two solid days. We need to get some stuff done around here! Mrs. G. had to occasionally curb socialization.

Mrs. G. isn’t sure when we decided that it was more important for kids to spend most of their time with their peers rather than society at large. She’s got to tell you that in this arena, she thinks homeschooled kids are the victors; they tend to be unusually comfortable and secure in dealing with people of all ages. When homeschoolers get together, you can be sure that there will probably be babies, toddlers, little kids, big kids, bigger kids, moms, dads, grandparents, a crazy aunt… and Mrs. G. loves seeing all of them interact. She remembers many sunny homeschooling play dates at the park where at any given time you might see a group of teens playing football using a toddler as the ball (they never spiked the little cuss) or a group of silly girls teaching someone’s Papaw how to braid a friendship bracelet or a couple of seasoned moms giving a young mom a tutorial on how to deal with tantrums at the grocery store. This is life, healthy life—interacting with all people, not just 300 of your peers, 300 kids all trying to grow and figure out life at the same time.

Mrs. G. is going to bring this communique to a close, because she know she’s been all over the place in this post. She’s hotblooded on this subject; she gets worked up. There are some legitimate reasons to be skeptical of homeschooling but the issue of socialization is certainly not one of them.

2009-09-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

How do you spend time at Wal-Mart when you have to wait 2 hours for your car to get fixed? Play with every size funnel in the automotive section.

2009-08-31T22:39:00.001-07:00

Wow, it feels good to be writing again after four months of NOTHING. So, here's what I know about myself. I am a perfectionist. Not a perfectionist in the sense that I look like I have it all together, and I never stop working - that would be my dear husband. My style of perfectionism is debilitating. I allow many things to be left undone because I am fearful that they won't be done exactly how I want them to be. Thus, no blogging for four months at a time. But fear not - I am working on this and plan on contributing to my blog much more often than I have been.
So, what's been going on in the last four months? Really the last nine months since I haven't truly posted anything of significance since Emerson was born. Oh my - I've just realized I have fulfilled a stereotype of the third child. Isn't that the child that's always left behind and forgotten? Now I've let her entire first nine months of life go by without any updates, stories, or pictures on here. I must get better at this.
Back to the update - what's been going on with us? A lot. The last shall be first, right? So I'll start with little Emie Ray (which she is so affectionately referred to as by everyone in our house). So hard to believe she is nine months old! I am really enjoying seeing her own personality start to come out. She absolutely adores Elijah and Ella, and they are pretty smitten with her as well. Emerson usually spends the day chasing them around the house and playing with whatever they are playing with. I honestly don't remember the last time she played with any of her own baby toys. Which reminds me, I need to put them away somewhere instead of junking up my living room for no reason.
She hasn't made it to her 9 month check-up yet, but I'm very curious to see how she's weighing and measuring. I'm pretty sure she weighs about the same as Ella now who is 2 1/2. To set anyone's mind at ease, Emerson is not as big as a 2 year old, I just have a very skinny and petite little girl in Ella.
So, on to little Ella Bella. Wow, she is a two year old in every way. She is silly, happy and wants to do everything her way and in her own time. And she is so sweet and generous. It is also very obvious to many that she is just like her mom. I like this because it makes it very easy for me to relate with her and I feel like we've got a special bond through that. But, there's definitely a part of me that isn't so thrilled about it because I know what a tough road it can be at times with some of those traits.
I'm pretty sure that the last time I wrote anything about Ella she wasn't walking or talking yet. Once again, she did things on her own time. She started walking at 18 months. LATE, I know! She was 2 before she started saying much more than a handful of words, but now she is speaking full sentences non-stop, all day long. She still has some things that can only be understood by me, but for the most part she is understandable. Which brings up another aspect of her personality. I remember Elijah would try to tell me something one or two times and if I didn't get it, he'd just move on and forget about it. Ella is persistent. And loud. She will say something over, and over, and over and get louder with each attempt as if you can't hear her. It cracks me up because she absolutely will not give up until you get what she's saying.
And last but not least, Elijah. Elijah's only terms of endearment these days are Eli, dude, bud and babe. He's not real into being called by any other nickname like the girls. The best way I can sum up Elijah is that he is just like his dad. He is really into telling jokes and hearing jokes, but the poor kid tries way to hard to understand the entire situation surrounding the joke that has no relevance what-so-ever. Like, why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off.
Elijah: "so where was the chicken?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe at home resting."
Elijah: well, where does the chicken work and why was he taking the day off?
Me: I don't know. that's not the point of the joke.
Elijah: well, it would be funnier if it went like this. why did the elephant cross the road? because the chicken had been working a lot and he was really tired from crossing the road all the time, so he asked the elephant if he could cross the road that day, and the elephant told the chicken, you can take the day off and go play at home!
So, we are working with Mr. Analytical, Jr. on how to tell jokes. He is also FIVE now! And he eats like he's 25. We're going to have to start taking it easy on the food and keep that in check. Like he said today after asking if he could eat Ella's cheeseburger after already finishing his, "This is kind of like junk food, and if I eat too much food like this, I'll end up like a Sumo Wrestler wearing one of those diapers they wear." Still not sure if he's got that whole cause and effect relationship quite right since it sounds like he may be equating over-eating with Sumo wrestler loin cloths?? Not sure.
We will also be starting his school with him next week. He is excited about it. I will post pictures and more info once we actually get started on it.
Also, in the last four months Gavin has completed a very taxing summer of Greek I, II, and III that we are ALL thankful that he is done with!! He has also started a job as the ministry assistant at our church, in the last week lost that same job due to finance issues with the church, and gained a new, more stable position at another ministry. A lot has gone on and continues to come about in those situations, but we continue to be thankful and in awe of God's providence and protection over us. Gavin will start his new position October 1 and is starting the fall semester at school this week. Done with Greek, now on to Hebrew. Fun times.

2009-04-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

So, here I am. Still alive, just very busy and with a major writing block. I'm not sure why I feel I have little to write about with all of the material that I get from the kids each day, but somehow I have let 5 months pass since my last post. And even that wasn't a real post - just pictures. So, I know all five of you who actually read this are super excited to be reading about my life again (blogs are so self-righteous aren't they?!), but beware of the following content. If you don't have a dark or inappropriate sense of humor at times, you may be offended by parts of the story below. Just fyi...

Today we decided to celebrate Eveyn's birthday a day early. She would be 3 years old tomorrow. However, tomorrow is Monday and I wanted to be able to go out to the cemetery with all of us together and knew that would be much easier on the weekend rather than during the week. So, after church we grabbed a quick lunch at Jack in the Box and then headed out to the cemetery where Eveyn is buried. Well, it was supposed to be a quick lunch, but since Elijah has to either tell a story or demonstrate something after every few bites, it was not as quick as I had hoped. But that's beside the point.

Ella of course had no idea what we were going to do, but Elijah did and he was excited about it. He talks about Eveyn all the time and tells me how much he misses her and wishes she was still here with us. I have written about this before, but I just love the things he says about her and the way he sincerely misses having his other sister with him. Now, he hasn't been out to the cemetery in a very long time, so like I said he was pretty excited. On the way there he started talking to Emerson and telling her what we were going to do (Ella was asleep at this point). He told Emerson in his happy little sing-song Elijah voice/baby talk voice, "we're going to visit Eveyn's graveyard! That's your sister, but you can't see her because she died! But we're going to her graveyard! Isn't that fun?!"

Once we arrived at the cemetery and before we got out of the car, I told Elijah that he couldn't run around and act crazy because he needed to be respectful of other people that were visiting people they loved also. He did well with this most of the time, but he was pretty happy since we were having cupcakes. As I was trying to secure a wreath that I had bought, Elijah took a break from asking when we were going to eat the cupcakes to ask a more important question. "When are we going to dig up Eveyn?" I'll just write out the rest of the conversation:

Me: "Dude, we aren't going to dig up Eveyn."
Eli: "Why not?"
Me: "Well, remember how we've talked about what happens to our bodies once we die?"
Eli: "Yeah, they decave."
Me: "Right, they decay. And Eveyn's spirit, her true self, is with Jesus in heaven. Eveyn's body is not alive anymore, so you wouldn't want it here with us now."
Eli: "Yeah, I know that mom. But we could dig up all her bones."
Me: "Why would you want to do that?"
Eli: "Well, I could give them to my dog someday."

And at this point, you just can't help but laugh. A lot. And Elijah doesn't get the joke, but he really likes that he has somehow said something funny. And sorry Pop, but he went on to tell the same "joke" about feeding Pop's bones to his dog someday too.
Once the totally inappropriate joking was over, we sat on the grass, enjoyed cupcakes together and talked about what we thought Eveyn would be like if she was still with us. Elijah became more serious and real quietly said, "yeah, I think she'd be pretty cute right now." It's hard to imagine what she would be like as a three year old, but I agree with Elijah that she'd be pretty cute.
Happy Birthday Eveyn

More pictures of Emerson

2008-12-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

Pop, Uncle Steven, Elijah showing Emerson the bear he made for her at Build A Bear

Ella and Elijah taking a good look at Emerson for the first time with Gavin

Elijah and Ella watching Emerson get checked out and have a bath in the nursery

Nana and Emerson

Pretty blue eyes

Emerson Rae

2008-11-28T09:07:00.000-08:00

Here are pics of baby Emerson!

She was not happy to come out of her warm, dark home! She started screaming before she was even all the way out! She has adjusted well now and has become very fond of cuddling - see the picture of her zipped up in Gavin's jacket.
Will post more pictures when we are home. Should be going home Saturday morning.

A Day to Be Thankful

2008-11-27T09:11:00.000-08:00

We are so happy to announce that Emerson Rae Pate has arrived!! She was born yesterday, November 26 at 8:18am. She's 8.5 pounds and 19 inches with a lot of cute, chubby rolls on her legs and arms. Of course, we think she is pretty dang cute! I wish I had a picture to share right now, but we're obviously still in the hospital and I forgot to bring my usb cable to hook up my camera to the computer. We should be going home on Saturday and I can post some pictures then.
I am recovering well after a couple of small complications during my c-section. I am thankful that that part is over and we have our new little girl!
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for the health and safety of both Emerson and me - we are very thankful!
I can't think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving!

Halloween

2008-11-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

This is the Hulk and a ballerina, in case you can't tell. I never got a very good picture of either kid, or one of them together. But it's fitting since Halloween was pretty lame this year anyway. We tried to find a good church carnival or something to go to, but it didn't really work out. We did more driving than trick or treating, but lesson learned, I guess.

Wonderful Reminder

2008-11-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Not that I need any reminding since Eveyn is on my mind and my heart every day, but Elijah continues to be such a blessing in this realm of our life. He brings up Eveyn in the funniest ways sometimes and at other times in ways that are so gentle and sweet.

Last night I was folding laundry, some of which included baby blankets in preparation for Emerson's arrival. One of the blankets had some gross looking stains on it, so I asked Elijah to go throw it in the trash for me. He reluctantly did so, and then came back to me crying. I asked him what he was upset about and he told me that blanket was his favorite one and he didn't want it in the trash. I was thinking this was silly because it's been stored away forever and he was just overreacting because he doesn't like to get rid of anything. But then he got even more upset and told me that this particular blanket reminded him of Eveyn and it made him sad to put it in the trash. Well, obviously at this point the discussion was over and the blanket was immediately taken out of the trash and re-washed. How can I argue with that?

Even so, I was still doubting the legitimacy of his story a little since he hadn't seen the blanket in years. However, later that night at bedtime, he insisted on not only sleeping with the blanket, but placing it under his head and cuddling with it. So I guess for some reason, something about that blanket reminds him of his sister Eveyn that he still remembers and still misses quite a bit.

I am continually thankful for moments like these.

Elijah's Rain Issues

2008-10-14T12:53:00.000-07:00

These pictures have nothing to do with his rain issues, but I don't post without pictures! So these are just various activities of Elijah.

Anyway, we got some great rain today! It's been so overcast for the last two days and today it rained. I thought it would be a great thing, but the afternoon was filled with problems for Elijah.
This morning I was cleaning out all of their clothes that don't fit, one of which was a Mavericks warm-up suit that is a size 3T. Elijah pretty much wears a 5 now, so I was definitely putting that in the discard pile. But of course when Elijah saw it, he wasn't going to let that happen and had to put it on right then. So I let him thinking he would see how short the pants were and have a meltdown and then agree that they didn't work anymore. Of course Elijah's comment was, "they're a bit short, but they work great!" Yeah, whatever. I don't really care to argue at this point after he's gone through all this work to put his basketball shorts on, his Dirk jersey, the entire warm-up suite, his socks and his shoes, and he's even got the jacket zipped all the way up to his neck just like Dirk does, and then with a big smile he stands back and says, "How great do I look, mom?!"

So later we're outside where it has been sprinkling off and on for the last several hours and I'm thinking he's going to play basketball with the warm-up suite on since he has all day and since it's pretty wet outside. But in fact, he now announces to me that he needs help taking it off so that he can play. The real players don't play in their warm-ups. Of course, they don't. But the real players actually have warm-ups that are baggy enough to fit over their shoes, and don't pull down their shorts and underwear when they're trying to take them off. And yes, I am complaining about this to Elijah as I'm trying to pry the ankle of the pants over his shoes, while bending over and coming close to fainting because the weight of Emerson being upside down is somehow cutting off my airway. And Elijah says, "oh mom, it's easy." Alright bucko, you sit down and take them off yourself. Yeah, not as easy as he thought. And then to top it off, about five minutes into playing without his warm-ups on, he starts complaining about getting wet. The warm-up suite is NOT going back on.

Once that fiasco is over and he's done playing, it was time to hop in the car and run around to the drugstore to get a couple of things. And amazingly, it started pouring down rain right as I was starting to put Ella in the car. So I quickly got her buckled in while Elijah was scrambling to just get in the car. I was about to run around to my door as I told Elijah to buckle himself in, when he yelled in a panic, "I can't do it!!!" So, I instead ran over to his door to begin buckling him in, all the while getting completely soaked while I listen to him tell me, "it's okay mom, I'm safe and dry in the car!" Thank you for caring, sweetie. Now here's where he really doesn't care one ounce about his mom's level of dryness - As I pull the car out of the driveway, he asks me where his blanket is. I say it's inside the house. "Mommy, you HAVE to go get it. I NEED it!" Sorry, babe, you've gotta take one for the team on this one. He did alright and his sweet little sister shared a corner of her blanket with him for about two minutes. Then she giggled and took it away.

The rain really started coming down hard while we were driving. It was one of those where you can barely see and the streets flood in about two minutes. I was actually enjoying it quite a bit. But, I really didn't want to get out at the store with both kids, and all get soaked just to get some candy for Elijah and Gavin to take to a soccer game later. So, I called Gavin and told him he might need to pick it up on his way home from work because of this rain, however Elijah was not happy about this because he wanted to pick out his own candy in the store. I kept reassuring him, but he wasn't convinced. And all of a sudden from the back seat I hear a little voice pleading with Heaven, "Please God will you make the rain stop now?!" It was so desperate and so funny. But sure enough as we pulled into the drugstore parking lot, the rain stopped and we were able to go inside.

I'm not real sure what that kid just learned about the power of prayers, but I'm just wishing it was still raining!

43 Days and Counting

2008-10-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you can make it out, but this is a picture of Emerson's feet. One foot is more clearly defined than the other. Anyway I love baby and kid feet pictures, so I love this sonogram.

She cannot get here fast enough. I'm not sure what I'm going to do from here on out, because like I told Gavin, I love having the kids, but I really hate being pregnant. I am so tired of it at this point since having four kids in five years. I still want more, just without the pregnancies, and more importantly, NOT NOW! We've always talked about adoption, so I'm sure we'll do that at some point, but that's another topic all-together and I'm sure I'll be pregnant again at some point - but like I said, I need some TIME for my tired self! (I'm sure many of you are thinking, "well, doesn't she know what causes all these babies and how she can stop them?" Well, yes we do and we have apparently had quite a bit of Divine intervention in this particular area). I actually really enjoy the challenges of parenting and being at home all day with the kids, but it's when you throw that pregnancy aspect into it that I get really beaten down at times. And I really don't like to complain, and I feel like I do a mostly good job of having a good attitude and being thankful that I get to be pregnant again. After all, I know plenty of other women that never get the joy of experiencing another life within them, and I also know what it's like to lose a child of my own. All this to say that I am extremely thankful for another little baby, but you better believe I'm counting down these days until she is out of my belly and into my arms!

I am also doubly excited about Emerson's arrival because she will be here the day before Thanksgiving! I'm having a c-section on November 26 bright and early in the morning. Actually, it will probably still be dark. Anyway, I'm excited about this because she is getting here just in time for us to fully enjoy her through all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas days. I have always enjoyed this time of year up until Eveyn died. We've had two years of holidays without her, and it has never been close to the same. I haven't been as interested in the "normal" holiday stuff nearly as much just because it doesn't seem as important, even with having Elijah and Ella here with us. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy the holidays together and have fun, there's just always that missing piece that you never forget. And this past Christmas was difficult because my grandma was very sick and in the hospital. It was the first Christmas in my life that I wasn't with Grandma to celebrate. She then passed away later in February. So this Thanksgiving and Christmas will have that additional missing piece. All this to say that I think Emerson is coming at just the right time. There is one saying about grief that I know to be untrue, and I think whoever said it must not have ever really experienced grief. But it says that "time heals all wounds." I don't think that time heals any wounds, but it does make them more bearable. And that's how I think of Emerson's arrival and timing. Even with the amount of joy she will bring, her coming into our lives doesn't heal any wounds, or make any sadness go away, but it does allow us to remember that no matter how deep our wound, life does still happen every day all around us and we are called to continue to take part in that.

2008-07-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

I Have to Get Back on Track!

2008-07-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

Man, I'm not doing so well at keeping up to date on this blog! A lot has been going on, so I'll do my best to do the updates without rambling too much.

In Elijah's world, his main concerns are watching each and every episode of the original Speed Racer cartoons which Gavin has been renting from Netflix, planning his 4th birthday party which he really wants to have at the skating rink, having sword fights with anyone and everyone, being the best super-hero he can be, going commando under his shorts, peeing outside (the other night at some friends' house, I looked out the back window to see Elijah standing in the middle of their yard completely naked while explaining his actions to the other boys), and becoming very open and honest in his curiosity and discussions of the human body.
This last interest has given me a lot of good laughs and some more serious discussions with him. An example of a good laugh: Elijah was shooting a foam dart gun, and ended up shooting Ella right in the front part of her diaper. He laughed and exclaimed, "I shot Ella in her penis!" After telling him that Ella actually didn't have a penis because she's a girl, he laughed again and said, "oh yeah, I forgot. I meant to say that I shot her in her anus!" Nice. I just don't like that word, not that it's a bad word, it just always sounds weird. I guess that's still my 7th grade immaturity in me! But it sounds extra weird coming from my 3 year old! Still funny, though.
We've also had some more serious discussions about pointing out obvious differences in other people. He seems to have an obsession with noticing peoples belly's and using the word fat. He doesn't even mean it in a cruel way, he just uses it in a very matter-of-fact way, just like pointing out someone who's really tall. But, the word fat isn't very well accepted by anyone, so we've had many talks about the right and wrong way to use that word - which is really confusing to him.

On to the world of Ella. She will be 16 months on Aug. 5, and she's getting ever closer to finally walking someday, I think! At least I hope so. Elijah didn't walk until he was 16 months old, so I'm not really concerned. She does signs with us really well, and she's very verbal, but she doesn't have too many discernible words yet. Her doctor said to give her until 18 months to see some improvement, so I'm hoping that will happen as well. But again, Elijah didn't really say much until around 18 months, so it doesn't worry me at this point.
Although she's not actually walking, Ella does have an awesome little knee-walk that she does most of the time now. Just like it sounds - she sits upright and walks on her knees. It's pretty cute, but she also kind of looks disabled, like she's an amputee or the bottom half of her legs just don't work.

And in new baby news, I'll be 21 weeks this week and we just found out on Monday that we are having another girl! Her name is Emerson Rae. The first name is obviously an "E" name that we just thought was unique and pretty, and the middle name is my grandmother's middle name. So, we are mostly excited about this! I only say mostly because Elijah is dealing with a little bit of disappointment about the baby being a girl! When I told him we weren't having a boy, he put his head down and started crying. Poor guy! I really felt bad for him! But I think he's getting over it by now. Another story will be Miss Ella and her reaction to Emerson when she gets here. I think we will have issues in our home!

Some Recent and Not-So-Recent Photos

2008-07-09T08:35:00.001-07:00

Brain Freeze

2008-06-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering, I'm still a blogger, but recently I've only been reading blogs instead of writing. The last time I had a writing drought like this it was because I was processing so much with losing Eveyn and the whole grief process (which I've found really never ends, it just changes). However, this drought is going to be blamed on pregnancy. My brain just isn't functioning these days. Gavin calls it pregnancy brain, my dentist (whose wife is also pregnant) calls it Pregnesia. While in his office last week, filling out an updated medical form, I couldn't remember if it was 2007 or 2008. I sat there just blank for a couple of minutes and then just decided to write 2007 because somehow in my messed up head I thought it might be less embarrassing to write down a year we've already been through rather than a year that hasn't even happened yet. Good logic.
So you can understand that when I sit down to type a new entry, my mind is either blank or filled with a storm of crazy thoughts. Also, once again, I don't have a camera!!! Elijah didn't break it this time, it broke by itself and was returned to Costco. I know I've said this before, but I really have a hard time posting anything without pictures, but hopefully I'll have some soon. I really just want an awesome digital SLR that I know is good quality. But that takes money, so if anyone is throwing out a good SLR, throw it my way, please!
My brain and my body are shutting down for the day, so it's time to go to bed!

What Am I Going To Do???

2008-04-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, with the new baby on the way I will have three kids that will be in carseats, and people have been approaching me with the inevitable question, "so, are you guys going to get a minivan?" Aaaaggggghhhhh!! (Did I spell that outburst correctly?) Anyway, I'm not sure what my deal is, but I have always, always sworn that I would not be a mom with a minivan. So, you say, "Just get a big SUV." I would personally much prefer this idea, but the cost difference between a big gas-guzzling SUV and a more efficient minivan is pretty significant on our very modest budget, not to mention the actual cost of the car itself.

So, something is going to have to give. Unfortunately, I think the thing that will have to change is my pride. Pride in what? I don't really even know. There is just something about a minivan that says, "Blah. I'm a stay at home mom. Blah, Blah. I'm just like the rest of the pack of moms that drive around town with our kids running errands in our minivans. Blah Blah Blah." But this is not at all how I feel about my life. I love my life with my kids and my husband. But for some reason, a minivan says the opposite in my mind.

I know I sound totally crazy, so forgive me. Isn't it true that our cars say something about us? We may not like it, but it's true. We buy cars for certain reasons, one of which is that we like the way they look and what that says about us, whether we realize it or not. I'm starting to get too analytical for this blog, but I do believe this psychology is true most of the time, and I don't like what minivans say to me!

Please forgive me if you own a minivan and you like it. Go for it! I just don't want to. And I'm really not a car snob. Drive your van with pride! Just don't slide open that double-sided door and make me go with you!

I guess I've got a few months to figure something out - maybe through therapy.

In honor of this post, here is a picture of the van I grew up riding in. I realize minivans have come a long way since the 80's, so don't try to convince me that they are cool now. Gavin and my mom are already covering this area just fine.

Happy Driving!

Elijah's Thoughts On the Election

2008-04-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

"I want Barack Obama to win, because you know what he says? His job is to fix Washington. And I just like him. He's a nice guy. He does a lot of stuff, but I don't really know what it all is.
I don't really like Hillary. She lost before, and then she cried. Kind of like Ella, like a baby."

How about that synopsis! I'd say he's a pretty smart kid! I'm not sure where he learned all of his information. I'm guessing a mix of hearing commercials, the news and over-hearing some of mine and Gavin's conversations. But seriously, we don't really talk about it very much at all, so I guess he's been researching it online! Like I said, he's a smart kid!

(FYI, I do not claim to agree or disagree with Elijah's political views. I just report the information I'm given)

Here Comes E4!

2008-04-08T18:58:00.000-07:00

This is what I've nicknamed the latest addition to our family that is due November 30th. In case some of you haven't caught on, all of our kids have "E" names. Still not sure how this is going to work out with the prospect of future adoptions, but I guess we'll worry about that when the time comes!

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, we found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm pregnant with the fourth. We are very excited, and once again, very surprised. We knew we wanted more kids, but we didn't really have such a short time-frame in mind - but this sort of thing has never happened on our timing, so I'm not so sure why we are very surprised.

And, since this is the fourth, we already have a couple of names picked out since there are very few decent E names to begin with. Unless you consider Ebenezer and Eloise decent names. And I refuse to have another "El" name right now either, so that narrows my choices even more (fyi, we now have Elizabeth, Elijah and Ella being called out on an hourly basis, which causes me to constantly get tongue-tied). So although we already have a couple of good ideas, feel free to put your two cents in!

My only regret with this pregnancy is that I wasted the past year and didn't get the weight off that I had gained with Eveyn and Ella. I had just started a new workout regimen and was set to get busy losing this weight, and then I woke up a few days later and knew I was pregnant. Three home tests and one doctor test later, and it was official. But I am hopeful as far as not putting on any new unnecessary pounds and being very dedicated to working out throughout this pregnancy. I even had my first appointment with a personal trainer today at the gym and he totally kicked my butt. I hurt! But in a good way, and I feel completely confident in his knowledge and ability to keep me and the baby safe. So I'm excited about that. He even said that he's trained several pregnant women, and one woman worked out with him on a Tuesday and that Thursday gave birth!

Anyway, that's the latest. We are very excited and thankful that God has blessed us so greatly in the baby department!

Happy Birthday, Ella Grace!!

2008-04-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe, but Ella turned a year old on Saturday! It's so cliche, but so true, that the past year went by so quickly. It surprises me sometimes how much she seems like a little person, with such a distinct personality, and not just a baby. Every day her individuality comes out more and more - sometimes good and sometimes not so good! But I love how different she is from Elijah and how she has changed the dynamics of our family and home.

One of my favorite things to watch is how she can now play much more how Elijah likes to play - rough. Ella has gotten pretty tough over the last year of living with Elijah, and now they are able to "wrestle" with minimal screams or rescue intervention from me. And when they're not wrestling, they like to kiss and hug and just look at each other and laugh. It's great!

Speaking of screams, that is something that Ella has absolutely perfected. She usually does this while sitting at the table waiting to eat, but she also has been known to scream just for a reaction, or to show off for company. She knows how to do sign language to get what she wants, but she is so stubborn and impatient that she really prefers to let out a horror movie-worthy, ear-piercing scream. So, we are in the process of breaking that habit!

The most exciting thing in Ella's big-girl life (at least in my opinion) is that I've gotten her totally off of baby food! She has finally gotten over any gagging issues with texture, and is eating real food at every meal!! Yesterday after church we went to Macaroni Grill and she had bread, spaghetti and even some meatballs! She takes two hours to finish a meal, but she's doing it!

Her birthday was on Saturday, but Gavin and I were in a bit of a predicament. Most of Ella's grandparents were out of town (my dad and both of Gavin's parents)! We wanted to celebrate her birthday, obviously, but we knew that her other grandparents were disappointed to miss any party that we had. So, we decided not to have an actual party with cake and presents (yet) but instead we took the kids to the Dallas World Aquarium and then out to eat Mexican food. So for her birthday, Ella got to eat guacamole for the first time, rice and beans for the first time and then top it all off with some fried ice cream! She really enjoyed it a lot! And the aquarium was great! Both of the kids really loved it. Ella went through for the full two hours completely captivated by everything, showing her amazement by constant pointing and, "ooooo"'s. We also invited the family members that were in town to join us (my mom, brother, and Gavin's sister) so that added to the fun.

Here are a bunch of pictures from Ella's birthday, but they are all out of order. I wasn't interested in taking the extra time to change them around, and Elijah wasn't interested in waiting for me to take any more time working on this! The first two are a couple of my favorites of Elijah and Ella when she was a couple of months old. He had made a habit of climbing into the bassinet with her to talk and show her different toys. He has been such a great brother to little Ella!

Having one of their first little chats

Sweet kiss

One year later!

Eating guacamole with Aunt Vanessa

Having some fried ice cream!

Crazy Elijah after a long day

With Nana and Uncle Steven at the aquarium

Checking out the baby stingrays

Giving a good "oooo" at some birds

Sitting pretty with the flamingos!

Getting some coloring instruction from Elijah

I Need One of Those!!

2008-04-04T21:49:00.001-07:00

Last week, the kids and I were hanging out at the mall to window shop and play on the playground. We parked outside of JCPenny's where the hair salon is just because I was bored with my normal parking area which is closer to the playground. We needed some new scenery!

By the time we were ready to go, I got to the glass doors and saw that it was pouring rain! At about the same time, Gavin called to tell me that there was a tornado warning and not to leave the mall until the storm had passed over a little more. So, there we were just hanging out in the entryway, watching the storm in front of the JCPenny salon.
We had only been there a couple of minutes when an elderly couple came out of the salon and expressed their surprise and disappointment at the rain in a way that only a cute elderly Texas couple could do. Once they figured out what to do, the husband was sent to go get the car while the wife sat down close by us and preceded to put on her plastic rain bonnet and wait for her car to arrive.

While we waited for the storm to die down, and she waited for her husband, the woman struck up a conversation with Ella. Elijah very surprisingly didn't say much and didn't really try to join in on the conversation, or introduce his little sister like he normally does. But I noticed that he was studying the woman and her rain bonnet. After a couple of minutes, he asked me what she was wearing and why she was wearing it. I told him it was a rain bonnet and it was for protecting her hair from the rain so that it wouldn't get messed up. He became curiously quiet again, while continuing to study the woman and her bonnet. Finally he got a look of, "By george, I've got it!" I smiled at him and asked him what he was thinking about and very determined and excited, he stated, "Mommy, I think I need one of those for my hair!"

The woman laughed at him and thought he was pretty cute, but I was thinking, "oh man, I hope he forgets about this encounter!" Elijah is very good at pretending like he has forgotten about these strange little interests, but really he stores them in the back of his mind and comes up with a plan as to how he can obtain whatever it is that he wants. And then one day three months down the road, we'll be walking through the hair product aisle in Target and he'll spot it. It will be on the very top shelf, in a little taped up box, with tiny lettering that says, "rain bonnet" and he'll see it. He has special sensors for these things (not sensors for rain bonnets, but for strange items that he thinks he needs). So, in a few months if you see a picture of Elijah in an old woman's plastic rain bonnet, you'll know why.

Can It Really Be True??!!

2008-04-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

This has nothing to do with my adorable kids or my wonderful husband, but my brain has morphed back into a screaming 12 year old since I have heard the news! NKOTB are back! I know, I know, I'm such a dork, but I think this is an exciting and fun thing! I saw them on the Today Show this morning, and it was just like I was back in sixth grade again. It was so much fun to see them all together again and I am marking my calendar for May 16 - when they will be performing live on Today. And yes, I will also be purchasing their new album to jam to in the car with my kids! Fun times!

Recent Happenings

2008-03-28T04:45:00.001-07:00

I'm so ticked that I can't post any pictures, but I let our little photographer Eli use our new camera, and he broke it! I always let him take pictures, in fact, he has taken some really cute ones of Ella because of his lower vantage point that he has while he follows her around the house. But apparently, the battery was running low so the lens kept moving in and out and then the camera would just shut off. He became frustrated with it and decided to manually shove the lens back in to close the camera and then, POP! "Mommy, I think something is wrong with your camera." Great. So, anyway, I am without a camera until I can return it to Costco and buy a new one, which I'm hoping to get done today.

In the world of Ella, we have made huge strides with this little girl who very dramatically gags on anything more than stage two pureed baby foods. For the past couple of days, she has had some fun sucking and nibbling on little pieces of bread, and last night I got her to eat some brown rice! When I presented her with a tiny bite, she looked back and forth between me and the strange substance on her spoon, then willingly took a bite! I was so proud of her! She moved it around in her mouth and sucked on it for quite a while, and made several "mmmm" comments. She only gagged a few times, one of which I thought was going to cause her to throw it all back up, and then took a few bites of her brothers cheese toast! I was so excited at her decision to try something new without totally rejecting it. We are way overdue for moving past all of this pureed stuff. Once she gets the hang of this, it will be time to get rid of the bottle that she loves so much!

Colorado

2008-03-25T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to improve on my blogging, so I wanted to make sure and get at least one other post in before the end of the month! I actually now have a entire 4 days left of March, so maybe I'll even get two written up!
We just got back this past Saturday from a week-long trip with my parents to Colorado. It was really great to be able to enjoy the beauty and share in that with the family. Elijah and Ella both got to play in some real snow for the first time (by "real" I mean not DFW snow, and more than one or two inches) and Elijah got to ski for the first time. I was also pleasantly surprised at how quickly skiing came back to me after about four years of being away from it. I really did enjoy it and wish that I had gotten to ski more than I did. I probably could have gone up a few more times, but it was more important to me to be able to hang out with Elijah and help him do all the skiing and playing that he wanted to do. After a full day of ski school, I'm not real sure that Elijah thought it was worth all of the work to spend 15 seconds going down a little hill, but I think he enjoyed it enough to try it again next year. And maybe Gavin will finally try out some snowboarding!
Here are some pictures of the trip.

M.I.A

2008-03-04T21:37:00.000-08:00

I have been in a real blog slump the past few months, but I'm really going to try to get back into it! I'm starting back slowly and just posting a few cute pictures so that I don't feel like I have to maintain some high level of blogging. Good grief, who would have thought a silly blog that probably 10 people in the world actually reads could cause a case of performance anxiety. Pretty ridiculous, I know.
I've also decided that I'm going to start writing about more than just what the kids are doing. Of course, they are plenty entertaining enough to fill up my time and space here on the computer, but I've discovered there are many other things in my days and life that might be entertaining to bring up as well. At least, I think they are entertaining.
So, without any further ado....

I took these pictures of Ella actually a long time ago. I went in to tuck in the kids and give one last kiss goodnight before heading to bed, and she was cuddled up with her bunny friend. The bunny is a gift that Elijah made for Ella at the Build a Bear Workshop to welcome her into the world. He brought it with him up to the hospital and gave it to her the day she was born, and it has a little recording in it with Elijah's little voice saying, "Happy Birthday, Ella." She has loved that thing from the very beginning because it has Elijah's voice with it. Elijah can do no wrong in his little sister's eyes - I think it was love at first sight.

The picture of Elijah was also taken a while ago. It is from his final class and performance in the gym class that he is in. All the kids got to stand at the top of the podium, like at the Olympics, receive their medal and give a big, "ta-da!" So this is Elijah's "ta-da." And of course, during the kids' individual performances of what they have learned in the class, Elijah also chose to show off his break-dancing skills that have been self-taught in his living room. I was impressed and proud, however I'm pretty sure the other parents didn't appreciate it as much as I did. They were probably just trying to figure out why this weird kid decided to all of a sudden start flailing his body around. For any of you mid-90's SNL fans and Seinfeld fans, his movements are really a nice combination of Ed Grimley and Sprockets and then a little bit of Elaine mixed in. It really is pretty classic.

I will have a new post in the next couple of days - we all had a big day today that I will share. But I'm having issues with picture uploads, and I'm kind of OCD about posting without pictures - I don't like to do it! So when I get the picture thing figured out, I'll put up a new post!

2007-12-15T00:31:00.000-08:00

"I'm freakin' out, dude!" -said by mr. elijah winston pate this week.

Christmas Miracle

2007-12-15T00:07:00.000-08:00

Our household has been blessed this year with our own Christmas Miracle - and no, I'm not pregnant again! Elijah has decided to join the world of diaper-free living! Truly amazing. And it has been so much fun to be with him everyday to share in his successes! It's so delightful to see your child expressing such pride of accomplishment for something in his life. I just never knew that pee and poop could be so much fun, but it really is! And to top it off, he told me yesterday that he thinks he's ready for boxers. How cute would he be in boxers?! Very cute! That on top of his comment to Gavin a couple of days ago that he wanted to wear jeans so that he "could be a real man like you, daddy." He's growing up so much these days and it's a blessing to see him want to be like his dad. However, it also touches a very soft part of my heart to hear him on the phone today tell me, "mommy, I just need you." It's an honor and an amazing thing to watch Elijah call on both Gavin and me in such different and unique ways, and I am so thankful that we are available to provide those needs to him. God is good to bless us with these things - wonderful children, dedicated spouses, cherished families, pee and poop!

Forget College, Start Saving for Orthodontics!

2007-11-27T21:15:00.000-08:00

Elijah went to the dentist yesterday for the second time in his life. Our dentist office calls it a "Happy Visit." He really does a great job and actually enjoys going. He even thought the few little x-rays that he got were fun - mostly because he got to wear Spider Man sunglasses during them. They let him hold a mirror the whole time so he can see what they're doing, as well as hold the water sprayer and the suction straw. It's a real discovery and learning opportunity for him, so he becomes pretty fascinated and will comply with just about anything. So, needless to say, it was a very successful trip. However, we were also told that he is a prime candidate for orthodontics, and that it could start as early as 5 or 6 years old! What? I know, he won't even have lost his baby teeth yet! But, based on his x-rays they found two pretty obvious characteristics of future orthodontics patients - a very narrow palate (meaning he may not have enough room for all of his adult teeth) and the pronounced effects of sucking his finger 24-hours a day.
So, all of this information sent Gavin to the internet to look up average costs of all of these things, and it's not cheap! So this lead us into the discussion that plenty of people never get braces and make it through life just fine. I mean, it's not life and death, it's just teeth. And then I started to think of different people you come across in life that you look at and think, "I wonder why they don't just get their teeth fixed - it's so easy now."
It seems like we always figure out a way to pay for those necessary things, no matter how difficult it may seem to come up with the money. So, when the time comes, we'll make it work and take care of his beautiful toothy smile! And then hope that Ella's teeth are perfect!

Early Santa Visit

2007-11-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

Apparently, we got very bored today sitting around the house with the cold rain, so we ventured out to the MALL! I know, the last place we should go on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but I felt like the two little kids in The Cat in the Hat - "we sat there we two on that cold, cold, wet day." We had to get out! So, we decided it would be a good time to get the Santa visit out of the way.
It's always an interesting experience with Elijah because he's never quite sure if he likes Santa or not. As I was getting him dressed, he reminded me of how much he was scared and cried during last year's visit. But I told him that was so long ago and that he wasn't that little anymore. He agreed, and became pretty enthusiastic about telling Santa that he wanted a skateboard and a dog. However, once we actually came up to Santa's Workshop, the mood changed. But between Gavin bribing him with ice cream and me telling him that I was taking Ella whether he came or not, he gave in. His only requirement would be that he would not sit on Santa's lap - he would only stand next to him. As you can see from the pictures, Santa did convince Elijah to sit on his lap after a short conversation, but it wasn't a real exciting or joyous occasion for either kid. Also, as seen in the pictures, this Santa was not too joyous himself. A little rough around the edges. And for anyone who has seen A Christmas Story enough times to remember the Santa scene, Elijah reminded me of Ralph's little brother who just weirdly sits on Santa's lap and doesn't say a word and Santa becomes annoyed and bored with the whole thing. It had me laughing pretty hard on the inside, but also very annoyed with this Santa guy!
(Make note of the picture where Elijah and Ella are looking at each other for a little reassurance. Classic picture!)

Kiddo Update

2007-11-05T08:31:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd post a little update since I think it's been quite a while! Ella is 7 months old today! Hard to believe! She has a full four teeth - two bottom and two on top. She got her top ones in at 4 months! She is also doing a great job sitting up most of the time. Her main problem comes when she gets really excited, throws up her arms and seems to loose all control and falls over. Elijah gets a big laugh when that happens. Amazingly, she has also started pulling up and standing, although she can't crawl or move her legs when she is standing. But she loves to stand!
I have been trying to get her to eat solids for the past couple of months, but she just hasn't been too interested. This morning she ate more than she ever has - carrots and cereal - and seemed to really enjoy it for the first time. So maybe we're finally heading into the realm of "real food" with her!
I am thoroughly enjoying the interaction between Ella and Elijah. They are just absolutely in love with each other, and it is so fun to watch. They will just lay around on the floor together, lay their heads on each other, put their noses up to each other and laugh. It is so sweet. I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts!
On the Elijah front, we are still having much difficulty and struggles with potty training. He just doesn't want to do it. He'll do great for a day, and then decide he's done with it. I do have a plan of action, however, so I will update with all of that soon! He continues to amaze us with his vocabulary and personality. He always says the greatest stuff. A couple of days ago, he leaned over to me while we were eating lunch and said, "Mommy, tell me something about Eveyn." Wow, I was stunned for a few seconds, then told him a few things about Eveyn, and then reflected on how grateful I am that God has given me such a wonderful vessel for remembering our sweet little girl.

Our Pirate and His Parrot

2007-11-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

The costumes were a lot of fun this year! Ella's costume was a lot cuter before putting it on, because I didn't account for the material having to stretch over her little body, and therefore many of the hot-glued feathers became misplaced and funky looking. She actually did a much better job than I expected keeping the feathers out of her mouth. The biggest problem were the grouping of feathers on her chest, directly under her little drooling mouth. About an hour into the night, those things were looking pretty disgusting and she started to look like a mix between a just-hatched chick that's still slimy and an older bird that was just molting. But she did get a lot of attention from passer's-by and she had a lot of fun at her first Halloween!
Elijah decided a long time ago that he was going to be a pirate for Halloween. I'm not sure where the idea even came from - he just announced it one day and never changed his mind. So his was a pretty easy one to put together. He had a lot of fun with it and even wore the big hoop earring and flasy gemstone rings! His Aunt Vanessa also taught him some good pirate quotes like, "Where's me booty?" and "Walk the plank!" along with ones he already knew like, "Aye, matey!" and a mean sounding, "Argh!" He was pretty cute. The same day that he decided he was going to be a pirate, he also decided that Ella would be his parrot. So the whole theme was his idea and we all had a lot of fun with it!

Short Hair = Boy???

2007-10-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Usually, I politely ignore the innocent mistake of people referring to Ella as a boy. While it never seems to make sense to me how they come to this conclusion, it never bothers me. However, yesterday three people in one store, on one day seemed to think she was a boy. I don't see many little boys wearing entirely pink outfits with pink blankets, but whatever.

That's not really the part that is bothering me about this. It's the fact that everyone who mistakes her for a boy and then finds out otherwise (usually being corrected by her rather forward brother), always seem to make a comment about her hair being short and that's why she looks like a boy. What??

Is is just me, or do most six month olds have short hair? I've rarely seen a baby with long, flowing tendrils of hair - besides that, even if that is the case, most of the time those are little boys with mothers that just haven't had the heart to cut their hair yet. So, needless to say, I can't figure out this mentality of short hair = boy, long hair = girl.
I think some people just aren't very clued-in with that sort of thing - that babies just look like babies, which is why we dress them in all pink or all blue to give them some sort of distinguishing characteristic.

It reminds me of an old country man in Home Depot that came up to Elijah and me when he was just a few months old. Elijah was sitting in his all-blue carseat carrier, wearing a blue onesie and blue socks and not really resembling me at all and this man looks us over and says, "She looks just like her mama!" That still makes me laugh.

More Elijah Quotes

2007-10-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Ella."

"Alright, alright! I get your point!" (I'm definitely not a fan of this one, and while I'm correcting the tone and attitude here, his dad is laughing. Most attitude-laced comments get a laugh from dad and a mental slap from mom)

"Let's rock n' roll!"

"Ella's making baby noises and keeps waking me up."

"Did you have a good day at work, Daddy."

"Hey, dad. What's up?"

Transformation

2007-09-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what has taken place in Elijah's little head, but he has gone through a bit of a transformation over the past few months. I'm not sure if it's delayed stress/anxiety over Ella being here, or if he's just ready to be in a school environment with more structure, or if he's going through some weird developmental changes. What I do know is that he seems to have developed this alter-ego thing that comes out every once in a while. Half the time I'm talking to him it's as if he's gone deaf. The other half of the time he looks at me with this mad-man look, crosses his arms and outright defies me. Or he just cries and says that he's so sad. It's almost like he's going through weird emotional hormonal changes which I wasn't really expecting to have to deal with for at least 8 more years or so.
So, I'm curious. I've never really done this, but I'm looking for some feedback and opinions from blog-land out there. He's certainly not out of control or having serious issues with his behavior, and I definitely don't feel like we need a housecall from Nanny 911. I'm just curious about other mom's experiences. So let me know what you think.
It's probably just my first sign of him becoming more and more independent in thought and action. I know he's probably just doing that toddler testing game most of the time, but my job all of a sudden got a lot harder since he expects a logical (in his toddler mind) explanation for every single thing that I tell him to do or not do. And then he'll try to reason with me and explain things his way. I guess I should be thakful that he has such an active and intelligent mind, but to answer his own question to me, "mommy, am I wearing you out?" Yes.

Great Quotes from Elijah Winston

2007-09-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

"Can you carry me? I think I broke my leg.

"But, mommy, you're not listening to me very well."

"Can you stop singing that? It's annoying me."

"I call you mom and I call your husband dad."

"I'm not Tony Romo, I'm just a boy named Elijah."

"I'm kind of sad that Jesus had to die and our baby Eveyn. But we'll see them both tomorrow."

????

2007-09-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not real sure what we've gotten ourselves into, but I think we're about to get ourselves out of it.

Tonight was Elijah's first t-ball practice. This was something we were looking forward to and excited about, but during practice and the few hours following, our opinions changed. After putting the kids to bed, I came to Gavin and told him that I couldn't shake the feeling that I had made a mistake signing Elijah up for t-ball, and Gavin told me that he too was having issues with the whole idea. So, after discussing it tonight, I will be calling the city rec department to see about a refund. And just to clarify before explaining it further, there was no "incident" that occurred, and Elijah had a great time.

So, here's the deal. I would say three things really struck me tonight as I watched my son participate in his first organized sports team.

1. My son, who just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago and still hasn't figured out potty-training, is being "coached" on how to be a good baseball player - I mean really, he's still in diapers! It seems absured to be trying to figure out baseball fundamentals.
2. There were three kids having tantrums because they were already worn out and confused beyond belief 30 minutes into it and they didn't want to play anymore. But of course, they were not given any relief, only made to pointlessly push through their exhaustion. Again, seriously, we're talking about three year olds.
3. I didn't start playing basketball until I was ten years old, and I didn't even start learning actual fundamentals until eleven or twelve years old. But I still had plenty of time to develop those skills as much as I wanted to and have many enjoyable years of playing and learning.

I was just so struck tonight at the rush to competitiveness and skill (I was shocked to listen to a grandfather be so hard on his grandson and then apologize to the coach that this little boy didn't do as well as he should have - so very sad). There is no doubt that Elijah loves any and all sports, and he has a natural ability with most of it. I think he'll be playing some type of sport for most of his life - but is it really necessary to get him on that strict, competitive road now? Again - he's THREE! He is perfectly happy playing his own brand of baseball of having Gavin pitch to him, knocking the ball across the yard, running his bases and then tackling his dad. Instead of having a "coach" perfect his grip, trying to learn how to hit off of a t-ball stand (because he's used to being pitched to - isn't this a step backwards?), and then having ten grown men yelling at him in order to "guide" him around the bases. And then they don't even keep score! Talk about confusing!

So, the current consensus in our family - organized sports when Elijah decides for himself that he wants to and is ready to participate, not when his parent's (mom) decide for him that it would be fun and good for him. It's just another example of making him grow up too fast. I know that he has so many years in front of him to be involved in the craziness of team sports, and I don't want to someday look back on these few years of freedom, creativity, and imagination with regret that I didn't allow him to keep it and live through it with as much individuality as possible.

Smells

2007-09-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I just put Ella to bed a little bit ago, and I caught a whiff of dried slobber coming off of my shoulder. I turned my nose closer and pulled that part of my shirt up to take in a big sniff and told myself that I don't ever want to forget that smell. She just has the sweetest smell to her breath and drool! It's kind of like puppy breath, but better. I also realized that there are several other smells that I hope I never forget.
I love the smell of Elijah's head and hair. Even when it's dirty, it just has this distinctive "Elijah" smell that I could breathe in all day (although he let me know he was done with my cuddling the other day by telling me that superheros don't cuddle - who would've known!). Amazingly, I also hope I always remember how his faithful blanket smells. It has this dirty, musty smell that tells you that it has been everywhere Elijah has been over the last couple of years - even after it's been washed. I already have plans to adopt this much-loved blanket once (if) Elijah ever decides he's done with it. It's a pretty special blanket.
I can also remember the way Eveyn smelled. It may seem kind of strange for me to describe it, but it's what it is. She really had the very distinctive smell of a newborn baby that was never really given a bath. She never really got clean, so she had a somewhat strong, and a little bit sweet smell to her. I still love it and can still even smell it when I see her pictures and open the little box I have of her hospital items. A couple of weeks after she was born, I walked past a flowerbed that had been newly mulched/fertalized and strangely, it smelled just like Eveyn. Weird - but it makes me thankful that I might get to smell her again someday while walking past a flowerbed!
I don't know if other people are this way, but I depend very heavily on my sense of smell. It seems like almost everything I smell either reminds me of something, takes me back to another time in my life, or makes me hopeful of something to come. I think I could do without my sight or hearing, but if I couldn't bury my nose in Ella's neck, Elijah's head or Gavin's chest, I think I would lose a vital connection to them. It's an amazing thing to think about - what a cool thing God has given us to enjoy!

Colorado

2007-08-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from Colorado. We had a really good time - it was so nice to get away from the Texas heat for a while! Both kids did a great job traveling and adjusting to being away from home - they are such great kids! A couple of Elijah's favorite activities were throwing rocks down mountains and chasing after Bachelor, the resident dog. We had a small birthday celebration for him on our last day, and one of his requests for his birthday was to ride the ski lift again (the last picture). That was probably one of my hightlights of the trip - just the two of us rode the lift up to the top of the mountain while enjoying the peace and beauty around us, and then went on a couple of mini-hikes once at the top. Then we rode back down and had some more peaceful, quiet conversation. I really cherish those times I have with him!
We are all happy to be home, back in our regular routines, but still recouperating from the travel -our first Monday back has been kind of a lazy day so far!

First Signs

2007-08-27T07:38:00.001-07:00

Here is the first sign that football season is starting. Last night they watched a few minutes of a pre-season game before bed. This will soon be the regular posture of our family, with the occassional pounce and tackle by Elijah. I'm looking forward to it!

Bennett's Site

2007-08-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Please pray for this sweet little boy who is fighting for his life. Gavin and I went to ACU with his parents. Please check out his site to see pics and journal updates by his parents. Thank you!!
http://www.totsites.com/tot/bennettmitchell

Big Foot

2007-08-23T14:22:00.001-07:00

When I was pregnant with Elijah, my grandma gave me a little piece of information that I took as folklore. However, what I thought to be a very odd and improbable side-effect of pregnancy, has repeatedly become a painful fact in my life: my already big feet have grown half a size with each pregnancy. And I don't mean they swell up and then return to their normal size; I mean they have permanantly grown and changed.
Before Elijah I wore a size 10, sometimes 9 1/2. After Elijah, that possible 9 1/2 flew out the window, never to return. And I have subsequently worked my way up to a size 11! (That's really difficult and embarrassing for me to share)
But now I have an even bigger problem-I want more kids.
So what does this mean for my feet? I guess it means they will keep growing and it will become even more difficult for me to find shoes. And I'll probably be sharing shoes with Gavin someday. So I suppose this will just be added to the long list of weird and annoying physical sacrifices made in order to bring those beautiful kids into my life.

Big Foot

2007-08-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

Missing Child

2007-08-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've realized over the past couple of weeks that I have really been longing for Eveyn. I'm not sure if it's because Ella has reached an age where her personality is really starting to show up which makes me wonder and think about what Eveyn would be like, or if I'm just going through one of those phases that will come and go for the rest of my life just as a natural part of grieving.

Either way, I find myself thinking about her more than usual which just intensifies the strange feeling that I've had ever since we left the hospital without her - that one of my kids is missing. On a pretty regular basis, I have the nagging feeling that I've forgotten a kid at the house, or at the store when I leave. Even after I look in the backseat and see Elijah and Ella, both car seats full, I double and triple check because I can't shake the feeling that one of them is missing. And I always come to the conclusion that it's Eveyn that's not there.

Sometimes that realization hits me pretty hard - I have a child that is not with me, I have no choice in the matter, and I can do nothing to change it. Amazing. As a mom, that natural instinct to be able to take care of your child is a very helpless feeling not to be able to fulfill. Even though I know that Eveyn is in perfect peace and I have absolutely nothing to worry about, that need to be a physical presence in her life still strikes me at times.

These thoughts always take my mind back to two moments that I'll never forget. The first of those times occurred in the hospital about 5 hours after Eveyn was born. After family visits, nurse and doctor visits, private time for just Gavin and me, and an insufficient bath for Eveyn, the nurse came back in the room and asked if we were ready. How do you ever say that you are "ready" to never see your child again? I knew when I gave her to the nurse, I would never see, feel, or smell her little body again. Somehow God gave me the strength to be able to hand Eveyn over.

The second moment occurred eight days later when Eveyn was buried. When the service was over, I could have stayed by her side the rest of the day and into the night. Even now, when I hear a particular song on Elijah's bedtime CD, I always picture myself sitting with her through the night in the cemetery. I think the only thing that allowed me to leave was the fact that I knew we had a chapel full of people waiting for us for the rest of the service. But again, I found myself asking how do I say that I'm ready to leave? How in the world do I walk away from my little baby being left all by herself out there? But again, God gave me the strength and the ability.

Because of this same feeling, I am torn every time I think about going to the cemetery to spend some time. While I know only her physical body is there, it's just the closest I can get to her. I think this feeling will fade over time, but sometimes I just have an overwhelming need as her mom to be physically close to her. But the struggle I have in doing that is the leaving. I hate leaving her again and again - so I just usually don't go and remind myself that going to the cemetery does nothing for Eveyn. It brings her no comfort or peace and nothing I do or don't do will have any effect on her. She is perfect.

What amazes me is that I'm coming to the realization that I'll probably be processing this over and over and over for years and years to come. It also amazes me that I know all of the logical steps of Eveyn's life-death-life, but the imperfect, emotional, physical part of me will struggle with this loss for the rest of my life.

So I have come to the conclusion that, at least for a while, I will always feel that I have a child that has been left behind somewhere. And at least for a while, I will think that I see a little dark-haired kid Eveyn's age running through the house only to realize nothing is there. But probably as long as I'm alive I will see pictures of my family as incomplete and I will long to see, feel and smell Eveyn again someday.

Let the Games Begin!

2007-08-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

As of today, Elijah has officially entered the world of team sports. I was so excited to find that the city rec department starts teams for kids at three years of age, where most organizations start at five years. Yesterday was the first day of registration, and now Elijah is on a city t-ball team! I really can't express how excited I am about this! Not because I feel like I need to get him involved in everything possible as soon as possible, but because he has been really craving this for at least the last year. He is a kid that all day long switches his activity from baseball to basketball to football to golf to soccer to hocky to tennis back to baseball-and I'm not exaggerating in the least. He'll take an occassional break to read books or play with his cars and trucks, but it's always back to sports.
So, needless to say, Elijah is pretty excited to get to play on a team. And I feel like I've entered a new realm in the parenting world. There's something about all of this that takes away Elijah's toddler-ness and turns him into a little boy with a real social life outside of church and home. It makes him seem so much older all of a sudden - thankfully I can still count on the lack of potty-training to keep him in the toddler world a little while longer. Although, I'm pretty positive I would be okay with him growing up as much as he needs to in order to get out of diapers -there's something that just doesn't seem right about him running the bases in a diaper!

New Pics

2007-06-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

In case you can't tell, Ella is underneath the basketball. One of Elijah's many attempts to play with his sister. She's getting tough!

I love the way he looks at her. He's a great big brother.

This is just Elijah being Elijah.

These couple of pictures were actually taken by a good friend of ours at our home when Ella was about four weeks old. Aren't they beautiful?!

Just wanted to post some recent pics of the family. Elijah is really becoming adjusted to Ella these days - instead of screaming at her when she crys, he will either check on her and try to help her or he has even become able ignore and tune her out! Great progress! He is very sweet with her and really has started smothering her with his affection - always telling her how much he loves her and how cute she is while rolling around/on top of her. He gets kind of crazy, but it's very sweet.

I also have to share what he told me yesterday out of the blue. He just turned and looked at me and said, "Mommy, you are my favorite, best mommy."

Ella is now 10 weeks old and really starting to talk more and smile a lot. She really responds a lot to Elijah's voice and face, which is really cute. She talks to both of us quite a bit through the day and is usually in a pretty good mood. She is always very happy and talkative first thing in the morning when she wakes up, which I love. The most difficult time we have is being in the carseat. She really tends to hate it after being in it for about 5 minutes. Elijah was like that too, though so it gives me hope that she will probably get used to it at some point.

So, in general, everyone is doing very well and we're enjoying our blessings together.

Little Tidbits of Life

2007-06-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share a few tidbits of our life over the past couple of weeks.

This is a picture of Rigaud. He is a pastor in Haiti that we hosted at our home for the weekend, and he and Elijah became instant great friends. It was so much fun to have him in our home and to learn from him and allow Elijah that experience and new friend!

Elijah saw a Blue Man Group bit on the Today show and he thought it was the coolest thing ever - because they were blue and playing the drums with paint splattering everywhere. So, later we decided to paint (I had long forgotten about the "blue guys") and Elijah decided he was going to become the newest member of the group. Seriously - that was his intention the whole time - to be a "blue guy." So, I had to take a picture of him.

I thought this was the cutest picture - Ella's little frog legs.

We found this strange disk in our back yard, apparently thrown over by a neighbor, and Elijah decided to wear it as a hat. I thought it was pretty funny because he looks like the paintings of baby Jesus with a halo over his head in all of those super-old paintings.

Elijah thought it would be a great idea to put his old, too-small boots on Ella, so he did. He thought it was pretty entertaining, and so did I. This was a game that lasted a good ten minutes!

And, finally, this is what I found when I came back in the living room after being gone for about two minutes. If you can't tell, Elijah had climbed into Ella's pack-n-play with her to hang out. He loves his baby sister.

Amazing Love

2007-06-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

I love this picture and I just wanted to share it. I've discovered that an amazing thing happens with your kids. When they're born, you realize that you've never known how instant and unconditional love can be. But the truly amazing part is that with each day, as they get older, you realize that you have literally watched them grow and develop from day one as they become these little people, and you grow to love them even more and much deeper than you did the first day you met them. This love as a parent is truly a miraculous thing.

I didn't think it was possible to love Elijah more than I did the day he was born, but that love has grown immensely over the past three years. And then I was stunned and knocked off my feet with that same intensity in my sadness when Eveyn died. I never knew I could love so much with Elijah and I never knew I could hurt so much with Eveyn. And now, we have Ella.

The love and the capacity to love just grows and grows. I certainly don't love Ella any more than I love Elijah, but I think my ability to love has just gotten bigger with each kid. I feel like I can love better and freer now than when Elijah was first born. Does this make sense? Maybe my feelings also have a lot to do with going through the experience of losing a child and also going through the process of dealing with a long history of depression. I don't know - all I know is that I love my three children immeasurably more than I ever thought I could and the thought of having more makes me smile inside (but not yet). If the love seems to increase each time, I can't imagine not having any more. I'll let you know when the fourth comes along - but no big announcements here - like I said before, not yet!

It's Inevitable

2007-06-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I swore I wouldn't allow it to happen, but Ella now has a little blanket that says Princess Ella (which I think is really cute) and this picture (which I think is absolutely adorable). So, I've realized something - there is a big difference between calling your little girl a princess and raising her like one. So, I'm no longer scared of the "p word" and I think my little girl looks beautiful in her tiara!

Sleep!

2007-06-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ella has officially been sleeping through the night for a week now! Yes, that's right - Elijah slept through the night at five weeks old and now Ella is sleeping through the night at seven weeks old. I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself for either having the skills to teach my kids how to sleep or for passing on the sleeping gene to them.
Anyone who knows me well knows that there are few things I like more than a very long night of sleep. I love, love, love to sleep. And now, I am ecstatic that I am getting to do it for 7-8 hours at a time each night! If it were not for my little early-riser, Elijah, I would probably be getting about 9 hours each night. But I suppose I shouldn't complain, should I? Not only am I getting a full night of sleep, but most of the time when Elijah wakes me up in the morning, it is with a sweet little voice that says, "mommy, can you please move over so I can lay down with you?" He will then lay in bed with me for the next 20-30 minutes trying to gently wake me up - because he also knows that I love to sleep. He has even learned a few tactics to try to tempt me out of bed once he gets bored: he gets my robe for me, brings me my cell phone and pulls the covers off of me. At some point when all of these tactics fail, his gentleness will subside and he will completely lose all patience with me, which pushes me to the point of guilt that makes me finally get out of bed.
I realize that by admitting these morning rituals I am making myself very vulnerable to criticism from others. However, I know that just because I am a mom that loves to sleep, that I cannot survive on less than seven hours of sleep, and that my two year old has to drag me out of bed in the morning, it does not mean that I am a bad mom. Besides that, this all takes place anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30 am. It's not like I'm laying in bed with the covers over my head at 10:00. So don't try to make me feel bad about teaching my son some responsibility by having him help me start my day!
So, Vanessa, there is hope for you too! Just teach your kids from the very beginning that "mommy sleeping" is a normal part of their life, and be thankful that your kids will probably inherit the same great sleeping habits as you!
Sweet dreams everyone!

First Shopping Trip

2007-04-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Ella and I had our first shopping outing together on Thursday. It was just the two of us, and we had a great time. We had the whole day together because Elijah was in Plano with Gavin's parents, so I decided it would be a great time to venture out on our own without any chaparones (don't misunderstand - I love the help and company, but my independence really needed to be practiced at this point!)
So, what better place to have a first shopping trip than Target. It has always been one of my favorite stores, and I have spent many, many entertaining hours with great friends there, and I felt like I needed to share that with Ella. Like usual, it was a very pleasant and relaxing time and I'm looking forward to many more trips like that in the future. (And just in case Elijah is reading this - I absolutely love going to Target with him too. We have had many wonderful and fun hours together there - you just can't beat a good hot pretzel and lemonade!)

Another great part of the outing was the first real use of my Hot Sling! It kind of makes me feel like a kangaroo, but it is so awesome to carry Ella so close to me and so comfortably, and have complete freedom with both my hands. Plus, this allows me to not have to carry in and deal with her carseat carrier. It is the greatest thing ever!

I Need to Move On

2007-04-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

I realized something major last week during my nightly routine of sitting on the edge of Elijah's bed while he drifts off to sleep. It was an emotional time anyway because I was also sitting there holding little 5 day old Ella in my arms. But it just hit me like a bolt of lightning - my baby was no longer my baby. As I sat there staring at his adorable profile against his pillow and surrounded by about 25 stuffed animals, I realized that the new baby I was holding was a replacement baby. Of course, not in the sense that one child could ever replace another, but in the sense that Ella is now the "baby" and Elijah is now the "big brother." This realization made me very sad and made me feel like I had to say goodbye to a certain part of Elijah that I was not ready to say goodbye to. So, I was at this point an emotional mess sitting in his dark room, trying not to wake him up with the sound of sniffing and wiping snot.
And then, I was led to a second realization - that I had prevented him from moving on and joining in the normal activities of his peers - namely preschool and potty training. So the emotional blubbering just intensified as I laid this massive guilt trip on myself. At some point I finally pulled myself together enough so that I wouldn't look quite so pathetic when I re-amerged. I decided that I would have to call upon Gavin to keep me accountable in order to allow myself and Elijah to move on to bigger and better things like big boy underwear and being in the care of strangers for a day or two a week.
I've never thought of myself as over-protective, but I'm starting to realize that the first day of kindergarten might really be hell for me. Maybe my main concern should be that he's out of diapers by then.

Just some cute pics of Gavin and Elijah

2007-04-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

Some Scenes from the Hospital 4/5 - 4/6

2007-04-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Ella Grace

2007-04-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm just now putting a picture of Ella on here since she is already two weeks old. For those who haven't seen her, here she is! She was born Thursday April 5 at 9:36 am. I cannot express how thankful and excited we are that she is finally with us. It's overwhelming!

I am also so thankful that she is a constant reminder to us of our little Eveyn. She resembles Eveyn so much, but at the same time she is definitely her own little person. What a blessing to have been given a gift like this after saying goodbye to Eveyn just one year ago. Our gratefulness is inexpressible!

I will be posting more very soon!

My Protector

2007-03-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

Elijah has taken some advice to heart lately. Every day when Gavin leaves the house for work, he tells Elijah to make sure and take care of me and watch out for me during the day. And Elijah always agrees to do so. Well, today I saw his care and concern in action. We were in Costco grocery shopping and Elijah spotted another mom with her 4 or 5 year old son. He proceeded to sternly look at this kid and say, "Hey boy, this is my mommy." I guess this little boy looked threatening in some way. I'm just grateful he was there to protect me!

On a side note, he has also gotten very interested in all of the crazy mayflies that are everywhere. So much so, that when he feels an itch or gets something like a hair or little piece of food in his mouth, he blames it on the mayflies : "I have a mayfly in my mouth." "There's a mayfly flying inside my ear."

Listen Up!

2007-03-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

This may just be some ranting from someone who has been pregnant for the last 26 out of 41 months, but I have a couple of requests from those of you who are not pregnant.

1. Out of courtesy, or just the kindness of your heart, when standing in a long line at a public restroom, if you see a woman who is obviously pregnant, feel free to offer her your place in line, or to cut in front of you. Maybe this thought will help - although you really have to use the restroom, keep in mind that not only do I really have to use the restroom also, but I have a 5 lb baby head-butting my bladder and pushing out a little urine every time this happens. I am literally about to wet my pants - it doesn't just feel like it.

2. When curious about how far along someone is from their due date, please be kind-hearted enough to not make any facial expressions that say, "wow, she's huge!" And if you're honest enough to actually speak instead of making an annoying face, please attempt to be a little tactful in what you say. Things like, "really? wow, 4 more weeks is a long time" or "oh! so you actually still have a while to go!" are not taken very well. First of all, I know much better than you how pregnant I am - there is no need to call my attention to it. Second, 4 weeks is not long at all, especially when you consider how long I've been pregnant. And third, it's just rude.
So, my advice would be to really try instead to call attention to the positive side of being this pregnant: "wow! how excited you must be to be so close to having your baby here!" or "you look wonderful! Congratulations!" or "that t-shirt is really cute, and I just love those sweats and flip flops!" (this last one is kind of a joke, but you get my point). Pregnant women don't hear nice things about themselves often enough if ever, so I would encourage you to change that trend.
I have a wonderful friend that every time I see her she tells me how wonderful I look, and I can't tell you how much that brightens my day and lifts me up. Just try to see pregnancy for what it is - allowing a child to grow and develop inside of another human body, preparing itself for life outside of that comfortable and secure womb. It's a beautiful miracle, not just a huge woman wearing overly casual clothes.

What's Up With Crazy Parents?!?

2007-03-03T13:35:00.000-08:00

I recently had the privilage of going with Elijah and my mom to his first concert - Elmo Makes Music. As far as kid things go, this was actually somewhat entertaining and realistically short. Basically, I didn't feel like I was being tortured for three hours.
The only thing that was a real beating to me was watching and listening to the other parents and grandparents that were there with their kids. I think I witnessed for the first time, on a mass scale, how uninterested, impatient, annoyed, and mean adults can act toward children. It really was overwhelming to me, and sad. Why do any of them choose to take their kid to something like this if they're just going to be overwhelmed and ticked off the whole time and take it out on their kid? It just made me want to host a parenting class during the intermission and tell these parents that it doesn't have to be that way. This isn't to say that I think I'm the best parent in the world - I know plenty of places that I can make improvements, and no one will ever make all the right decisions with their children. But it made me realize that I think Gavin and I do a pretty good job and we've got a great kid. And it makes me thankful for all of the training that I have had and the complete dedication that Gavin has to being the best parent that he can be.
So, in the future I really look forward to taking our kids to various concerts and performances like this one, and maybe hand out pamphlets on ten ways to not be such a beating to your kids.

Mavs #1 Fan!

2007-02-26T13:58:00.000-08:00

Check him out! This headband is the latest addition in Elijah's Mavs wardrobe. It came in the mail two days ago since joining the Mavs Kids Club, and he has been wearing it ever since. And the shirt and shorts he has on, he's been wearing every day since Feb. 20 (it's been washed since then). The only day he hasn't worn it was yesterday when we went to church. It is an outfit that my mom brought back for him from Las Vegas - she happened to be there during the All-Star game and got him All-Star shorts and a jersey. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's the best thing that's happened in his life so far.

IPod

2007-02-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

I couldn't remember if I had posted this before, but I came across the picture and I wanted to put it on here. Elijah loves playing with q-tips and floss from our bathroom. The floss, he actually uses to floss his teeth, but the q-tips are used to make an ipod. He always sticks the q-tips in his ears and says he's listening to daddy's ipod. And then he proceeds to dance and bang on his drums. I hope he never gives up on his drum playing - I love it!

Eli Kisses

2007-01-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

This is the face I get to see several times a day. How could you ever resist those lips? Today he was extra sweet with me, snuggling up with me while we had lunch with a friend and saying, "I love you mommy". At one point he leaned over to me with these lips you see here and said, "kiss me, mommy." Another one of my favorites that I actually hear several times a day is, "I want to be with you, mommy." I can't complain - he just melts your heart.

Actually...

2007-01-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Elijah's two new phrases that he uses crack me up. He says, actually and by the way. The crazy thing is that he uses them correctly in his sentences. For instance, he may say, "actually, mommy, I want juice, not milk." Or the other day he told me, "by the way, mommy, Nemo was on tv today." He never stops amazing me with his vocabulary and sentence structure. I think he may have better grammar than I do.

SNOW!!

2007-01-18T20:14:00.000-08:00

Amazingly, we have been hit with some winter weather. Gavin got to stay home from work so we had some fun play time in the snow. We made a teeny-tiny snowman that Elijah thought was awesome, but I think his favorite part of the snow was eating it. He was kind of like a little cow just grazing through the back yard trying the snow from each area. It was very exciting, and we were happy to have daddy home to share it with us.

Eveyn and Ella

2007-01-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

Just writing the title of this post gives me very bitter-sweet feelings. I've never put our two daughters together like that, or really thought of them as sisters together. It's so overwhelming to think of - if we had Eveyn here with us, would we have Ella now? Or is Ella purely the result of us losing Eveyn? Would they have ever been sisters here on this earth in God's plan? It's unbelieveable how many questions go through my mind on a daily basis. I never stop thinking about all of my children and their relationship to one another and to Gavin and me. It's amazing and a wonder to think about.
During this past week, we have gotten down all of Eveyn's things from the attic that she never got to use - bedding, clothes, carseat, toys, etc. We are beginning to prepare now for Ella's arrival in early April. I am now re-washing all of the clothes that were meant for Eveyn, but now her little sister will use. And we are now re-teaching Elijah what it's going to mean to have a little sister in his house.
I thought I would be more sad than I have been as I go through this whole process, but it's more of a feeling of awe and wonder. I can't really describe it very well. But I have realized what a gift Eveyn has been to her sister Ella. She has provided Ella with so many things - beyond the clothes and toys. Because of what we've experienced as a family in the last nine months since losing our daughter and sister, Ella will be so much more enriched by it. As a family, we have experienced so much love, grace and peace from God that we never would have been able to come in contact with on the same level as we have now. I know that we have such an unquenchable appreciation and desire for our relationship with God and the people in our lives that we didn't have before. And now we will be able to share this with Ella. All because of Eveyn and our life experience with her. She is an incredibly special little girl, and I am so thankful to have her influence in our lives.

I'm Back

2007-01-15T13:19:00.000-08:00

I know I have received many comments from people stating that I haven't put anything on my blog in sooooo long. I realize this - thank you for telling me. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's been tough for me to write when so many things are on my mind at once. I am completely enthralled by Elijah and all of the new things he does and funny things he says, and I would love to be able to share every single one of them with everyone. I am also still very much in the process of sorting through all of the multitude of feelings and emotions of not having Eveyn here with us, while also anticipating the birth of Ella in just a couple of short months. So, my mind has been a little jammed up, which makes is difficult for me to convey any of my thoughts to anyone other than God. Thankfully, he understands me even when I don't quite understand myself.
However, now that I am through the Thanksgiving/Christmas season - which proved to be much harder than I anticipated - I am moving toward a more peaceful state of mind and heart. (It has been a long couple of months). My emotions aren't rumbling up quite so much and my head is much clearer now that the rediculousness of the holidays are over.
All this to say, I plan on writing much more entries much more frequently now that I have had some time off.

700 Q-Tip Pick-Up

2006-09-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever gotten to play this game? If not, you are missing out. If you are unfamiliar with it, let me tell you about it.
The best time for this game to take place is when you are unable to really get to your toddler - say for instance you decide you HAVE to take a shower today, so you lock both yourself and your toddler in your bedroom while you take a 5 minute shower. Of course, you could get to him in a real emergency, but 700 Q-Tip Pick-up isn't an emergency - even if it is extremely annoying. So, basically while you are attempting to wash your hair and your body fast enough to prevent any other fun toddler games from happening, you realize that your very excited two year old is frantically shaking a massive Costco-size box of Q-tips all over the bathroom. Once he has completed this task, he then begins to clean out his ears with every Q-tip he can get his hands on - because he hears you making annoying empty threats from within the shower, and he knows his freedom will soon come to an end. So, the game continues even after I emerge from the shower because I am really not interested in squatting down to help him while I am unclothed and dripping with water. And now he realizes he's getting an extra three minutes of freedom, so he begins wildly running through the Q-tips to spread them out even more all over my filthy bathroom floor - which is another issue altogether.
Once I'm finally dressed, he's already had so much Q-tip fun, that it's almost impossible to really gain control of this situation - he's just so excited about his masterpiece that he's created. Because of this, it takes about half an hour to clean them all up, which he amazingly makes into another frustrating game of throwing handfuls of Q-tips into about a 3-inch opening in the box, or picking them up one by one and putting them away in slow motion. Is this kid already mocking me??
So, after way too many motherly cliche's that I thought I'd never hear myself saying, and a couple of time-outs, we both went on with our day happy that he had such a fun time with the Q-tips.

Too Many Memories?

2006-09-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know about the rest of you parents out there, but I definitely love to capture my memories of my family on film. Whether it's pictures or video, I feel like if I don't get it on some type of film, it will probably be forgotten. Especially now with all of the editing you can do and deleting of pictures from your camera, there's no such thing as a "wasted picture" anymore. However, Gavin stays a little annoyed at me because of this.
Take for instance the picture above. I took this when Gavin and Elijah were playing a game called "camp-out" where they pretend the blanket is their tent, and they listen for animal noises. But Gavin claims that my picture taking interrupts the actual "memory" that I'm trying to capture because when Eli sees me get up and come back with a camera, he usually stops what he's doing and just wants to see the camera. But after much encouragement and hiding of the camera, I was able to convince him to go back to his camp-out with daddy. So, I can understand Gavin's point of view - I tend to mess up a lot of their time together for the sake of a Kodak moment. But, I really want those pictures because I have such a bad memory I know I'll forget all of this day-to-day stuff that goes on. And if I didn't get the camera, we wouldn't have this really cute picture of the two of them playing - is this selfish of me?
Besides, it's not all my fault either. I can't really help it that Elijah keeps his mommy radar on at all times. No matter where I am in the house, he will locate me within five seconds if he feels it is necessary. And he can sense it when I leave the room even if he can't see me because he's sitting under a blanket. It can be kind of creepy sometimes.
I think my solution is going to be to just keep taking pictures and keep filming - hopefully Elijah will just get so used to it that he won't care anymore and he'll just ignore me.
And then I'll have to figure out what to do about the fact that he ignores me.

Mommy

2006-06-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while it occurs to me how awesome it is that I have a little person in my life that calls me "mommy." I think it's the most wonderful sound in the world to me. I love hearing "mommy up" first thing in the morning and "hi mommy" as we're going through our day and passing by eachother in the house. I just think it's so cool that I am able to be someone's mommy. It's got to be one of the best gifts I've been given in my life and I am forever thankful for it.

Praise You In This Storm

2006-06-16T18:58:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us."

I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
My Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

Six Weeks

2006-06-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday, Eveyn would have been six weeks old. I have found myself thinking about her constantly over the past couple of days, wondering what she would be doing and what she would look like at this point. I look at the pictures of Elijah when he was that age, and judging by how she looked when she was born, I can't help but think that she would look very similar to Elijah. Her thick black hair would probably be starting to fall out wherever she laid her head to sleep. She may even be sleeping through the night like Elijah was at this point. But then again, she may have been keeping me up all night long with collick. What I wouldn't give to hear her screaming all night.
I miss being able to hear those beautiful little breathy sounds when she tries to talk to me. And the drunk look on her face that comes with a full belly. But most of all I just wonder what she would look like with her eyes focused in on mine as she begins to make those first little smiles. I would love to see her toothless smile right now.
I've heard that the first year after a loved one dies is the hardest. To experience all of the holidays and special dates for the first time without that person is like experiencing their death all over again; and that really is how I've felt the last couple of days. I can't stop thinking about what Eveyn would be doing through each hour of the day, how she would be interacting with Elijah, and how I would be juggling the two of them together. I guess eventhough it's only been six weeks, I'm surprised when it all of a sudden gets so hard not to have Eveyn here.
I can only rest in God's promises and divine knowledge and understanding for the life of my family. After all, it's not really my life or my family. It's his; and he has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it while I'm here on this earth.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... Plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

A First

2006-06-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

Okay - this is a picture of the fire truck leaving our house this morning. I had to take a picture to commemorate our first call to 911 for Elijah. Before anyone gets concerned - he's fine.
But, he did lock himself in the house today as I was unloading groceries from the car. Normally, I leave my keys in my pocket "just in case," but today I didn't. They were inside along with my cell phone. Thankfully, my good friend Lizzie was only about 20 minutes from the house anyway, so I just waited for her to get there to use her phone. While I waited I tried to talk Elijah through instructions to unlock the door, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even now how he locked it in the first place, so my instructions were not helpful. But it was getting a little comical listening to him yell at me through the door as if I was the one that locked him in.
Finally Lizzie arrived and I first attempted to call Gavin at work for him to come home and unlock the door. After about 4 tries, I gave up and called my mom. She wasn't at home and was not able to come help me either. So, she told me to just call 911. So, I decided that was my best option since I didn't know how promptly a locksmith would get there.
When I called 911 the dispatcher told me that the firemen could take care of it, but they would have to use forced entry, which means I would then be paying for a busted door or window. At that information, my first thought was, "Gavin's going to kill me." So, as I hear the sirens start up (the fire station is only a couple of miles from the house) I made a last ditch effort to get into the house. Amazingly, I found our bedroom window unlocked. So, in my excitement I hurridly threw the screen off, pushed open the window, and pushed away the oversized chair that was sitting in front of the window as if it weighed no more than a throw pillow. I wasn't expecting to see Elijah standing in my dark room watching me and he wasn't expecting to see his mom crawling through the window, so we scared each other to death. We looked at each other with the same surprised expression while he said, "mommy?" and I said, "Elijah!" I still don't know if he was more relieved to see me or just confused as to why I locked him inside only to come get him 30 minutes later through my bedroom window.
So, no broken doors or windows, and better yet, no injured toddlers!
And, the very friendly firemen came out anyway just to double check and make sure we were all okay.
Hey, at least he was locked inside his own nice, cool house and not the car! See Gavin, it could always be worse!

Cutest Kid in the World

2006-06-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... everyone thinks their kid is the cutest. But look at this picture! This was taken in Ft. Worth when Gavin and I took Elijah to see the cattle drive and walk the cattle pin maze. It was the first time we were really able to enjoy a family day with each other after Eveyn was born. It was a great get-away day for us!

Car Wash

2006-06-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Elijah and I went to wash my car today. He was excited to go and "wash mommy's car," but when we pulled up to the station, he got worried and started saying, "all done." We go to a drive-thru wash by our house that you don't get out of the car for, and he's never been too sure about all of the noise of the wash. As I was putting the money in to the automated woman on the touch screen, Elijah started to become more and more concerned. And I started to reassure him more and more. As we pulled up to the opening of the car wash, I looked back at him to tell him it was going to be okay and he looked at me, reached out his hand and said, "hand mommy." So I reached back and held his hand the whole way through the car wash until he bravely let go of me as we exited the other side.
The majority of my days are filled with thoughts that Elijah is growing up too fast and becoming old enough to where he doesn't need me as much as he used to. So I was thankful today for those three minutes that he desperately needed me in order to make it through the car wash.

Name Change

2006-06-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

I've decided to change the name of my blog because although we lost Eveyn, it just doesn't feel right for the blog name to remain all about Elijah. While Eveyn is not physically with us every day the way Elijah is, she is just as much a part of our family and our home as he is. I plan on writing about her and her influence on our family from time to time, so I needed the blog to reflect that in the name. So, welcome to Casa de Pate. Mi casa es su casa!

2006-06-05T18:24:00.000-07:00

Eveyn Elizabeth Pate
April 27, 2006
5:14 am
7 lbs., 4 oz.
I wanted to post a picture of Eveyn for others to see. None of the pictures I have do justice to her beautiful and unique characteristics. We will love her and miss her as long as we're here on this earth.

Happy Easter

2006-04-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

Butter Head

2006-04-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

Toddlers do some weird things. One morning over breakfast, Elijah decided it would be a good idea to rub his buttered toast all over his hair. I'm still not sure why, and he's never done it again. He must have decided that the greasy look isn't a good one, which I'm thankful for.
Another strange behavior that he's decided he really likes to do is to very carefully drop down on the floor in mid-stride to lay down. He just rolls on his back and watches the world go by for a few minutes. He might roll over to get a different angle, but he generally just kind of hangs out for a few minutes. It's actually pretty entertaining to watch, because a lot of the time he looks like he's in deep thought about something. So, unless he's in a spot where it just doesn't work to stop and lay down, I generally let him do his thing. I think he must need the break, or need to ponder something pretty important.
I never really knew how entertaining it would be to watch your child grow up. I know it's not always fun (like when he threw a fit and screamed at the top of his lungs in the store today because he wanted more Cheerios, which makes you feel like everyone is looking at you like you need to get your child in control), but I hope I never lose sight of the humor and joy in my kids at any point.

2006-04-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

This was actually back in February on a day that was freezing, and sleeting as we sat and watched Eli play b-ball. This outing didn't last too long.

"D-Dall" Pics

2006-02-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

Sports Fan

2006-01-31T10:35:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has come to our house in the last month has seen the very obtrusive toddler size basketball goal in our already not-so-spacious living room. This is Elijah's new obsession. Otherwise known at "d-dall" (or you might know it as b-ball). If he is awake he is either playing basketball or talking about playing basketball, or asking to watch basketball on tv, all while chanting "d-dall, d-dall, d-dall." He seems to think that at any point of the day or night, we can just turn on the tv and there will be a basketball game on. Right now, as I look at the living room floor, I can see four different "basketballs" that are on hand at all times.
But it's not only basketball that Elijah loves. He also has really enjoyed the football season this year. If there were football games on tv as often as basketball or if he had a football field in his backyard, he would be just as obsessed with this game. He does however have three different footballs that are constantly carried around the house and thrown to the nearest person - whether you are looking or not. And the kid has a great arm, so you could easily get nailed in face if you're not paying attention. This is something we may have to work on before his little sister gets here!
We really don't watch that much basketball and football, and what we do watch is usually when Elijah is sleeping. So it's interesting to me that he is so enthralled by these sports. It makes me wonder how much of this interest in sports comes from his genes and how much is learned.
This may just be a stage that he will grow out of and won't show much interest in later in his life. Or it could be the start of a life-long love. It's fascinating to watch him grow and form into his own unique little person with specific likes and dislikes, and it makes me look forward to the person he will be in the years to come.

Bookshelf Reorganizer

2006-01-12T10:08:00.000-08:00

Sickness

2006-01-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, Elijah hasn't ever been really sick or hurt in his young life. I know of many kids his age that have had every illness possible at this point. Even so, I think watching your child be sick or hurt is one of the hardest things to do as a mom. It's so hard to watch them hurt, even if it is just a cold they have.
In the last week or so Elijah has been trying to get over a somewhat nasty cold (which he's still fighting), fell face-first onto our tile floor while trying to chase me (and I always expect him to get hurt while playing the rougher-than-I-like games with Gavin), and today gets his first bout of diarrhea. It's been kind of a rough week.
But what I've noticed is that it doesn't quite affect Gavin the same way it does me. He feels bad for Elijah, but not in the same way or to the same degree as I do. His comforting words to me are, "well, I just think about when he gets older and he'll have to go through much worse and more painful things than this."
Thanks a lot. Now not only am I worrying about the possible damage done to his teeth and mouth and whether or not he's getting dehydrated from his sick stomach, I'm also worrying about his first car wreck that he gets in when he's 16 and too immature to be driving in the first place. Or like Gavin said, "he'll be a lot more sad and hurt when he can't get a date to the prom." Again, not a helpful comment to me, but thanks for trying.
Overall, Elijah is a very healthy, happy little boy. And it's times like this, when he's sick and hurt, that make me even more thankful for his health and all of the blessings that he brings us every day. I know there are so many kids that don't have their health and their parents have to watch them hurt much more than I could ever imagine.
So, it's nights like this that I read a couple more books to him than I normally do before bed, and stand over his crib rubbing his back and praying for him a little longer before rushing off to have the rest of the night to myself.
If this is the worst it's been in the last 16 months, then we are blessed.

Walking

2005-12-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I was getting pretty anxious about this one, but as of December 15, at 15 1/2 months old, Elijah is walking. For that first week, he was only taking a few steps at a time, but over the last week he has discovered that most of the time he prefers walking over crawling. When he falls, instead of just breaking into a crawl, he'll carefully stand back up and try again. And his new talent he's learned just over the past couple of days is the pivot. That's pretty cute to watch. This is a very careful and serious task that he does with great concentration. And he's getting really good at it.
It's amazing how this one milestone literally changes your baby into a toddler. He looks so grown up now that he's on two feet. And he looks so proud of himself everytime he stands up that it's tough not to smile and show your own pride while you watch him.
So, one more milestone passed, and one more worry relieved.

Dress-Up

2005-12-13T09:38:00.000-08:00

In the past few weeks, Elijah has become very interested in dressing up while he plays and we're just hanging around the house. These are just a couple of pictures of some of his favorite things to wear. He thinks his sunglasses are pretty cool, but the coolest thing is to wear socks on his hands. And he seems to prefer these pumpkin socks over all of his other socks. Once he has the socks on, the loves to clap his hands together either for the sound, the feel, or maybe both. He also likes trying to pick things up with his sock hands, but once it gets frustrating enough, he'll frantically pull the socks off to get the job done. But he immediately needs the socks back on once he has what he needs. This morning we were playing in his room and his outfit consisted of a onesie, a snow hat, one shoe and two pairs of socks on his hands. He's pretty entertaining!

It's a Girl!

2005-12-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

For anyone who hasn't heard yet, we found out last week that our new little baby is a girl. Much thanks to the sonogram tech that wiggled, pressed and shook my belly from all sides in order for us to find out! We are very excited about the news, but it's amazing how different it is from the first baby. When we found out that we were having a boy the first time, it was a pretty emotional experience and very exciting. This time, we both just said, "Wow, a girl. That's cool." And then went on with our days. I think I'm feeling this way for two reasons. First, I had convinced myself that this one was going to be a boy, which has actually proven to me that I really wanted a girl much more than I wanted to admit. Now I think I'm just a little in shock with the idea. And this leads me to my second reason for feeling the way I do. I think there's a part of me that's a little scared about having a girl. There are so many neat and fun things that go along with having a girl, but when I start to think about adolescent and teen years, it makes me nervous! Girls have to deal with so much stuff that boys don't and I think it will be very hard as her mom to know that she is having to go through that stuff. But I know it's just part of life.
So, all this to say that yes, I am very excited to be having a little girl. I have always wanted one just like I have always wanted a boy, and I am incredibly blessed to be able to experience them both. As far as all of my other emotions about it - I'm pregnant. If I wasn't worrying about what she will be dealing with 15 years from now, I'd be worrying about something else.

2005-12-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

"The greatest gift you can give your children is not your riches, but revealing to them their own."
- Max Lucado

First "Real" Halloween

2005-11-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

Last year at Halloween Elijah was only 2 months old, so needless to say we didn't do much of anything. I bought him a giraffe costume, he wore it for about 30 minutes at our house and we handed out candy to neighborhood kids.
This year, I was determined to make his own costume, for two reason. One, I wanted it to be cheaper than a store-bought costume. Two, I wanted it to be original. As you can tell from the pictures, he was a skunk. The cost thing didn't work out like I expected. It was a simple costume, but it still turned out to be about twice as much as something bought at a store. But, the idea was that he would have a new black sweat shirt and pants that would last him through the rest of the fall and winter, thus justifying the cost. I was determined to make that stripe stick while still salvaging the sweatshirt, but I was not successful. So, he has a pair of pants to wear throughout the winter, but as far as wearing the hooded jacket, he now has a permanant skunk jacket.
My second reason for wanting to make the costume instead of buying was to be original. That was successful. I never saw one other skunk all night long, and only a couple of people mistakenly thought he was a cat. But those few people also thought he was a girl.
So, Halloween was much more fun this year. We went to the outside festival set up at our church where Elijah played a lot of games that involved throwing balls into buckets, and won a lot of candy for his parents!

Thoughtful Gavin

2005-11-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to brag for a minute about my wonderful husband. Several weeks ago he received his annual pay raise at work. And a couple of days later I received some beautiful flowers at my door. The note with them just said that I was his partner in everything, even the work that he does at his job. Very sweet.

2005-11-12T14:59:00.000-08:00

I realized I don't have any pictures of my little buddy and me on my blog, so I went looking for some and this is the most recent I could find! Pretty sad since this picture is 8 months old! Someone needs to take more pictures of us. This was hiking in Gorum, La when we visited Grandma.

Second Pregnancy Phenomena

2005-11-12T14:44:00.000-08:00

I've discovered a couple of interesting things with this second pregnancy. First is the whole idea that you're not supposed to be lifting anything too heavy while pregnant. Since I am a stay-at-home mom of a 14-month old that's not walking yet, all I ever do is pick up and put down 25 pounds of baby, all day long. So, it just boggles my mind when someone notices that I'm carrying a plate, a little tv, a broom, a glass of water, etc. and they insist that I let them take it because I'm pregnant. But, when they see me bending over and picking up my heavy little boy, there's no offer what-so-ever to help me out. Interesting.
The second thing I've noticed is that I forget I'm pregnant with this one. I'm so consumed with Elijah all day long, that I don't have time to obsess about this new baby. I remember with my first pregnancy all I ever did was think about it, wonder what was coming next, worry that I was doing everything right to be healthy, and get impatient that I had to wait so long to meet this baby. Now I don't think about any of that stuff unless someone specifically asks me about it, or I have a doctor's appointment. For example, yesterday someone asked me how far along I was and I told them 12 weeks. Then I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon only to find out that I am actually 14 weeks along. Somewhere in the last month, I stopped counting and lost two weeks. But, it's probably a blessing since I stressed out so much over my first pregnancy. I'm obviously much more relaxed this time!

swingin' at the park

2005-10-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

Toe Tapping In Gorum

2005-10-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Elijah and I went to Gorum, La with my mom to visit my grandmother and other family. I knew it would be a fun trip for Elijah and that he would stay pretty entertained the whole time, but I never considered the idea that he would learn a new skill that he'll keep with him the rest of his life.
A couple of months ago, Elijah had started his own little version of "baby dancing" every time he heard any music. He mostly just sat on his bottom and rocked back and forth. He had kept up this same routine, without any adjustments for several weeks. Until we went to Gorum.
One afternoon we went to visit one of my great aunts. Elijah was playing in her living room with a toy that sings the ABC's, and Aunt Carley started to tap her foot along with the song. Elijah was fascinated with her "dancing" and watched her over and over as he continued to make the toy sing. He was studying her so intently that it was obvious he was trying to figure out how to do it himself. And then he made his move. He stood up holding on to the coffee table and began stomping his foot while watching Aunt Carley's. Ever since that afternoon, he hasn't stopped stomping his foot to music. Whether he's standing, sitting on the floor or even riding in his car seat, when he hears a song he likes, his foot starts moving.
Now, I know that at some point in his life Elijah would have learned this simple concept of tapping his foot along to music. But so many things kids learn, you have no idea when or how they picked them up. But I had the honor of watching the entire process right in front of me on Aunt Carley's living room floor. I will remember that day for the rest of my life.

Surprise, Surprise!

2005-09-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well, as most of you already know, baby number two is on it's way. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle all of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and happy about this new addition to our family, but it's literally happening a year and a half earlier than I expected it. I don't know how long it's going to take for it all to sink in, but I'm still in a state of shock. It still doesn't feel real to me.
As I tried to fall asleep last night, all I could do was lay there remembering, minute by minute, the birth of Elijah. I thought your brain let you forget all of that in time to go through it again. That's what I've been told by so many people. It's not that I don't want to do it again, but I really wasn't planning on it this soon. And I remember SO MUCH of those 13 hours last August.
I keep reminding myself that with Elijah I gained almost 60 pounds, he weighed almost 9 1/2 pounds, and he was turned the wrong way and had to be vacuumed out of me. And, I had to be rushed into surgery right after he was born. These are all things that I plan on working very hard at NOT repeating with this baby. I know I can't do much about the baby's weight, but the rest of the stuff I should be able to handle.
I just can't believe my little Eli is barely one year old and I had to pull out the handy pregnancy books last night to start reading them again. I still can't wrap my head around it. It feels like I'm reading the books to get information for a friend who has just found out they are pregnant, instead of for myself.
I mean, I just finished storing away all of Elijah's tiny baby clothes, and I just recently finished space-bagging all of my maternity clothes. Now in a few short months I'll be getting all of that down again and trying to figure out how to fit two cribs in that small bedroom.
It sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not. I'm just processing. I know that this is a blessing and I am very thankful that Gavin and I don't have the frustrations and stress of those people that are never able to have children. And maybe that's part of my shock of this whole situation. We have been and continue to be extremely blessed. But I know all I can do is be thankful and respond to these blessings with respect and admiration.

The Blessing of a Child

2005-09-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

I've written down the words to one of my favorite songs by Nichole Nordeman. It holds a lot more meaning now that I found out she wrote this after her son was born. It is such a great description of how I feel as a mother. In the first few weeks after Elijah was born, I remember being awake with him in the middle of the night, in a dark room somewhere in the house, just the two of us. It felt like we were the only people alive sometimes and I remember realizing what an awesome responsibility I had been given. And wondering why I had been chosen to raise this little boy. It made me feel so insignificant, but incredibly important at the same time. It was a life-changing realization that has altered me on so many levels. And it is such a gift.

Brave, by Nichole Nordeman

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...
Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything

Happy Birthday, Eli!

2005-08-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that the little guy in this sonogram picture is a year old already. This last year has been more fun than Gavin and I ever expected. Of course it's been exhausting at times and frustrating at other times, but I can barely remember those times in comparison to everything else that Elijah has been to us.
We have been blessed with a beautiful, bright shining ray of light. This is really the best way I know how to describe Elijah. He is energetic, he is cheerful, he is very silly and loves to laugh, and he is so loving. I could list a thousand aspects of Elijah that I love and still not list them all.
I know I'm supposed to be a little apprehensive about the next year as he enters toddler-hood, but I'm not. I'm excited to watch him grow and learn. I'm excited to see his first steps, I'm excited to hear him learn new words, and I'm actually excited to see him start to assert his independence more. He is a beautiful kid with a wonderful personality and even at only one year old, I am so proud of the little person that he is. Happy Birthday, Eli!

2005-08-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

2005-08-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

Elijah's Dad

2005-07-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how much things change between those last few hours that you are merely pregnant and the incredible first few moments when your child is born. As the one carrying my child, I felt an instant connection with that little person the minute I found out I was really pregnant. Gavin didn't feel that connection until the minute that little person actually came into the world. But once they met, it was instantaneous, committed, and unconditional love. You know that love as a mother automatically and you never think twice about it. But when you see it portrayed through the relationship of your husband and child, it's amazing to watch.
Right after Elijah was born, I was rushed off to surgery. I was so sad that I missed out on those first moments and hours with my son. I really felt guilty about it, even though it was completely out of my control. But I was comforted a few days later when I got the pictures that my parents and Gavin's parents had taken during those hours that I was in surgery and recovery. I saw pictures of my husband never leaving my son's side. I saw him watching Elijah intently through the nursery glass window while they cleaned him and pricked his heel. I saw Gavin holding Elijah's little fingers while he was prodded and poked by the nurses. Gavin transformed from a nervous, unsure man who was about to be a father with absolutely zero experience with kids, into one of the best fathers I have ever known, all in a matter of hours.
I've always known that Gavin would be a wonderful father to our children. But to see it for the first time through those pictures was and continues to be bring me joy.
Elijah is now almost a year old, and to see the way that little boy just lights up when he see's his dad every evening brings me that same feeling of joy.
We recently took a trip up to the Northwest, and I couldn't help but notice in the row right across from us on the plane, sat a father and teenage son. It was a three and a half hour flight and I don't think they said more than 2 sentences to each other the entire time. It wasn't even that aspect that bothered me, because I know that teenagers don't always want to talk to their parents. It was the fact that when the son did talk, the dad acted annoyed that his son was interrupting his reading. It was a relationship that was hard not to watch and take note of, and it made me realize even more what a blessing it is to have a husband who desires so much to have a meaningful relationship with his son.
To watch my husband and my son not only interact with eachother, but love eachother so deeply makes me unbelievably proud to be their wife and mother.

Book Review

2005-06-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

I try to be a good reader, but I'm just not. It's very difficult for me to find a book that takes me less than six months to finish. I realize this probably makes me sound dumb, but I just get bored easily. All this to say that I recently read a book that I finished in about 5 days. Now, I realize that it's not a very intellectually stimulating book, but it is a hilarious book that was emotionally stimulating for me, and sometimes that's more important!
"Baby Laughs" is written by Jenny McCarthy and is a follow-up to "Belly Laughs", which I didn't read, but now I want to. For anyone who has ever experienced the first year of motherhood, you will probably enjoy this read. I found myself crying from laughing so hard a lot of the time. Some of my favorite chapters include, "Nursing Nazi (bottle or boob)", "Rock Star Lullabies (noisy influences)", "Ouch My Udders Hurt (breastfeeding)", "Oh No, I Ran Out of Cottage Cheese. Wait I Can Just Scrape Some Off My Thighs (still fat)", "The WWE Baby Champion of the World (daddy playtime)". And these are just a few. There are actually 42 chapters, but they are all about 3-6 pages long. So it's an extremely fast read, plus it's just hard to put it down because it's so dang funny!
So, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a fast, easy and just fun read. I will give you fair warning though. Jenny is very crass throughout the entire book. Some of my favorite chapters I didn't list because of their titles. It's just her personality and one of the things she's famous for. And, I honestly wouldn't recommend this to anyone who hasn't had a baby because it will either gross you out, scare you, or it just won't be funny to you. But I think she says a lot of things that most new moms are thinking but don't want to admit. Plus I just love her sense of humor.
So take this for what it's worth. I just wanted to share with anyone who might be interested!

Parent Proofing

2005-06-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

Now that Elijah is crawling and trying to do some walking, it's time to start baby proofing the house. According to all the baby books and articles, I'm about four months too late on doing this. Apparently, I was supposed to take care of this by the time he was sitting up on his own. I think this is a little silly, personally. Elijah has been crawling for several weeks now but still hasn't attempted to open any drawers or cabinets where all the danger lives. And even if he did, there's not a whole lot of strength in those little 8 inch arms. Besides that, maybe I'm naive, but I don't usually just leave him in a room all alone to entertain himself. So, there's not a whole lot he can get into before I can stop him. I know many of you are saying, "just wait until he does get a little bigger and stronger, and can walk. It's better to go ahead and baby proof everything now." And, "just wait until you have more than one child. It's not as easy to keep an eye on two of them."
While these statements are true, I have decided to do the baby proofing as needed, as we go and as Elijah grows. Why? Because not only do these safety devices keep babies out of things, they also keep their parents out of things. So far, I have only put the little plastic covers on all of the outlets. And I haven't even put them on all of our outlets because they are so dang difficult to take off! I have only put them on the outlets in the rooms that Elijah is in the most. Since putting them on, I have had to vacuum twice and iron once. Both chores I really detest in the first place. Now I have to add an extra 10-15 minutes each onto the time it takes me to iron and vacuum because of these stupid outlet covers. And frankly, that extra 10-15 minutes can make a big difference in my day. It's almost enough to consider not doing them at all anymore. But somehow, that's not really an option.
I've heard that all of the drawer and cabinet "locks" are just as annoying and troublesome. So, until I feel that it's absolutely necessary, they're not being installed in my house. I know some of you are probably all worried now that Elijah is going to get into all sorts of stuff and get hurt or sick because of my sefishness. Not to worry. I am extremely careful and watchful of my little guy and nothing is more important to me than that. So, if it means I have to follow him around the house all day, carry him on my hip (both of which will help me burn more calories!) or stick him in his playpen for a little while, then that's okay with me. As long as it buys me a little more time to be able to cook without having to figure out how to get to my own dishes!

2005-06-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

He's such a pleasant morning person! On this morning we interrupted a conversation between him and his horse. Hearing him talking over the monitor every morning is such a nice way to wake up!

2005-06-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pictures.